Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

My new car and husband.

100 replies

Minty2018 · 26/10/2018 01:20

Hello everyone just want to ask a question.

When I first met my husband 4 years ago I had my own car paid around £3000 for it.

Husband doesn't currently drive but is wanting to pass his test he does drive a motorbike though.

A few ago husband got me a new car car worth £8500 and used my car as part payment. We had talked about me getting A new car for a while as mine was getting old and out family is growing currently expecting our 2nd child.

The new car is lovely and is what I've been wanting. Husband absolutely loves the car won't stop talking about it and is generally really excited but he made it clear before he bought the car that is was mine and a gift to me.

Husband is currently sat booking his theory test and I've got this niggly feeling that when he passes his test I won't see this car for dust and he will be out in it constantly and pretty much take it off me.

Aibu to be really pissed off at this thought I know it hasn't happened yet but I can't shake the feeling and the fact is I've always had my own car since I passed my test 10 years ago. My car has been traded in as part payment for this car i know dh paid the rest but I'm getting really angry at the idea of being left without a car. My instincts tell me I'm right he's not a controlling person but I think his excitement will take over. We are both independent people so do really need our own transport.

OP posts:

Hogtini · 26/10/2018 01:27

Perhaps he's just excited about getting on tne road, freedom, sharing the load with driving? As someone, like your DH, who is learning later in life I get that. Better he's looking forward to it than terrified. I'm inclined to think meh give him a break, did you think he would never learn and it would always be you driving? You've been happy enough to accept his gift. Where's the money for lessons and tests coming from? Just have a calm, adult chat with the fella.

Aus84 · 26/10/2018 01:35

Ask him what car he is going to get when he passes his test and see what he says. His answer will give you the opportunity to bring up the fact that your car is yours that he is welcome to borrow occasionally until he gets his own. Maybe even offer to help him pay for his?

PrincessHairyMclary · 26/10/2018 01:39

Who is the registered owner of the car? If it's you just don't put him on the insurance. If it's not then make sure you change it so it is.

schoolstuff77 · 26/10/2018 01:39

‘Bet you can’t wait till you got your own car, so exciting!’

PrincessHairyMclary · 26/10/2018 01:40

If he's never driven before he really needs an old banger to start with anyway. Plus the insurance would probably be expensive on yours.

Laureline · 26/10/2018 01:44

Talk to him?

Original poster

Minty2018 · 26/10/2018 01:49

When I say a gift it was purchased with household money but we always discuss expensive purchases so yes it's a gift for me but I've made sacrifices to make that happen in the same way his bike was a gift to him paid for with household money. What is grating is that I what I can see happening is that he will the the decent car and eventually after I complain I will get some sort of cheap run around brought for me which is unfair I've done my time riding around in crap. my car which I had before i even met dh also helped pay towards this new one I just feel like not only have my lost MY car but I will also lose my new car aswell and il be left getting on buses all day while my car sits parked up outside his work. Aibu to say that if even a hint of this happens we sell the nice car and buy 2 cheaper cars? We can afford to run 2 cars to be honest we can afford to buy dh a car of his own but he just seems to be having some great love affair with my car at the moment.

OP posts:

wombat1a · 26/10/2018 03:53

Er why are you getting wound up, you have a decent car, you have a motorbike. Surely it's a simple as both are family assets and if Mon-Fri he is commuting w/o any child duties then he takes the motorbike. If he is taking the kids somewhere he takes the car. If it chucking it down with rain and you have no use for the car at that time (or until he gets back) then he takes the car.

The problem seems to be you see the car as your personal item rather than a family asset to be used for the best of the family overall. That's your problem and you need to get over it.

ElainaElephant · 26/10/2018 04:24

I agree with previous posters. Start the conversation now.

'Have you started to think about what kind of car you are going to get? I know you like mine, maybe you should get something similar?'

Tattybear16 · 26/10/2018 04:33

You’re married, 50/50 regardless of who bought what. Sorry but you’re coming across as a bit selfish and you’re worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet. I’d be happy at the prospect that I’d have someone to drive me around for a change. If you feel that strongly take some motorcycle lessons and pass your cbt.

