Why do some parents discipline their children in public places by telling them that “the “man” will throw you out” AIBU?

[Neverplayleapfrogwithaunicorn]

I have noticed this a lot recently in public places where a parents child is behaving in a spirited way (to be polite) and rather than dealing with it themselves, they tell them that “the man will tell you off” or “the man will throw you out”

Usually if my DD is being a unruly somewhere we tend to give her a warning with a consequence.
And if she can’t behave we take her away from the place she is. We have not had to do this since she was really small thankfully xx

AIBU in not understanding why you would put the disciplining on someone else? Or a fictitious person!

Completely agree with blackfly

don't get how it is more effective to say the waitress with make us leave rather than we will have to leave because it isn't fair to the other people eating (for example) This may be shocking but just occasionally I say something to my DC once or twice & they still don’t listen so I have to use another tactic. However half my family are French & so when my children are eating out (particularly in France) they are expected to behave impeccably and the staff will say something if not!

My old neighbour used to use me as a threat to her child. If the child was misbehaving, she would tell her hippychick would come in and tell her off. Any wonder the kid was petrified of me??? I'm really very lovely and child friendly 🧐😣

Maybe I'm finding this hard to understand because, as I work in a restaurant, I know that a child's behaviour would have to be really horrendous in order for a staff member to tell them off or ask them to leave. People could lose their jobs for doing something like that so the chance is very high that they won't ask you to leave or tell your child off. And the people that say "the lady will tell you off" are the type of people who will make a very dramatic formal complaint if you do tell their kid off

My DS as a toddler / young child would regularly have to be told that 'the man' was watching/ was going to tell him off. Otherwise he was awful. He has Aspergers and as a teenager still behaves very well at school but appallingly for us. His fear of authority is very common with people with aspergers and we have to use it to get him to stop being violent.
Our other 3 will do as we say generally so don't think we are shite parents just that we are getting through best we can.

As I'm sure many have said, it's lazy parenting. They don't want to be the bad guy. I've heard parents threatening to call the police on their badly behaved child. Well done, if the child is lost etc they will literally not know who to ask for help.

In fact we still use it as a threat if he is getting out of hand. We would never actually say it In front of any one though. We also threaten to email school (usually at the start of the holidays when he is much more volatile) that if he hits or hurts his siblings we will have to talk to school about it. It works and he stops being violent. Nothing else ( rewards, punishments, calm debates, relaxation techniques) work. TBH a healthy fear of authority is very useful with a unpredictable teen with a wild imagination.

@LettuceP

Yes, I think I'm the same. There's a distinction between a parent saying
"Behave or the waitress will ask us to leave because your behaviour is disturbing everyone else"
And
"Stop it or the waitress will tell you off!"

The first one is making a child aware that poor behaviour has concequences. The second puts me in the situation where if I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't, and has little effect ime because I'm not going to tell the child off, I'm going to ask you to stop your child disturbing everyone else or potentially causing an accident. And as pp have said, I'm quite likely to at best get a gob full for telling off someone else's child, at worse a complaint against me.

Henryismyfriend you've made a point there actually because in reality the staff member is more likely to say something to the parent rather than the child (if they are going to say anything) so I think many parents do it out of fear of embarrassment from being pulled up on it by the staff member.

*pulled up on their child's behaviour I mean

I don't see nothing wrong with this at all 

Some really awful judgy people on this thread!

Recently there was an incident reported in the press and all over FB
A cafe in our town had a mum and her toddler as customers and they sat down for food. They stayed for an hour and the toddler was screaming for a good half an hour of it x
The owner went over to politely ask if there was anything he could do to help her (as he has grandkids) and the mum took complete offence and left, then persuaded loads of FB people who had never visited the cafe to leave 1* scathing reviews!!

That is what can happen when someone intervenes!

We do occasionally ask the DCs what their teacher would say if they knew that they did X but that is more in the spirit of them holding their teachers in esteem and wanting to please them, and also us not wanting them to feel we keep secrets (e.g. if DS has hurt DD she needs to know that she can tell her teachers as well).

I heard some the other day yell 'come back NOW before a nasty man takes you' I did kind of judge because to me the biggest risk is them getting lost, so I kind of feel that people have their perceptions wrong.

Also i am not convinced a young child really understands the concept of a 'nasty man' yet would understand the concept of lost/Mummy won't be able to see you.

I do say it in some situations like say a cafe because I want my child to be aware that it’s not just us in that space and that it is someone else’s space that they must respect and that they may very well be told off by someone other than me. I don’t think it’s lazy - I am genuinely trying to get my child to understand that he must respect others. Interesting how different people view this.

There's some a awfully condescending comments on here about 'shit/poor parenting' and 'used by grandparents and the not very bright'.
No wonder people think Mumsnetters are bitches. (Real people I mean)

"Behave or the doctor will tell you off"
"Behave or the doctor will give you an injection"
"Behave or the doctor will hit you"

As you can imagine, it was not any of these children who were told off, but their parents had it explained to them in words of one syllable that they were making it harder to treat their child, and just how stupid this was.