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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hauled into school because dd had no breakfast

910 replies

takeastand · 25/10/2018 19:11

Got called into school as dd(13) felt unwell and it transpired she hadn't eaten. I don't encourage her to eat breakfast although I don't stop her - she rarely gets up early enough to eat it during the week. I honestly thought the school would be sensible about this but what an absolute waste of everyone's time. I thought once I explained that she wasn't neglected or malnourished we could go on our way. Instead a load of hand wringing, unsubstantiated and unscientific bollocks about how important breakfast is and how clearly this is the reason dd felt light headed, even though she hasn't eaten breakfast before school the entire five weeks and this is the first day she has felt unwell.

For context - she is overweight. I'm not going to force another 300-400 calories that she doesn't desire or need at the only point of the day that she doesn't seem to be starving hungry! I make her a cup of tea each morning, she drinks plenty of water. Her house is first for lunch so she eats at 12ish!

It's half term next week and I'm not sure whether I should say anything to the school tomorrow or just let it lie.

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 26/10/2018 12:23

www.huffpost.com/entry/breakfast-most-important-history_n_5910054

Yes Kellogg’s had a hand in that - great marketing ploy still going 101 years later 😄

Sundayblues13 · 26/10/2018 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sundayblues13 · 26/10/2018 12:26

Lucky they did mint phone the social on ya

Biologifemini · 26/10/2018 12:27

It doesn’t matter about the breakfast food per se. The child is already unhealthy because for whatever reason they are overweight at the age of 13.
Eating late and then going to bed isn’t particularly healthy but it does explain why she isn’t hungry in the morning.
The child needs a better diet whatever time of day they choose to eat it.

Mandarine · 26/10/2018 12:32

swing - but your child is just that - one child. With the greatest respect - so what? Talk to any secondary teacher and they may well tell you that they have to deal with children falling asleep in class on a daily basis. Pupils spending half their time visiting sick bay because they feel “ill” or “sick” or whatever. Your child may cope but clearly many don’t and this will be something schools are dealing with day in day out, so no, they are not wrong to mention it to a parent if they are concerned.

hollyjollychristmas · 26/10/2018 12:34

YANBU, "breakfast is the most important meal of the day" was invented in the 1950's and has made billions for the food industry. When I was a teenager like your daughter I never got out of bed in time for breakfast and I was fine. Not eating for sixteen hours is not going to cause her to collapse, the human race would never have survived if we could not cope with out food for extended periods. I follow an intermittent fasting schedule and don't eat for nineteen hours of the day and my health is so much better for it. If you look up Dr. Bert Herring and read his Fast 5 diet e-book it explains very well how hunger and appetite work. I often find if I do eat breakfast I end up feeling hungry earlier than if I didn't.

Vampiratequeen · 26/10/2018 12:37

I very rarely ate breakfast, I still very rarely eat breakfast. I can't eat early in a morning, when I have just woken up, if I do I tend to see it again. I would let it lie for now.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/10/2018 12:44

I don't restrict her access to breakfast, but I don't suggest it as in her situation (not feeling hungry yet) it's not healthy l
Reads quite differently to your initial post which is I don't encourage breakfast, she's fat, she doesn't need it.

The point is if she's over eight then she's over eating. If she's over eating then her diet isn't well balanced. If she's more than just on the cusp of hungry at lunchtime she's likely to over eat on crap either than or at break time. Encouraging her to have anything before school, in the way or in first break if possible might break that cycle.
Because the whole she's nearly an adult it isn't my responsibility stuff is nonsense

SleepingStandingUp · 26/10/2018 12:44

If she's over weight not over eight

WidoWanky · 26/10/2018 12:56

OP, you can deny breakfast would be of any use until you are blue in the face. But you wont actually know until she tries it.

Just be glad she's not pregnant, because that was my first thought.

SerenDippitty · 26/10/2018 13:07

Jeanclaudejacketty I take my thyroxine at 6.30 and have breakfast around 7.45, later at the weekend. That's fine I think.

triwarrior · 26/10/2018 13:08

Breakfast kickstarts the metabolism? What nonsense!

