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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel sorry for this colleague but to still think she's being unreasonable

122 replies

justfloatingpast · 24/10/2018 14:00

We have a big event coming up in work and it will be all hands on deck and longer hours than usual. We were told months ago that no leave would be approved for that particular week unless it was for an emergency of some sort.

A colleague has now asked for the entire week off because her boyfriend has booked them both a surprise holiday to celebrate her 40th birthday. Her request for leave has been refused. She has quite a key role to play in the forthcoming event and her absence would put other people under even more pressure, particularly as another colleague had to have emergency surgery last week so will not be available.

She's furious at not getting the leave, but AIBU to think her BF should have checked with her manager before booking the week away, particularly as I'm sure he would have been aware of the event as she's been working on it for months?

OP posts:
LanaorAna2 · 24/10/2018 16:55

Some people deliberately get 'surprised' at busy times. I worked with a woman who systematically produced big family occasions in the week of our annual conference abroad - every year.

Year 1. Engagement hol
Year 2. Wedding
Year 3. Pregnant

She hit the roof when I refused to cover Year 3.

My job was preparing all the material for the conf, working till 2am all the previous month, so you are dead on your feet before it starts, you can't do both. I did for two years.

Year 3, my bosses booked her a train ticket (too pregnant to fly) and gave me the week off. She had the bloody cheek not to talk to me for months.

Bestseller · 24/10/2018 16:57

No, I don't agree CarryOnScreaming. Most people surely don't celebrate their birthday on the actual day, if they're doing more than tea and cake anyway, you find a convenient time the following weekend etc. They could still call it her birthday surprise if it was a month later

Notacluewhatthisis · 24/10/2018 16:59

Sorry but I don't believe her. She knew about the second wee and knew about this trip or the trip doesn't exist. She just wants the week off

Notacluewhatthisis · 24/10/2018 17:00

The woman was told months ago no leave would be authorised. It's not like she only just found out.

lydiaatthebarre · 24/10/2018 17:01

I don't agree either. OP has said that already one member of the team has had to have emergency surgery, and there is no way of being sure that someone else won't be ill/suffer a bereavement/have an ill child that week. The reason annual leave requests aren't granted are in order to ensure that if someone becomes ill/resigned as you queried in your post, there are still sufficient staff present to carry the workload.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/10/2018 17:08

When we request leave on the HR system you have to tick a box acknowledging that you can’t book anything before it’s been approved by your line manager.

Is this unusual? Claiming it’s a surprise is an attempt to circumvent it, I get that, but we literally don’t get leave unless it’s been prior approved so it wouldn’t matter what story you came up with and you’d be in a world of trouble if you tried.

Persiangirl · 24/10/2018 17:11

Sounds like the “surprise” is a little cheeky yearly habit which has now been curtailed by the Manager (haha)!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 24/10/2018 17:14

It's really quite simple isn't it - she got away with it last time so expects to again (and no, I don't believe she didn't know about the week's extension/"surprise" holiday either)

You probably think she "wouldn't be stupid enough to call in sick" because you're a reasonable person, but I wouldn't want to bet on it. After all, if she cared that much about how things look she wouldn't be going around with red eyes and a doleful look

Anyway, look forward to fireworks if she's planning to have kids ...

Missingstreetlife · 24/10/2018 17:16

Anne it's standard you ask for leave dates

eddielizzard · 24/10/2018 17:19

My sympathy would also run very thin. But brace yourself for the sickies...

choirmumoftwo · 24/10/2018 17:25

Not quite the same but I have a colleague who looks for holiday deals, books the holiday then comes into work and says she's going. Management have never had the nerve to tell her that actually, she can't have the time off, so she keeps doing it.
To make it even worse, she's in her 60's with no school aged children/grandchildren and has been off for the last 4 half term holidays without discussion (doesn't go on the sort of holiday that is affected by school holiday prices).
It's just thoughtless and entitled behaviour.

