My new car and husband.

[Minty2018]

Hello everyone just want to ask a question.

When I first met my husband 4 years ago I had my own car paid around £3000 for it.

Husband doesn't currently drive but is wanting to pass his test he does drive a motorbike though.

A few ago husband got me a new car car worth £8500 and used my car as part payment. We had talked about me getting A new car for a while as mine was getting old and out family is growing currently expecting our 2nd child.

The new car is lovely and is what I've been wanting. Husband absolutely loves the car won't stop talking about it and is generally really excited but he made it clear before he bought the car that is was mine and a gift to me.

Husband is currently sat booking his theory test and I've got this niggly feeling that when he passes his test I won't see this car for dust and he will be out in it constantly and pretty much take it off me.

Aibu to be really pissed off at this thought I know it hasn't happened yet but I can't shake the feeling and the fact is I've always had my own car since I passed my test 10 years ago. My car has been traded in as part payment for this car i know dh paid the rest but I'm getting really angry at the idea of being left without a car. My instincts tell me I'm right he's not a controlling person but I think his excitement will take over. We are both independent people so do really need our own transport.

My responses would be the same IT SUCKS SHARING A CAR!

That’s utterly shit juells and Ive been in that position too, my exh used to work from home and had a lovely new bmw sat on the drive most days, and I used to commute 2 hrs a day in an old banger, all because he didn’t want me to use ‘his’ car that was bought from ‘our’ money? but, that’s pretty much what the OP wants to do in the same circumstances. I actually think that whoever drives more or ferries the kids around should get to use the nice car, it should be, in theory be safer, more fuel efficient etc.

It doesn't really matter what daily journeys I do I met him I had a perfectly good car which I've always maintained husband moaned about the car not being suitable for children okay fine we traded it in and upgraded it My point is just because ive not got a ring on my finger and I've birthed a child doesn't mean transport wise I should be put in a worse position. I would always expect to have my own car and no I don't want to share a car either and I dont really see why I should I'm happy for dh to use joint money and buy himself a car and when he has experience upgrade to something nicer but no I don't really want him driving my nice new car and leaving me stranded with 2 kids if I want to get up and go out I expect to be able to do that. I worked bloody hard to pass my test and keep a car on the road all this time and I do look after my cars even the really clapped out shit ones I dont see why he should pass his test and have the keys handed over to him he can go out and buy a seperate one. A 2 or 3 grand car is better then I started with... My first car was a £400 seat.

You sound really quite selfish OP. It’s all ‘I’ve worked hard’ ‘it’s my car’ ‘I don’t want to share’ all of the above might well be true, but I’m sure your dp has also worked to put money into the family pot, and this has contributed to enabling you to drive ‘your nice’ car.

Maybe you’re right and he isn’t allowed to drive your car, and he should take the 2k and buy a car, then trade up to a nicer car once he’s got experience, at this point your car might become an old, unreliable banger and he gets the nice shiny new car paid for out of the family money, which you aren’t allowed to drive? I’m sure you won’t be at all bothered or moan about that either.

But you're not in a worse position, without the joint money you'd still be driving the car you bought for £3000 a number of years ago, which as value part exchange princely want worth more than about £1000 by the time you swapped it in. You upgraded your car together, you buy his car together, you share them, whoever has the DCs drives the better car for that journey as that's the train the better car was bought from family money. You sound very selfish and frankly quite immature 'it's mine!' (is there a pout and a foot stamp to go with that?), there's such a thing as sharing and he sounds like he's planning to get his own car anyway.

Ugh so many autocorrects

Also I've just thought about this some more, DB had a very nice mercedes SIL had an old banged up fiesta, as soon as she found out she was pregnant they swapped, DB thought it was more important for their child to be in the nicer/safer car even though he'd bought the nice car from his own savings not joint money. In his shoes you would've let her carry on in the old banger.

Let him have the run around for work. we have a family car which is the nicer car which I normally drive because I normally have the kids and DH has a little mini as he only drives to work and back and it's barely used on weekends. We're both insured on them and just whoever had most kids gets the bigger car!

For now, it's all in your imagination. You're making an issue of something that doesn't yet exist.

You do need to talk to him and clarify expectations on both sides.

I'd insist he gets his own car (with or without trading with his bike), or, if he likes yours that much, then you will choose your car of equivalent price and specs.

I would suspect that he might be just as excited looking for a newer model and forget all about yours, though.

(although, hopefully, he won't traded you for a newer model. )

My DH took his car test while I was pregnant, previously he’d always had a motorbike.

I had always had my own car (bought by me before meeting him) and wasn’t at all keen on sharing long-term.

I just said “I think sharing my car might be tricky so are you thinking of getting your own or just using mine on the occasion?” Turns out he planned on selling his bike to fund a car, which is what he did.

We have a car each and usually stick to driving our own, though we’re insured on both. Just be upfront and ask him.