Beautifulpretty · 26/10/2018 13:59

Mandarine describing your son as six foot 5 and ears like a horse did make me smile

Mandarine · 26/10/2018 14:01

Sorry - That will teach me to read my own posts back!

PoisonousSmurf · 26/10/2018 14:04

And other children in the UK would love to have a breakfast. What about the families who don't have food in the house?

swingofthings · 26/10/2018 14:18

Exactly Mandarine so stop making assumptions without knowing the facts. This girl's issues, if she has any, might have nothing to do with her not eating breakfast and the school shouldn't have jumped to that conclusion before discussing it with OP.

florafawna · 26/10/2018 14:24

If your DD is overweight, that means her body has stored fat from extra food she must have eaten that her body didn't need. That fat will be used up when needed.

If she eats breakfast, that will just be more calories ending up in "storage" (i.e. fat), so pointless.

Plus the fact is, if she isn't hungry you can't force-feed her.

Elvira091 · 26/10/2018 14:31

I wouldn't worry. I come from a farming family and plenty of farmers get up, go and do two or three hours' work and then come in for breakfast.

RomanyRoots · 26/10/2018 14:40

My dd was bordering obese, it's not that much overweight as some would think. She used to skip breakfast because like many others have said, you can't force feed them. i tried educating, encouraging, but it wasn't going to happen.

She started her school where she boards and the whole breakfast routine was taken out of my hands.
I've had no reports of her missing breakfast and as I posted up thread they are hot on them not missing it.
She has lost a good stone and a half and is a healthy weight now.
This was a while ago now, it was a gradual loss over a school year.

universe00 · 26/10/2018 15:11

Guys I think it's seen more as neglect in children, for example a 4/5/6 year old turning up to school every day saying they haven't eaten breakfast I would like to think the schools would investigate it, however a 13 year old can decide for herself and shouldn't need to be force fed. Maybe she to her that breakfast might make her feel better and try and encourage her to get up earlier and have some breakfast and drink I think it would help mange her weight because it would give her more energy

Mandarine · 26/10/2018 15:30

Swing - I don’t think the school did “jump to conclusions”. This is actually a load of drama over nothing. The OP describes herself as being “hauled” into the school - in actual fact, she was just called in to collect her DD who was not feeling well and the school mentioned that the DD had told them she hadn’t eaten breakfast. What do you expect the school to say? They are just giving standard advice - why take the hump and then go on MN to try and justify yourself?

Yes, of course the DD May have been unwell for a while host of reasons. However, if she has PMT / period pains, a headache, bug, cold or whatever - then not having eating will hardly be helping her, will it.

It really has come to something when teachers can’t even give standard, well-meaning advice without some parent getting worked up and complaining. Who would be a teacher these days fgs?

MyBrexitIsIll · 26/10/2018 16:24

I was simply making the point that I don't restrict her access to breakfast, but I don't suggest it as in her situation (not feeling hungry yet) it's not healthy. That's my opinion, and many agree.

Hmm interesting...
You seem to forget that many disagree with you too.
If I was you, I’d be looking what the recent research is actually saying on the subject. (Hint, it says that if you want to loose weight, you need to eat breakfast!!)
I would also listen tompeole who have had a very different experience than you.
No point postingin AIBU and then ignoring posters who have a Different experience/opinions/knowledge than you....

Queenofthedrivensnow · 26/10/2018 16:30

Yabvu. Neglect in teenagers is just as common as in younger children and just as harmful.

Whoisshequestionmark · 26/10/2018 16:31

I've only read the first page. I have two in secondary school. One eats breakfast every morning and the other won't. Neither are over weight, on a diet or using food as control in any way. I always eat breakfast and my husband doesn't.
Simply put not everyone can stomoch it.

corythatwas · 26/10/2018 16:41

"Tell a Spanish person that people in Britain usually don't eat between 7pm and 7am and they'll gasp at the long break. (I know some people in the south of England eat later)."

Tell it to a Swedish person and they won't bat an eyelid.

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