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AIBU?

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Original poster

Hauled into school because dd had no breakfast

910 replies

takeastand · 25/10/2018 19:11

Got called into school as dd(13) felt unwell and it transpired she hadn't eaten. I don't encourage her to eat breakfast although I don't stop her - she rarely gets up early enough to eat it during the week. I honestly thought the school would be sensible about this but what an absolute waste of everyone's time. I thought once I explained that she wasn't neglected or malnourished we could go on our way. Instead a load of hand wringing, unsubstantiated and unscientific bollocks about how important breakfast is and how clearly this is the reason dd felt light headed, even though she hasn't eaten breakfast before school the entire five weeks and this is the first day she has felt unwell.

For context - she is overweight. I'm not going to force another 300-400 calories that she doesn't desire or need at the only point of the day that she doesn't seem to be starving hungry! I make her a cup of tea each morning, she drinks plenty of water. Her house is first for lunch so she eats at 12ish!

It's half term next week and I'm not sure whether I should say anything to the school tomorrow or just let it lie.

OP posts:
RomanyRoots · 25/10/2018 21:22

MrsBrexit

I totally agree with you, I know the research exists but haven't read it.
However, my dd boards and if she skips breakfast I get a call.
They aren't forced to eat a lot and there's a good selection. They have to be in the dining room showing willing, the school are really hot on this.
She used to skip it and home and her siblings did too sometimes.

Original poster
takeastand · 25/10/2018 21:22

Team of hand wringers??? Really OP

sorry if that sounded rude, but that's how it felt. I tried to make a joke and said something along the lines of at least she's not having a joint on the way to school like some of the kids and I saw them shoot each other concerned looks! I do think in this country there is a real issue with eating at set times, whether you are hungry or not, and not listening to your body. I expressed this but felt so patronised!

OP posts:
LittleBookofCalm · 25/10/2018 21:23

so basically she is eating at 12, 4 and 8.30 pm,
and the teachers are wringing their hands
do you always take exception to the teachers?
why is she ill?

LittleBookofCalm · 25/10/2018 21:24

i understand you simply want confirmation of your behaviour op and do not want to hear any opposing views.

howthehelldoIcopewiththisone · 25/10/2018 21:24

They are being ridiculous I can't believe they called you in
my teenage daughter hardly ever eats breakfast she says she can't eat in the morning I am forever trying to get her to eat, toast, cereal, yoghurt - try to shove bananas, satsumas, and other snacks in her school bag and have been known to follow her down the road trying to get her to take something and she won't! She gets really cross with me - her Dad doesn't bother when she stays with him as he says she's old enough to eat breakfast if she wants it. She takes after him and rarely feels hungry throughout the day she says. Unlike me who gets incredibly hangry and would happily bite someones head off if I didn't eat!

Shitlandpony · 25/10/2018 21:24

Thank god my Dd boarding school knows not to make an issue out of it. I never eat breakfast.

LittleBookofCalm · 25/10/2018 21:25

it is a safe guarding issue op, lack of breakfast, like or or not

Mum0fteens · 25/10/2018 21:25

Although I wouldn't expect teenagers to do this maybe research intermittent fasting which actually disproves the theory that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. A 13 year old knows if she is hungry or not and should know how to make her own breakfast.
I would let it lie for now but don't allow them to make you feel bad!

Shitlandpony · 25/10/2018 21:26

A safeguarding issue? Grin

www.healthline.com/nutrition/is-skipping-breakfast-bad

Thisreallyisafarce · 25/10/2018 21:28

It isn't a safeguarding issue if the child is - sorry, OP - obviously eating more than enough. She is clearly choosing not to eat at that time, rather than food not being made available to her.

MrsPinkCock · 25/10/2018 21:28

I can’t face breakfast in the morning. It makes me queasy.

My DD, also 13, is the same so she has a smoothie to tide her over until lunch.

My 3 boys will eat three bowls of cereal if you let them.

Not everyone wants or needs breakfast.

