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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My new car and husband.

100 replies

Minty2018 · 26/10/2018 01:20

Hello everyone just want to ask a question.

When I first met my husband 4 years ago I had my own car paid around £3000 for it.

Husband doesn't currently drive but is wanting to pass his test he does drive a motorbike though.

A few ago husband got me a new car car worth £8500 and used my car as part payment. We had talked about me getting A new car for a while as mine was getting old and out family is growing currently expecting our 2nd child.

The new car is lovely and is what I've been wanting. Husband absolutely loves the car won't stop talking about it and is generally really excited but he made it clear before he bought the car that is was mine and a gift to me.

Husband is currently sat booking his theory test and I've got this niggly feeling that when he passes his test I won't see this car for dust and he will be out in it constantly and pretty much take it off me.

Aibu to be really pissed off at this thought I know it hasn't happened yet but I can't shake the feeling and the fact is I've always had my own car since I passed my test 10 years ago. My car has been traded in as part payment for this car i know dh paid the rest but I'm getting really angry at the idea of being left without a car. My instincts tell me I'm right he's not a controlling person but I think his excitement will take over. We are both independent people so do really need our own transport.

OP posts:

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/10/2018 09:42

it was purchased with household money but we always discuss expensive purchases so yes it's a gift for me

If it's bought with household money, surely it belongs to the household?

You sound very 'it's MINE' versus what should surely be a family car?

Your £3k car would have only got about £1,200 most in part exchange if it was getting old and knackered, and he's put the rest in from his own funds? Or did the rest come from joint funds?

RedSkyLastNight · 26/10/2018 09:44

Well the household clearly don't "need" 2 cars - because they haven't had 2 up until now. So the first discussion is "do they need 2 cars?" followed by "do they sell the motorbike and/or the current car to fund this?"

DH and I only have 1 car and have managed thus for the last 15 years.

Amidoingtheright · 26/10/2018 09:47

I'm feel like I've read this post pretty much word for word before. Op did you post this a few weeks ago?

Holidayshopping · 26/10/2018 09:48

Ask him what car is he going to get once passes?

Your supposition of what will happen can only happen if you let it. Whose name is the car in?

Lazypuppy · 26/10/2018 09:49

I have always had my own car and always will! Me and my partner have both bought ourselves new cars over the ladt couple of years.

Maybe its easier for us as not all money is 'family money'. We pay bills jointly, and baby stuff is joint but everything else is our own.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 26/10/2018 09:53

Obviously who ever has to transport the kids needs the car but in addition you will need wheels on days you don’t have the kids. Plan ahead and agree days he has the car

gamerchick · 26/10/2018 09:55

Well the household clearly don't "need" 2 cars - because they haven't had 2 up until now

Yes mainly because one hasn't passed his test yet. There's usually harmony in that case.

Original poster

Minty2018 · 26/10/2018 10:12

We don't have any finances that are seperate so if we didbt buy gifts out of family money neither of us would get anything ever again. We have a joint account and every penny goes in and out of there we've never had an issue we discuss any purchases that aren't essential and there's always a nice amount left over at the end of each month. Dh definately won't keep his bike and I dont blame him for that he bought it brand new 2 years ago and he has destroyed it. I am worried about dh attitude to driving last night he said the only thing standing in his way was the theory because he knows 100% he could jump in any car and drive anywhere without making any mistakes (basically there is no better driver then him) I was like I am supportive of him passing his test but I will admit I'm scared to death he's gonna try and get some really powerful car the second he passes his test go out and kill himself. For full disclosure he crashed his motorbike the very same day he got it!

We had a kind of talk this morning and dh said he is thinking of spending around 2000 on a car for when he passes but doesn't know how long after he will get one.

OP posts:

MaxTeyon · 26/10/2018 10:13

Who is the registered owner of the car?

No such thing

SlothMama · 26/10/2018 10:14

I have a car for work and my partner uses it when he needs it, we don't need a second car it'd be a waste of money. When it comes to work I have priority over the car but I don't mind him using it otherwise.

If there was a clash he'd just hire a car, much cheaper than maintaining and running a second car!

