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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS punished for class prank

301 replies

upsideup · 26/10/2018 16:07

DS1 is 9 and in year 5.
Last day of school, the teacher left the room for a couple of minutes and DS suggested that the class should all draw back circles on their foreheads and then act normal when she comes back in, he thought it would be a good halloween prank that she would find funny. Most of his class did it, I don’t know how many didn’t but it was only a few.

She didn’t find it funny which is fair enough, it’s not. They were asked whose idea it was and ds eventually owned up, he had to stay in a break to go and speak to the head teacher. I was phoned to be told what he did and that as the ringleader he will have to stay in every lunch time the first week back.
Obviously in the less than five minutes the teacher was gone ds wasn’t able to bully/force 20+ kids into doing it not that he would do that anyway, he mentioned it and they all decided it was a good idea to draw on their own foreheads.

AIBU to think it’s not really fair that he is the only one to get such a harsh punishment from this? And that everyone else who did the same thing is basically let off?

OP posts:
Gazelda · 26/10/2018 16:19

It does sound quite an excessive punishment.
Are you sure that the others that drew the circle on their forehead didn't get punished.
Does he have a history of poor behaviour and/or inciting others to behave poorly?

ForeverBubblegum · 26/10/2018 16:25

If your DS hadn't suggested it the prank wouldn't have happened, so I do see the school point in holding him responsible (plus it's easyer to punish one then 20). However the punishment does seem disproportionately harsh for a victimless 'crime'.

Maybe they're worried the kids will learn to unite, against teacher authority so are doing some pre-emptive devide and concer?

drinkygin · 26/10/2018 16:27

That’s an OTT punishment for a silly prank. I don’t think it’s fair to your son at all, especially if he’s being held solely responsible for the behaviour of 20 other kids!
Also I actually think it’s quite a bit funny.

Knittedfairies · 26/10/2018 16:30

It does seem a bit OTT for a silly, unfunny, prank. Maybe it was because he only owned up ‘eventually’, not immediately.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/10/2018 16:35

I think this is a very good life lesson for your son. Perhaps the punishment is excessive, but that's the risk you take when you make the choice to pull a prank. He didn't mean any harm, but you can't anticipate what the reaction will be. I think you should make him face his punishment and have a very stern talk about pulling pranks. They are stupid and can often go very wrong.

Penguinsetpandas · 26/10/2018 16:36

I think that sounds excessive as a punishment - can understand maybe keeping him at break and lunch today with others kept in but not a week of it. I thought it was quite amusing too, but had a similar situation with DS throwing a carrot around that age. Though he just got 1 lunchtime in and was not entirely honest about his involvement in the carrot fight.

FrancesFryer · 26/10/2018 16:38

I think if I were the teacher i would have ignored completely. That then gives them no reaction. As it is they may do something again in the future for the reaction

InsomniacAnonymous · 26/10/2018 16:39

Assuming they didn't use permanent markers I agree that the punishment is excessive.

iVampire · 26/10/2018 16:42

He gets the greater punishment because he was the ringleader.

I hope he learns to take the consequences of what he does, and also that the instigator has greater responsibility than the followers.

Better learned now than later

CocoCharlie83 · 26/10/2018 16:43

If it was just for the prank then it is excessive. But is it possibly combined with not owning up to it or other things as well?

abacucat · 26/10/2018 16:43

It really doesn't matter whether the punishment is excessive. He was in the wrong, the punishment is not cruel or unusual. So you need to back up the teacher.

spanishwife · 26/10/2018 16:45

^ Please back up teacher as mentioned.

It seems harmless, but it probably ruined the rest of the lesson for the poor teacher. As well as completely undermining her.

I bet they were all really silly and giggly, not the mention the time it took to send them off in groups to wash it off.

Solenti · 26/10/2018 16:45

I would have ignored it totally too. No reaction is sometimes the best reaction as long as it's fairly harmless like this. Once someone put a plastic dog poo on our maths teachers desk in secondary. Teacher walked in, picked it up and chucked it in the bin with no acknowledgemet or change of facial expression and carried on with the class. Nobody laughed or anything.

