Ds ruining the wedding!!

[Lovethetimeyouhave]

I'm here for stories of how other people's children have ruined a wedding or tried to! I have Ds (7 tomorrow) endlessly sulking, laying over the floor, being defiant and generally a nuisance, It's my best friends wedding and I haven't been able to support or enjoy as Ds has been awful. Please placate me with your tales

Never seen a kid ruin a wedding or wedding reception - a few toddlery gurgles at the wrong moments maybe. The only drama I’ve seen has been adults showing up late to the church and banging the doors open coming in, and tanked up adults vomiting/arguing/going awol/nodding off during the reception.

I was a bridesmaid at a wedding when I was three and I followed the bride down the aisle then loudly announced ‘ I need a poo!!!’

At my cousin's wedding a young boy said "mummy, I need a poo" really loudly just as they were saying the vows!

Iliketomoveit the reason I referred to mum in the first post, was because the mum was holding the child at the time. The second post the mum was me, but yes it is usually mum who gets to deal with it all.

@LoniceraJaponica "To counter SalemBlackCat4's statement I think that if children are never taken to occasions where they are expected to behave they will never learn how to behave at solemn events - because they are never made to, so how can they learn?"

To me, that is like saying if I never take my children into a meeting with the bank manager to discuss a mortgage, how will they learn about mortgages?

There is plenty of time for children to learn about these things. I am mainly referring to toddlers and children below, say, 12. Children of the age where they cannot sit still for hours. I also am thinking of the children, and I suspect some aren't. It isn't fair on them, on the children. They have zero interest, they can't play, they can't run around - what's in it for them?

I also think weddings are different, because often THOUSANDS of dollars have been spent, and no one want an expensive gown ruined, or the cake fiddled with. So I see it as very different than just going to a posh restaurant. Weddings imo are not the place to train your child how to behave at functions.

@Sallywiththegoodhair I would strongly recommend you do that, if only for the kids' sakes. Think about it in a child's mind. It's no fun for them.

I also have to wonder at the people posting on here surprised about 7 year olds sulking and laying under tables. They either have never had a 7 year old or never worked with children. I can tell you as someone who worked at a primary school, 7 year olds still do sulk and attempt to lay under things.

My now Sil chose the night before my wedding to have a mega tantrum about the fact we hadn’t asked her to be bridesmaid (small wedding, two sisters of my own, barely knew her etc) and asked her to do the reading instead. Husband ended up letting her walk down the aisle behind me in her ordinary clothes with my sisters to keep the peace. (She was crying and wailing all over the rehearsal). Totally ruined the day- not her walking behind me but her awful behaviour

Seriously all the posters who are suggesting that because a hungry bored 7 year old had a tantrum and laid on the floor there must be something wrong with them!
Also the op has stated that she had left early so its not that she wasn't doing anything, sometimes you do reach the point of picking your battles it may have been more disruptive to the wedding party if she had got him up off the floor.

At my cousin's wedding, many years ago, there were lots of impeccably behaved children. However, as the happy couple processed down the aisle the groom's uncle had a heart attack and collapsed onto the aisle behind them. Thankfully my cousin was a nurse, so her colleagues who were attending the wedding attended to him until the ambulance arrived.

Weddings can be challenging!

DD was 6 when I got married, the night before the wedding she decided to cut her hair. Lovely photos, bridesmaid dress, pretty headband, hacked up mop!

There are pictures of me, ages 3, in a godawful brown bridesmaids dress, peeking out from behind the bride with a proper sulk on. Apparently I didn't want to be there!!
Fast forward 40 years. A different bride (original ones sister) and all you can hear during the wedding video of the vows is sobbing. It's me...... I didn't ruin it though! I'm just crap at weddings I guess 😂

My 5yr old DS was wearing his ben10 omnitrix on his wrist and was gurning in all of the pictures!! I was pissed of that the bloody photographer didn't say anything and I only noticed when I got the photos weeks later!!

@newmum32 Maybe the photographer thought you knew and didn't want to offend you by saying anything. After all, if you gather for a photograph, you usually notice each other as you are arranging yourselves?

Some replies are ridiculous. But thank you to all who understand children and realise that at no point did I say I wasn't doing anything. Also, lifting ds off the floor in the middle of the rows would have been more disruptive then just leaving him there. He wasn't making any noise at that time just being annoying to me!

How odd that someone suggested this doesn't appear to be a mum's site after all

I don't think anyone's denied that it's part of being a child to get hungry, crabby and the rest sometimes ... all most have said is that it's the parents' job to deal with it in a manner suitable to the event

I went to BIL and SILs wedding with our 6 yo in a mood and our 3 yo who didn’t get what was going on. I literally had to leave the church with them once the bride had walked in, as they were too noisy (church being deadly silent n all). Then we couldn’t get back in to the churchyard later as the lychgate had been tied up with ribbon .

When the photos came through me and the children (their nephews) weren’t in a single picture! In fact looking at the photos was like lookkng at a wedding I hadn’t been to. We’re only now, years later, at the stage where we consider accepting wedding invites again!

I got married yesterday, my Almost two year old screamed throughout all the speeches, you can’t tho back and change it now, sorry it’s a bit crap for you though

Children between 2 and 12 can sit still for hours if you train them to, Salem. Not stock still, but they can sit quietly even with a certain amount of wriggling, turning around, alternating being held and sitting on a pew, and they can watch what's going on. They do it every Sunday at the church I attend.

They have zero interest, they can't play, they can't run around...
It's important to condition children to understand that they are not always going to be able to play or run around and that not every event is going to be set up for running, climbing, or noise.

This is achieved by having times at home where they need to observe a certain amount of decorum - having to sit for meals, for instance, and not leave their seat or leave the table until the food is finished and they ask to be excused - and by bringing them places where they can't do this, prepping them beforehand, maybe bringing some quiet distraction like crayons and paper or a quiet non sugary snack to pick at, and praising them as they go along for the behaviour you want to see. It would be asking for trouble to bring a child to an occasion like a wedding for their first solemn outing, but they could be brought to less high stakes events on a consistent basis beforehand, like the odd church service or storytime in the library, to get some practice in.

Children older than about four should have some interest, or enough experience being bored that they don't consider it a problem that the parent needs to fix. You can make it interesting for them by pointing out things you have talked about or read about beforehand when they happen.

The assumption that children are only interested in a limited menu of events and that they need to be provided with certain sorts of entertainment or they will be bored is strange. YYY to LoniceraJaponica's comment Children aren't allowed to be bored these days. It is not a problem that a child is bored unless the parents have considered it a problem and have always taken steps to fix it.

What's in it for them? Approval and appreciation from parents.

If I had a child older than 4 who couldn't manage ninety minutes of quiet or show some interest in what was going on I would wonder what had gone wrong.

"It's important to condition children to understand that they are not always going to be able to play or run around and that not every event is going to be set up for running, climbing, or noise. "

This ^^ with bells on. Children need to learn how to cope with boredom. It's no woner that so many young people have short attention spans these days.

@KumquatQuince thank you, that tickled me!