Lovemusic33 · 26/10/2018 10:18

I can’t see a problem, yes he might want to drive the car but I’m sure if you need the car he can use his bike? Maybe he will eventually sell his bike and buy himself a car?

Mandarine · 26/10/2018 10:32

Well OP, you’re just going to have to share the car. I understand you’ve been used to being the sole driver, but you do sound overly anxious about your DH driving. Look at it this way, it would be a nightmare in years to come with two kids and you as the only driver. Just talk to him and work something out.

thenightsky · 26/10/2018 10:34

I was going to say YAB a bit U not wanting to share the car, but now you've posted an update about what a cocky twat he is, I've changed my mind. He's managed to completely trash his motorbike in two years? Get him an old banger for sure.

maddening · 26/10/2018 10:41

I would start suggesting he looks at cars for when he passes

Thebluedog · 26/10/2018 10:47

Talk to him. Yes it might be your car but surely its also a family car?? He drives it when needed and you drive it when you need it. If you both need it at the same time then you’ll have to get a second car. Maybe you sell both your car and the bike, pool the money, split it and each buy a car?

I’ve commuted on a motorbike and it’s bloody awful, especially in the winter, and you’re right, it does trash the bike (not helped by falling off either)

Think how you’d feel if you’d just passed your bike test and the only bike in the household was his and he refused to let you ride it/wouldn’t put it on the insurance.

Holidayshopping · 26/10/2018 10:48

For someone that sounds so excited about a car, I’m surprised he didn’t learn to drive years ago!

Worrying that he’s knackered a new motorbike in 2 years though-is he not very careful?!

Thebluedog · 26/10/2018 11:15

Even without crashing a bike, using them Im all weathers/salt on the roads etc really does trash a bike. They are v different from cars in that way. The salt and general crap on the roads will corrode all the nuts, bolts and metalwork. To keep them in good condition you need to wash them almost every time you use them. I sorn my bike and take it off the road during the winter for that exact reason.

toherdoor · 26/10/2018 11:39

Why are you so sure this will happen? Has he been outrageously selfish in the past?
Can't you just say 'not happening, sort your self out a car'.

MrsStrowman · 26/10/2018 11:48

Household money household car. We have a car each bought with separate money, but we both use both cars. Mine is smaller and I travel a lot for work so always use mine for work there's no point adding so much mileage to both cars and mine's more economical with petrol. But at the weekends we'll take either and both drive them. You choose to share all finances and whilst your £3000 car went towards it joint funds paid the rest, it's not a gift to you, it's not perfume or shoes for your user only, it's a family resource, whoever is driving the DCs needs the car. You seem a bit selfish.

Tahani · 26/10/2018 11:53

Dh definately won't keep his bike and I dont blame him for that he bought it brand new 2 years ago and he has destroyedit

How has he destroyed a 2 year old bike??

PuddinginPerth · 26/10/2018 12:00

This is weird 😝

I don’t understand why you’re getting so worked up. Why don’t you just hide your keys if it bothers you that much?

Hogtini · 26/10/2018 12:44

Juells OP didn't say in the first post that it was out of household money
'A few ago husband got me a new car' 'he made it clear before he bought the car that is was mine and a gift to me.'

Therefore, I agree with pp that if it's household money then household car. Surely you do what ever suits an easier life with childcare/commuting etc. Just speak to him.

Thebluedog · 26/10/2018 13:49

I can just imagine a reverse and how the responses might be different:

I don’t drive. My dh does and we bought him a lovely car out of the family money which he uses. I commute on a motorbike which I fell off the day I got it. I’ve now decided to take my driving test and sell the bike so I can use the car. My dh is quite upset, as he is saying the car is his and was a gift and he doesn’t want me to use it. I’ll only have about 2k for a car for me, aibu to be upset about this?

Loopytiles · 26/10/2018 13:56

So DH gets to work on a motorbike but subject to passing his test now intends to drive to work? How far away is his work, and is there public transport?

What daily journeys do you do?

Juells · 26/10/2018 13:59

Thebluedog

I can just imagine a reverse and how the responses might be different:

Haha bluedog you must know a different breed of man to what I've met. When I learned to drive I got the crap old car and DH got a swanky one that I wasn't allowed to use with messy children.

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