Geraniumpink · 25/10/2018 21:28

If it’s any comfort breakfast was frowned upon in the Middle Ages because it was considered gluttenous to have more than two meals a day. Breakfast becomes a very personal choice at a certain age.
I would actually be more concerned about the 8:30 evening meal- I’m assuming there’s time to digest before bed?

Original poster
takeastand · 25/10/2018 21:28

do you always take exception to the teachers?why is she ill?

No I don't, did I give that impression? I try to get along with them. I work in education (adults with learning disabilities) and I know what a bastard it can be!

She's worn out I think, half term is coming.maybe hormonal? It's rare so I'm not going to read too much into it

OP posts:
grumpy4squash · 25/10/2018 21:28

Cramming a full day’s calories into 6 hours isn’t great either, is it? Loads of energy, not much time to be using it meaning you are adding to the overweight issue.
It's a fair point, but it's also what intermittent fasting for weight loss is based on. By that criteria, OP's DD should be losing weight, but that hasnt' been mentioned.

reforder · 25/10/2018 21:28

If I found they hadn’t eaten that day, I’d definitely want to see parents to check for things like neglect/eating disorders.

Christ... neglect?! I’m sure that would end well for you... Hmm

VerbeenaBeeks · 25/10/2018 21:29

it is a safe guarding issue op, lack of breakfast, like or or not

What, even when they're teens?! As a young child, yes. You're in control of what they eat and when and can get good food and breakfasts into them like here.
Hit teens like my eldest and it all goes out of the window as they just insist on eating tons of shite and refusing breakfast!

Shitlandpony · 25/10/2018 21:30

The posts about neglect and safeguarding reassure me that those posters have never had the misfortune to be involved in real safeguarding issues.

FuzzyShadowChatter · 25/10/2018 21:30

YANBU to think it a bit odd and a bit much but the school isn't BU either. I guess they felt that as you were going in to pick her up for being lightheaded and unwell, it was faster to discuss it there and then rather than call at another point. It's not really being hauled in for no breakfast (especially if you think her ill health is unrelated), it was a discussion as you were called in due to an unwell child. I'm glad are getting better at caring about that, it was handwaved a lot when I was in school which meant a lot of neglect went ignored. Not sure saying 'at least she doesn't...' helps the issue - just because one bad thing isn't happening doesn't make feeling ill and lightheaded better.

Extended time without eating/intermittent fasting has benefits - it also has negatives and risks like many things in life, and there is strong evidence there are more risks for women. There are also plenty of other breakfast or morning snack options she could carry than sugary cornflakes. My teen eats in the morning just as he has a shower in the morning. I know at his age I could go pretty much all day without feeling hungry - and did regularly because my parents weren't bothered by that since I said I wasn't hungry - but it still affected my health and ability in ways that have had lasting effects.

howthehelldoIcopewiththisone · 25/10/2018 21:30

Since when did it become a safeguarding issue! FGS! Which government department spent however much on a report for this....
ye gods you'd think there is enough crap for them to worry about apart from this...

Alexandra2018 · 25/10/2018 21:34

My dd doesn't have time she has a hot drink and goes! They have breaks where they can buy from the canteen it's not something I even worry about!

Missingstreetlife · 25/10/2018 21:34

It's ok not to eat breakfast if you can snack when hungry, say mid morning. Going right thru to lunch is not good as your body goes into fat storing. Also metabolism, digestive enzymes designed to be active am and wind down in the evening. She should have some small protein item to have as soon as she is able, cheese, egg, ham, nuts or yoghurt, with carb or fruit if she wants. Cereal bars are rubbish, cereal only good because you have milk with it, porridge is ok as oats have many health benefits, but putting syrup on it defeats the object.

A580Hojas · 25/10/2018 21:34

Or read this!

Shitlandpony · 25/10/2018 21:35

thehealthsciencesacademy.org/health-tips/skipping-breakfast/

Read this!!!! 81Byerley

You will find studies that prove whatever you want Grin

Shitlandpony · 25/10/2018 21:36

Fat storing is a myth