LotsToThinkOf · 26/10/2018 04:46

Anyone who takes a car to be parked up outside work all day leaving their partner and children to get the bus is a selfish arsehole. Excitement doesn't excuse being selfish. Tell him now to organise a second car, tell him why and then your expectations are clear.

bubbles108 · 26/10/2018 04:54

Ask him what car he's going to buy for himself, from household money, when he passes his test

Make sure your car is registered in your name

Ilikeknitting · 26/10/2018 05:18

Once he passes his test, suggest he/you buy a second car, for him. A bit of a jalopy, and remind him that as a newly qualified driver he will reverse into bollards when parking, open the door onto a lamppost etc and you certainly don’t want him damaging your car, the one that was a gift to YOU, not that you resent sharing your car, so long as he remembers it was bought for you.

gamerchick · 26/10/2018 05:25

A bit of a jalopy, and remind him that as a newly qualified driver he will reverse into bollards when parking, open the door onto a lamppost etc

It's a given?

I agree OP, start the conversation now about what car he's planning on getting. Before it chews you up and explodes out of you at some point.

Antigon · 26/10/2018 06:58

It's your car, so he can't have it. He can borrow it on the odd occasion.

If money is tight, you might have to sell the car and buy two cheaper cars of the same value.

Why are you getting resentful instead of bringing it up calmly with him and telling him that you both need your own cars? Is this the general dynamic in your relationship? Does he ride roughshod over your wishes?

Rockbird · 26/10/2018 06:59

I know how you feel, I'm very territorial about my car and hate it when DH drives it, although I do let him sometimes. I'd come out and ask him is he going to keep his bike or trade it in for his new car.

MimiSunshine · 26/10/2018 07:01

As others have said why are you winding yourself up about this?

Firstly, you say it’s your car so he can’t just take it off you.
Secondly your first car part paid for it
Thirdly he didn’t Part pay the rest for you, family finances did
Fourthly he still has a motorbike (that family finances paid for)

So the conversation goes “DH what do you want to do when you’ve passed your test?
Keep things as they are re:my car / your motorbike and you keep the motorbike in the week and we share driving atvthe weekend. Or sell your motorbike to get a second car for you?”

If for some bizarre reason he says well I just thought I’d start taking THE car in the week then you laugh, look him dead in the eye and say “well that won’t work as then I’d be carless and that’s not an option”.

If he the motorbike is sold but Will only cover a small banger or he doesn’t want to sell it and suggests getting a banger instead for you both to share (both cars).
You just say no sorry, Ive done my time as a newly qualified driver in a banger, my car stays as my car.

You don’t actually have to share ‘family cars’. We don’t, mine is mine, his is his.
BF is insured on mine because he makes it cheaper and has v.occasionally driven it but I’m not on his as it makes it go up slightly and when he got it new to us he didn’t want me to drive it (it’s a LOT bigger than mine).
He never outright said that but I could tell and I don’t care, means he does the long distance driving for family visits and that’s fine with me

Sexnotgender · 26/10/2018 07:01

Do you need 2 cars?

Before you get pissed off have a conversation with him. If it was bought with family money then he didn’t gift it to you. You bought it together.

Puggles123 · 26/10/2018 07:04

Maybe, I don’t know...talk to him about it?

Thehop · 26/10/2018 07:09

We have a safe but cheap run around and a nice, few year old, bit less cheap family car.

Whoever has the kids takes the family car, whoever is commuting on their own gets the runaround.

That way, the kids have their good seats rather than having to buy 2 lots and spending less and I have to not be a car slob and keep them tidy! Works for us

Loopytiles · 26/10/2018 07:18

He didn’t buy you a car, it was family money.

Having two drivers should be much better for the family.

He can’t “take it off” you. You’ll have two DC and will both need to get around and take DC places. Who has the car when will depend on who needs it most on a given day. Unless his past behaviour suggests he is selfish?

We shared one car for many years and worked the practicalities out. Eg when I worked PT and had tiny DCs I had it on non working days and on workong days DH had it in the morning for childcare drop off and me in the evening.

Loopytiles · 26/10/2018 07:20

Would you actually NEED two cars? What are your journeys to work like? How close to you live to the amenities you need frequently with tiny DC?

Yogagirl123 · 26/10/2018 07:21

Even when times are tough, we have always had two cars, it just doesn’t work trying to share a car. Talk about it now.

Wonkypalmtree · 26/10/2018 07:31

We share a car, it’s fine. If we have a genuine clash we hire a car or take public transport.

AJPTaylor · 26/10/2018 07:32

Take the emotion out of it. You need 2 cars as a family. What is going to happen to allow this to happen?

Flip

1 2 3 4