TulipsInBloom1 · 24/10/2018 17:31

Any decent employee wouldnt even have asked work. They would be shocked and pissed off with their OH for booking a holiday across an event they are actively involved in.

Poloshot · 24/10/2018 17:31

She's BSing

Bluntness100 · 24/10/2018 17:32

I'd also suspect she knew and is saying it was a surprise as a way to justify it,

I don't agree it's unreasonable of her employer. She's known for months and it's one week. I've done the same to teams myself, told them no leave during x period, and as much as it's unpopular, it's always been adhered to because people understand why,

Bestseller · 24/10/2018 17:32

HR types, what would happen if she did take the holiday as sick leave?

Whilst it would be very suspicious, it's only a week so she could self certificate. Would it be likely that there's be any further investigation even though there'd be a very strong suspicion that she'd been away?

I have a similar situation, where I'm fully expecting them to go sick. I usually don't have staff as FB friends but I'm tempted to add this one so I can see what he's up to that week (yes, he probably is that stupid!). OTOH I'm wondering if it's worth the aggravation and whether to let it go for a member of staff who is otherwise excellent.

SassitudeandSparkle · 24/10/2018 17:33

I think she knew but thought she would get away with it again

I had a colleague who was away for a week, the holiday was a bit crap and we had a phone call to say that her DH had booked a second week away because the first one was so bad. It did not go down well and she wasn't even in to speak to face-to--face!

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 24/10/2018 17:40

I wouldn't be surprised if she still called in sick.

I knew a junior doctor who called in sick after being refused annual leave for a particular week, and arguing their case and being turned down a second time. It was obvious they had faked sickness and they were bollocked on their return, but no further punishment.

Unless she actually thinks she will be fired, I expect she will call in sick.

Seeingadistance · 24/10/2018 17:46

I suspect this is bullshit.

However, I’m really surprised by how many would be ok with a partner contacting their employer behind their back to book their annual leave. I’m possibly even more surprised that their employers accept leave leave requests from someone who is not the employee. The only person the employer should be dealing with is their employee.

Pinkyyy · 24/10/2018 17:49

For it to have happened once is believable, you just put it down to her BF not using his brain. But a second time and I'd have to agree that it's a bit too convenient. She probably thought it worked a charm last time and that she would get away with the same again

posieperkinandpootle · 24/10/2018 17:52

My husband manages a team of nearly 200 and refused a last minute holiday request due to business need and max no already booked off. Come the Monday the guy's mum phoned to say he was really ill and would probably be off all week. The team member that dealt with all that sort of admin explained he was meant to phone himself and could she speak to him, but no he was sleeping. She called back later and he still couldn't come to the phone. DH, smelling the bullshit, called but didn't say who it was, just came across all matey "Hi Mrs X, don't suppose X is there, I'm not getting through on his mobile" she said "oh there must be a problem with it working in Ibiza". He was sacked.

NellieDavie · 24/10/2018 17:58

I've booked surprise holidays for my OH in the past and always checked with his work to book the time off for him first (I knew most of his coworkers very well so this was easy enough to do). He's booked surprise trips for me, but always told me to book XX dates off work. Wouldn't dare book anything if I wasn't sure it would be possible to go.

Mythologies · 24/10/2018 17:59

Am I the only one who thinks it relevant that it is the BF who has landed this woman in the shit at work - twice- putting her job at risk.
Not so much CF coworker as a wanker of a BF methinks.

QueenDoria · 24/10/2018 18:00

Controlling partner. No wonder she is crying...

dontalltalkatonce · 24/10/2018 18:04

Am I the only one who thinks it relevant that it is the BF who has landed this woman in the shit at work - twice- putting her job at risk.

It's not at all relevant to the team at work or HR. That's her personal problem.

Santaclarita · 24/10/2018 18:07

Op, start preparing to handle the cfs work on the week she wants off. 99% certain she will call in sick. Be prepared for that because let's face it, she is a whiner and won't turn up.