Hauled into school because dd had no breakfast

[takeastand]

Got called into school as dd(13) felt unwell and it transpired she hadn't eaten. I don't encourage her to eat breakfast although I don't stop her - she rarely gets up early enough to eat it during the week. I honestly thought the school would be sensible about this but what an absolute waste of everyone's time. I thought once I explained that she wasn't neglected or malnourished we could go on our way. Instead a load of hand wringing, unsubstantiated and unscientific bollocks about how important breakfast is and how clearly this is the reason dd felt light headed, even though she hasn't eaten breakfast before school the entire five weeks and this is the first day she has felt unwell.

For context - she is overweight. I'm not going to force another 300-400 calories that she doesn't desire or need at the only point of the day that she doesn't seem to be starving hungry! I make her a cup of tea each morning, she drinks plenty of water. Her house is first for lunch so she eats at 12ish!

It's half term next week and I'm not sure whether I should say anything to the school tomorrow or just let it lie.

I would have said YANBU
But I remember from the age of about 9 my parents never bothered to make sure I had breakfast. Carried on in to high school where they’d give me a quid to buy lunch, I’d spend it on crisps and chocolate and then get home and have to ‘cook’ for myself. Didn’t think it was weird at the time but looking back I felt so unloved.

I always skip breakfast and have a healthy bmi. There, more anecdata for you.

Yabu as the school were concerned and raised it. If they hadn't, someone would soon jump in if it was anything serious and school had been safe but said nothing.

I had a friend who regularly fainted at school, thin as a rake and (despite Us vouching she did eat) was accused of being anorexic because of the fainting. It turned out eventually (once we left school) that she had a lifelong chronic condition and the fainting was a symptom of that.

That said, you can't sit there and spoon feed a teenager to make sure she has breakfast, but there are things both of your could do to ensure she had availability to a healthy snack before lunch if she felt she needed it.

No obviously we're not talking about me. We're talking about whether or not breakfast is "crucial". Clearly it is not.

My son (15) couldn't face breakfast for years. It's not unusual to be a breakfast refuser you know. Forcing yourself to eat at 7.30am isn't going to stop you being hungry at 11am ... sorry but it just isn't.

I find I'm hungrier when i eat breakfast tbh

Yabu they didn't call you in JUST because she hadn't had breakfast but because she was unwell AND this was probably not helped by not having breakfast.

Skipping breakfast will not be helping the weight issue - PLENTY of studies support this, mainly as eating regularly stabilises blood sugar and metabolism - and will likely be affecting her concentration in morning classes - again PLENTY of studies support this.

It's still your job to encourage her to get up early enough and to have breakfast. It IS important especially for teens who's blood sugar & metabolism can be affected by the hormonal changes affecting their bodies.

Instead of being THAT parent and railing at the school you need to adjust what happens at home of a morning. If dd isn't fancying what's on offer at breakfast time then you need to find an alternative and you need to get her up early enough.

I do think the school was OTT. However I do think breakfast is important for two reasons. One it kick starts your metabolism as PP has mention. Secondly I find if I miss breakfast I am much more likely to be really hungry by lunch and binge eat crap rather than healthy food.

Breakfast doesnt kickstart your metabolism.

So how do all of you saying "OP, you must make her eat" propose she should make this happen?

But you simply cannot make teens eat, otherwise there would be no anorexia if you could just pressure them to do what you wanted

My teenage DDs rarely eat breakfast. They are just not interested. They both have a snack mid morning. Neither are overweight. Neither struggle academically.

People are different

She was ill, which was why op was called im

I've always preferred breakfast around ten, if I'm too busy then I wait until lunch time. As long as I have my cup of teas, Im good. One of my children never wants breakfast before school, preferring a drink until lunch time. Maybe give your daughter some fruit to eat on the way to school. So you can show school that you do provide breakfast and its up to her to eat it.

I am fanatical about my dc meals

Is she still unwell op?

As far as I can tell you were asked to come in to school because your DD was lightheaded and went to medical/told the teacher.

perhaps they were concerned that she is skipping more than just breakfast in order to lose weight - wouldn't be the first teen girl to try that approach, and at least the school are switched on enough to act quickly and let you know their concerns

^^this

My dds school were an important factor in her being diagnosed with an eating disorder. At the very beginning I thought they were making a fuss over nothing.