CantWaitToRetire · 26/10/2018 16:46

I agree with Aquamarine. It may seem excessive, but if the punishment was lenient, it would not be a real deterrent. If your DS thinks he 'got away with it' with a tap on the wrist then he may get bolder and instigate something worse next time. Losing a week of lunch breaks will make him think carefully about doing it again.

Northernparent68 · 26/10/2018 16:48

I think your son should suck this up, undermining a teachers authority is a mistake, everyone loses when school discipline collapses

claraschu · 26/10/2018 16:51

They are not uniting against the teacher. They were not hurting anyone.

I don't understand what the problem was, unless the teacher thought your son was making fun of Indian forehead markings or something potentially much more serious like that, (but you don't mention that so I will assume that it was not an issue).

happygirly1 · 26/10/2018 16:51

I agree the punishment is excessive for what is essentially a harmless prank, especially given their age.

But I'd probably not bring it up to the school or mention to my DS that I thought it was excessive. I'd tell my DS he was a bit silly and if he complained to me about the length of the punishment, would brush it off with a "oh well you won't do that again then will you!"

Again, agree it's excessive but it's not really that bad in the scheme of things and better to have your DS think you'll back the teachers up with regards to bad behaviour.

radiometer · 26/10/2018 16:51

Oh well, it might be excessive, it might be a bit unfair he's the only one etc etc

But for the love of God, don't tell him that. He needs to believe that you and the school act together. You have his back if a teacher is abusive, of course, but when a sanction is in the bounds of reasonable behaviour but not what you'd personally do... keep it to yourself.

I teach older students and it is so horribly obvious which parents have got overly involved and/or undermined their child's relationship with school. Oh my god, they are a nightmare. These kids are like jailhouse lawyers who find the loophole in everything. They are always the victim and it's never their fault for anything. I feel really sorry for the poor buggers, to be honest. I have my techniques to try to tease taking more responsibility/acting more stoically out of them but with varying success. These teens find school very tricky because they're so obnoxious, and it just gets in the way of everything.

He needs to learn, right now while he is small and cute, that if you disrupt learning then there are consequences. If he can learn that you just have to pull up your big boy pants and take the sanction when you go wrong, he'll be a joy to teach down the line, and a credit to you.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 26/10/2018 16:52

He was the one who suggested it, they all did as he suggested.

Of course he's the one who should be punished.

We also don't know the context of the rest of the lesson, how your son (and the class) had been behaving up to then, if he/the class have form for that sort of thing, why she'd gone out of the room etc etc.

I can imagine though that it was impossible for the teacher to complete the lesson. Wasting time finding out whose the idea was, maybe getting them to clean their foreheads etc.

Practical jokes have no place in the classroom. And 9 is old enough to know that.

Original poster
upsideup · 26/10/2018 16:55

I'm not going to go in and demand he doesnt get punished, that won't get me anywhere or help ds.
I do think its unfair that he's taking the punishment for 20 other kids though. Nothing would have happened if he hadnt suggested it but also nothing would have happened if everybody didnt listen to him.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 26/10/2018 16:56

everyone else who did the same thing

No one else was the instigator.

BerriesandLeaves · 26/10/2018 16:58

Did the others who did it get away scot free? It's a bit unbalanced if so as your son didn't force them to do it

claraschu · 26/10/2018 16:58

I think the punishment is excessive and stupid. The teacher should find something which your son can do which fits the "crime"- perhaps clean some dots off some piece of classroom equipment during one break, or something like that.

I don't like the attitude that people are less responsible for their actions if they are joining a group, following someone else's lead, etc. Surely we are all responsible for our own decisions and our own actions. A school should never reinforce the terrible idea that it is ok to do something wrong because someone else led the way.

Yeahmum · 26/10/2018 17:00

YABU. Of course the teacher had to take action! Can't believe some of these replies.

Lweji · 26/10/2018 17:02

I'd have ignored it, but...
I think he deserves the worst punishment. Kids tend to be sheep after a ring leader. The teachers only need to control the ring leader. Your DS. Tough.