Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

My new car and husband.

100 replies

Minty2018 · 26/10/2018 01:20

Hello everyone just want to ask a question.

When I first met my husband 4 years ago I had my own car paid around £3000 for it.

Husband doesn't currently drive but is wanting to pass his test he does drive a motorbike though.

A few ago husband got me a new car car worth £8500 and used my car as part payment. We had talked about me getting A new car for a while as mine was getting old and out family is growing currently expecting our 2nd child.

The new car is lovely and is what I've been wanting. Husband absolutely loves the car won't stop talking about it and is generally really excited but he made it clear before he bought the car that is was mine and a gift to me.

Husband is currently sat booking his theory test and I've got this niggly feeling that when he passes his test I won't see this car for dust and he will be out in it constantly and pretty much take it off me.

Aibu to be really pissed off at this thought I know it hasn't happened yet but I can't shake the feeling and the fact is I've always had my own car since I passed my test 10 years ago. My car has been traded in as part payment for this car i know dh paid the rest but I'm getting really angry at the idea of being left without a car. My instincts tell me I'm right he's not a controlling person but I think his excitement will take over. We are both independent people so do really need our own transport.

OP posts:

EdisonLightBulb · 26/10/2018 07:34

If you both need transport it's obvious to me that for runs to work DH Keeps a motorbike and uses that or he gets the crappy runaround since he is inexperienced and more likely to bump the lovely new car 😂

Failing that you get two of equivalent value. No way, does he get the good one. No, no, no.

Livingloving · 26/10/2018 07:39

When is he sitting his test? Best to have the discussion now I would say.

Doilooklikeatourist · 26/10/2018 07:40

Ha hasn’t even passed his test yet , so there’s plenty of time to get this sorted out
Just have a conversation about which car will be bought out of the joint finances for him to use ?

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 26/10/2018 07:43

This is odd, but then our understanding of 'family' money and possessions seems to be miles apart. He paid for the car, but it's yours, but you used family money?

I'd understand your attitude if he had previous form for hogging shared/collective resources and being selfish with them, but otherwise I see no reason to get so territorial and worked up. You're in a marriage, not housemates. Surely anyone's first resort in this situation would be to work out a rough scheme for who uses the car when, that was fair and reasonable and above all went by logistics and not by people's feelings around deserving the nice car?

AlphaBravo · 26/10/2018 07:47

"So what car are you getting when you pass?"

Just ask him
Two cars always makes more sense.

Genuinely don't understand these relationships where you can't just ask a simple question outright.

EdisonLightBulb · 26/10/2018 07:50

I was thinking about when we went to two cars years ago. We had one beautiful nearly new Ford Escort that I drove and ferried both DC around in. DH changed jobs and needed transport so we bought an old banger which he drove to work much closer than me and back again and to his sport on a weekend etc In time we changed the banger to a slightly better Ford Orion. It still wasn't anywhere near as good as the Escort. In time the Escort got older but it was still in good condition, although the Orion was on its last legs so DH got the Escort which I was happy to relinquish and I got a brand new Fiesta which we were all happy with. The Escort being bigger remained the family trip car. As did it's replacement the Focus.

Eventually, in time, we ended up with two good cars that were swapped in rotation.

Maybe it could work that way for you?

PickleForPresident · 26/10/2018 07:57

I'm genuinely baffled when I read posts like the OP. Why wouldn't you just ask him? This could all be resolved with a simple conversation. You are getting yourself all worked up and making assumptions without knowing anything.

My car is definitely the better car in our house and I am a SAHM...which means that it sits on the drive all week unless I need to go to the store or run errands, and my DH is self employed and has a crappy car and a crappy van. Common sense would say that he should have a better vehicle and me just have a run-around but my car was my "push present" and he would never take it from me. I've offered many many times! On the weekends he drives my car because he loves it and this arrangement works for us.

Your DH may not have any plans to steal your car and he's probably just getting himself excited and motivated to pass his test. You won't know until you speak to him.

needsanewname · 26/10/2018 07:57

This feels a very non-issue to me. He's obviously excited about passing his test, it must be awful being the one who doesn't drive and feel like a burden.

Surely if it's a car bought with joint money, it's a joint car, whoever's need is the greatest gets to use it - which would be whoever is taking the children somewhere in it.

We currently have 2 cars because I'm on maternity leave, when I go back we'll be going back down to one - the big family car, which DH will be driving as I work in a city centre so it makes no sense and his need is greater.

CantWaitToRetire · 26/10/2018 07:59

A bit of a jalopy, and remind him that as a newly qualified driver he will reverse into bollards when parking, open the door onto a lamppost etc

I agree there's more chance of having an accident as a new and inexperienced driver, but really? I never did any of this, and my DD19 who has been driving nearly 2 years hasn't had a bump.
---
It's all been said OP. Stop getting wound up about something that hasn't happened and have the conversation with your DH. PPs have suggested some good light-hearted questions you can ask about his plans once he has passed.