I also don't like to eat first thing in the morning. Drinkable yoghurts or a smoothie or a shake did the job until lunch time for me.
Trying to get a teenager to eat something for breakfast and get out of the house on time in the morning is a challenge......

I am not a breakfast person. First I feel sick then I overeat for the whole day. How ok is your dd about her weight? At her age I probably would have very rudely just said to the staff ‘are you blind? I’m fat, breakfast is he last thing I need.’ I was a very very grumpy teenager. Just give her something small to keep in her pocket in case she feels lightheaded and ignore the silly breakfast advice.

I agree with those saying to offer yoghurt drinks, fortified smoothies or other drink-foods - especially those high in protein rather than sugar - that she can carry around. It's true we can't make them eat but having this options that are readily available can be helpful.

While intermitted fasting/going 16 hours without eating is a popular way to diet and it can have benefits, there have been repeated studies that have show strong evidence that there are significantly more risks to women doing this than men, especially around hormone production which may mean girls are more likely to have issues with it than adults. There has quite a bit written about this - a couple articles are here and here. It is often recommended women interested in IF use modified methods to test it out and lower the potential risks and maximise benefits.

I don't believe the school called you in over ONE skipped breakfast. What have you left out OP? What's missing here? I think you've latched on to the one part that DOES sound ridiculous on its own?

I never ate breakfast as a kid, or now as a 40-something

I despise the thought of ramming something down my throat in case of pre-emptive hunger later on

Thank you for all the replies! Will try and remember all the points raised

• firstly I never said she is obese - she's overweight but not terribly so. I don't weigh her but I can see by looking that she's put on a bit since starting secondary school two years ago. It's relevant as I really do not see the point in "training her body to eat breakfast" as one poster put it 

• the school called me to collect her as she felt dizzy and lightheaded. I had no issue with this and left work to collect her. When I got there the family liaison officer and someone else asked if we could have a chat. I was also fine with this. However I thought they would see sense once I explained she never ate breakfast but ate well at midday. She doesn't have her dinner until 8.30 as we eat as a family. She has a school lunch at 12 and a snack after school at 4. That's perfectly adequate in my opinion! But the school spoke in the same way as many posters have on this thread. Talking about things like starvation mode, most important meal of the day, encouraging unhealthy snacking mid morning (how when she's at school?!) I thought these theories had been discredited. For me weight is about calories in versus calories used. Nutrition is about getting a balance of all food groups. Nothing more to it than that surely?

• my AIBU is not about their concern but that I don't think their facts are correct. And nor do many other posters who agree with me

I took DS1 to our GP a couple of years ago re this issue. He's a huge healthy rugby/rowing mad lad (DS not the GP) but he was complaining of feeling sick in the mornings and wasn't eating breakfast. GP said it's a complete myth that breakfast is essential and in many cultures it doesnt even exist. I stopped worrying.DS eats tons in the evenings, maybe your DDad is similair?

Can't believe people are still going on with the breakfast is necessary bollocks.

DS (13) (not overweight, if that's relevant) never eats breakfast, can't stomach it. The school did call me up one day about it, and to be honest I found them really patronising/insulting "have you tried a smoothie?" "What about some warm milk?" Yes I've tried nearly everything and as an able 13 year old if there was something he wanted for breakfast I'm sure he'd tell me. I actually complained to the SENDCO because DS has learning difficulties and anxiety related to going to school - I've been battling for support. Finally I get a call from the school - I'm thinking, at last it's some news to help - and they want to talk to me about smoothies? I told them when it comes to DS, breakfast is the least of my worries.

FWIW I love eating all the time and as much as possible and prone to being a bit overweight. If I have breakfast, I will definitely be hungrier and eat more during the day. So I try to skip it.

My children have fallen ill at school a few times - would have thought that's pretty standard for a person with children. I've never been "called into school" so I ask again, how does that work? Why would a school "call" someone in? What is the wording in the initial contact?

@cakedup thank you I'm glad I'm not alone. Maybe a memo has gone out amongst school staff!