The car should be seen as a family car and the use of it should depend on the circumstances. If you can't manage to compromise on that, I would suggest selling the car and bike and then buying each of you a car for about £4,500 each.

I could afford to get a new car though it's one hell of an assumption to make that all the money we have is actually money he has earnt. It's only been recent that I've had any desire to have a more expensive car before then I didn't feel as though it was an absolute major thing but when my own car started to get more expensive problems I thought why not? I just dont see the sense in handing over the keys when chances are the car will end up wrecked the new car is powerful i just think dh should get some real driving experience under his belt before he jumps in one of the most expensive things we own if it happens where eventually he ends up with the nicer car so what? It's not a competition I am happy with what I've got and im not looking to get anything more all I'm saying is that I'm not having it where he comes along having passed his test demands the car so it can sit outside an office all day and I get left with nothing I also dont see at this point why a second car (banger) should be brought and I should have to drive it I've done all that and my old my wasn't a banger the point of getting a second cheaper car would be for dh to get some miles under his belt im happy for him to take over some of the driving but when we are apart I refuse to be left without a car.

If I understood your post you are well used to having car and buying one and making choice, but this is a first for him, probably one of the more expensive purchases we make, the novelty of it will probably have worn off by time he gets his test done, but in case it doesn't may I suggest you pink bling it up as much as possible in the meantime, anyone asks you what you want for xmas make sure its a girly car accessory, get yourself a nice set of leathers to borrow his bike, ..im being light-hearted. You could express concerns of letting him practice in your car , only have one key on your ring with your other keys so I he wants to borrow it its a big to do..

It sounds like you're a bit disproportionately emotionally attached to the car.

Unless you're rolling in cash, where you genuinely gift a car like the rest of us gift a bottle of wine or a book .... surely this is just a practical conversation with your husband as to what you do as & when he passes his test. I.e. is he expecting you to become a 2-car family? Presumably you all cope just now with one - although it could potentially improve if driving duties were to be shared.
So, if you are buying a 2nd car, presumably that's a practical conversation about what you can afford (jointly as you mention joint finances), whether it's two "equal" cars, or one bigger/newer and one smaller/older, what the insurance costs will be etc.

Having a 2nd older car for a new, inexperienced driver is not necessarily a bad idea ..... but not just because you can't possibly give up "your" car. Because although you call it yours, surely you use it to transport children & food shopping, go on holiday etc, thus it's a family asset.

I agree with family money, family car. I think what the OP fears is that family money/family car will suddenly become HIS car as soon as he's passed his test.

OP talk to him. You may be getting yourself worked up over something that isn't going to happen. Or if he says it IS what's going to happen then tell him it doesn't work like that and start negotiations on how it is going to work asap.

Again, find out what his plans are first.

I'm dying to know what car you have, Ive never known anyone be so weird about a vehicle tbh.

My now ExH did this to me. I had a lovely new car which I bought with only 7 miles on her. I partially taught him to drive and he passed second time (in my car) and he bought himself a second hand (and battered) Subaru which we used for the horses/digs etc. When I was on mat leave he kept taking my car, and crashed it at least 4 times, leaving me with his shitty banger. One of the reasons of buying a new car was the safety features. The Subaru had much less, yet he expected to put our newborn in it, just because he had a long commute and wanted the air con and Bluetooth in my car. He also kept changing the radio etc too. Bloody infuriating!!!

no I don't really want him driving my nice new car and leaving me stranded with 2 kids if I want to get up and go out I expect to be able to do that.

What makes you think he would even do that? Does he have form for being horribly selfish?!

This is weird. I don’t understand why you cant have a normal reasonable conversation about this and come up with a plan before he passes his test.
The sensible thing to do, if you can afford it, is to buy another car for your DH, or if not you will have to share as you are a family.

To be honest if my DP had a tendency to crash motorcycles and therefore not exactly be very careful on the road, plus arrogantly asserting that he could drive any car and be great BEFORE he had even passed his test..... I'd say get the hell away from my car!!!

I'm with you OP. Happened to my mum. His car, her car. His car dropped to bits. Her car became their car, then became "the" car & then became his car. She finally got a car of her own again when I was 18. She had ordered a brand new one for her in 1971 but cancelled the order when she found out she was pregnant with me!

Take the bull by the horns now OP!

How long - and arduous - is his current motorbike journey to work; and is there public transport?

Are you a SAHM? As you’re not married that’s a very risky plan unless you have plenty of your own money.

And your daily journeys ARE relevant: some places a car is more useful day to day than others. When we lived in London driving was rarely necessary, where we moved to it’s every day.

Surely he can carry on biking to commute while you keep your car? Alternatively, get him a similar but older version of yours. As a new driver, his insurance will be a sod for anything halfway decent.

Me and the DH have the same car, mine’s slightly better being the executive version and we use each other’s if it’s more convenient.