Genuinely don't understand these relationships where you can't just ask a simple question outright.

This

Jenasaurus · 26/10/2018 08:01

A similar scenario is happening between my DS and his DG. My DS was given a car by a friend, an old run around but his friend gave it to him about months ago. The car needed some work following a MOT, my DS and his DG went halves on the repairs. Now his DG has a new job starting at the end of November that will occasionally require a car (home visits) but my DS also is starting a new job that needs a car and is in another town so he proposed to drive his GF to work and then on to his work and let her have the car when she needs it , but she now is saying she wants the car every day and as she helped pay for repairs this is justifiable. DS said he has had years of commuting on busses etc and needs it for travelling to different locations. They cant afford a second car for a while so I can understand your worries about your DH passing his test and hijacking the car

Ellisandra · 26/10/2018 08:03

You’ve married and had two children with this man, yet you can’t initiate a simple conversation about how car sharing / second car buying is going to work?

BitOutOfPractice · 26/10/2018 08:06

You've spoken to him about this I assume?

lunar1 · 26/10/2018 08:09

Is he controlling or manipulative generally? Or are you just massively overthinking this? I'd be far more concerned you can't have a conversation about this to be honest.

davisday · 26/10/2018 08:12

remind him that as a newly qualified driver he will reverse into bollards when parking, open the door onto a lamppost etc

That's not normal.

NorthernSpirit · 26/10/2018 08:15

Your post comes across as mine mine mine.

When you get married, you share things.

Was the car bought with money you earns? If so then you could claim it’s ‘mine’.

If it was your husbands money or joint money then it’s an asset of both of yours.

Can you not share?

Juells · 26/10/2018 08:17

Hogtini
You've been happy enough to accept his gift.

Not really a gift. Her car was used as down-payment, and a car is needed when you have a baby.

I can see why the OP is feeling a bit iffy. Being practical, once the H learns to drive he'll need to practise, and buying/insuring/taxing a second car will cost a lot. I think she'll have to suck it up and share at the weekends. Hopefully her car won't suit him for very long, he'll want something more dashing.

beela · 26/10/2018 08:22

Who needs the car? Can't you just share it?

We have 2 cars, one registered in my name and one in dh's but we just use whichever is on the outside of the drive when we need to go out. Because we are married, so we share things.

AJPTaylor · 26/10/2018 08:31

I am slightly mystified with all this gift giving out of family money.

FishesThatFly · 26/10/2018 08:35

I have always had my own car paid solely by me. Many years ago then DP suggested l sold it and we go down to one car as l could walk to work.

I declined this wonderful suggestion as my car is absolutely nothing to do with him just as his car is nothing to do with me.

Fast forward many years... l couldn't be without a car now. I have two children, work, activities etc.

In your situation OP l feel you should have YOUR car whilst he is at work as other's have pointed out, he doesn't need it and he can use his bike.

Weekends/evenings that include transport for the children - either of you can do that with the car.

However... if you both need transport for example children are with babysitter and you're going out separately then he still gets the bike.

If he doesn't want to use the bike then unless you can afford another car outright, it needs to be sold.

Juells · 26/10/2018 08:35

I am slightly mystified with all this gift giving out of family money.

me too. But I definitely wouldn't like to be stuck sharing a car with anyone when I have two small children. There needs to be clear guidelines about when he can 'borrow' your car, until he buys one of his own out of family money.

BrokenWing · 26/10/2018 08:47

It doesnt matter who "owns" the car it is a family asset. You are married, plenty of couples who both drive have only one car and work out who gets the car when by compromising, giving each other lifts, working out what is most practical for each situation as it arises. Try to keep/protect it as "your" car is petty and immature.

If you go for a 2nd car then you buy depending on affordability and each others requirements. If he has a short commute it is probably more sensible he commutes with a smaller car for example or vice versa.

We have two cars, I tend to have the bigger one because I have a 20 mile motorway commute whereas dh only uses it in our town during the day, if he has somewhere to go to whoever has the longest journey takes the bigger car, I dont mind taking either although the bigger one is better. At night he uses the bigger one if I am not because the dog fits in it better/it is a comfier drive, if we both go out it depends on who has passengers etc.

Loopytiles · 26/10/2018 09:22

There is missing information, eg about each of their journeys each day.

gamerchick · 26/10/2018 09:30

I love how you say all that then go onto say you are a 2 car household sharing a car with your husband really sucks. I can't wait to get another one.

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 26/10/2018 09:38

In our house we have 2 cars, 1 nice-ish and 1 rubbish little run around. We have a rule, whoever has the DC has the nice/more reliable/ safer car. The other has the run around. It’s all about what is best for the DC.

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 26/10/2018 09:39

Oh and I should add, if one car is in the garage, whoever has the DC still has the car, the other either gets the bus or gets a lift!

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread