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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel sorry for this colleague but to still think she's being unreasonable

122 replies

justfloatingpast · 24/10/2018 14:00

We have a big event coming up in work and it will be all hands on deck and longer hours than usual. We were told months ago that no leave would be approved for that particular week unless it was for an emergency of some sort.

A colleague has now asked for the entire week off because her boyfriend has booked them both a surprise holiday to celebrate her 40th birthday. Her request for leave has been refused. She has quite a key role to play in the forthcoming event and her absence would put other people under even more pressure, particularly as another colleague had to have emergency surgery last week so will not be available.

She's furious at not getting the leave, but AIBU to think her BF should have checked with her manager before booking the week away, particularly as I'm sure he would have been aware of the event as she's been working on it for months?

OP posts:
SilverySurfer · 24/10/2018 14:58

I would save your sympathy for someone who deserves it, not this CF.

Original poster
justfloatingpast · 24/10/2018 14:58

I think she'd be very unpopular with management if she called in sick, and it might affect her reputation here. I really don't think she'd be that stupid.

OP posts:
Gingerrogered · 24/10/2018 15:00

CF. Bet she’s had the holiday booked ages and thought she’d pretend it was a surprise at the last minute so they’d feel obliged to let her go. Bet that holiday was booked for two weeks in the first place too.

bringbackthestripes · 24/10/2018 15:05

What gives her BF the right to decide her holiday leave? Extending the holiday when she was already away was bad enough but booking a holiday without giving a thought to check with her employer first is ludicrous! I wouldn’t be feeling sorry for her, I would be pissed off that she would happily swan off leaving lots of work and pressure for her colleagues given half the chance.

Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 24/10/2018 15:06

My husband did this for me. But he is not an idiot. Got in contact with work and booked the days off without me knowing. It was wonderful.

BolleauxtoBankers · 24/10/2018 15:10

"My husband did this for me. But he is not an idiot. Got in contact with work and booked the days off without me knowing. It was wonderful."

That would be the normal thing to do, I'd have thought?

dontalltalkatonce · 24/10/2018 15:15

I'd have zero sympathy. What a chancer. FFS, it's a birthday, not an emergency. Ignore her sniffles.

PumpkinSpiceAmericanoNoSugar · 24/10/2018 15:19

My DH did this once, not a surprise trip but he booked flights for us to his home country for Christmas once. Work did let me have the time off, but were a bit miffed about it. On the other hand this was in about September and I only had to give a month's notice so I could have found another job if I hadn't been allowed the holiday (this was in the 90s when there were plenty of jobs).

2Brieornot2Brie · 24/10/2018 15:20

I once extended a holiday but I checked with the hotel re availability, then called my manager to ask permission before I actually booked it.

FlamingJuno · 24/10/2018 15:23

I would assume that she's trying to get out of the project tbh. Is she on top of her work in respect of it? I wonder if she's dropped the ball and is now trying to be off the pitch when event is happening?

happypoobum · 24/10/2018 15:30

She is a CF and a liar.

I bet you £20, 000, 000 she doesn't come in. As PP have suggested, is there a chance she just doesn't want to do the event?

Moreisnnogedag · 24/10/2018 15:31

I can’t beleive she got the week off before!! I just can’t imagine ringing up and asking for an extra week like that.

SausageOnAFork · 24/10/2018 15:32

I call bullshit on the surprise second week too. They wouldn’t have taken enough clothes etc if they didn’t know.

Laureline · 24/10/2018 15:41

As a manager I have zero sympathy. She was warned.

CaseStudyResearch · 24/10/2018 15:42

I’d have no sympathy - she knew the rules.

I had a colleague who booked a skiing holiday in a time period that no one was allowed to take leave in. He circumvented the normal leave policy and yet no manager had the balls to tell him he couldn’t go.

I already know that many colleagues are planning on doing the same next year as there were no consequences. Management absolutely made a rod for their own backs now.

Ohheyyy · 24/10/2018 15:44

She's a CF and her boyfriend is an idiot.

notacooldad · 24/10/2018 15:47

"My husband did this for me. But he is not an idiot. Got in contact with work and booked the days off without me knowing. It was wonderful."

That would be the normal thing to do, I'd have thought?

a normal thing to do? I would go mad if my DP went behind my back and booked leave on my behalf without me knowing about it! I decide when I need my leave.

Back to the OP. i wouldn't have an ounce of sympathy I am afraid. She knew it was a crucial time at work and should have fired it straight back at boyfriend saying how fucking dare you make assumptions that I can just drop everything because you say so. If it's genuine it's not nice and romantic it's putting people on the spot. If it's not true she is liar!

dontalltalkatonce · 24/10/2018 15:48

Surprise second week, surprise holiday, my arse. She doesn't want to do the project. Too fucking bad.

Sparklesocks · 24/10/2018 15:48

If it’s genuine, it’s a shame – but tough luck. It’s not like you had zero notice. If anything she should’ve told her partner this event was happening close to her 40th so she couldn’t plan anything for that week.
Also, even if it was a less critical week – it’s HUGELY risky to book a holiday for your partner without checking their work first. Even if he was unaware of this event (surely it’s unlikely she hasn’t mentioned this very important thing which is dominating her working life, unless she never mentions work to him) he can’t possibly know if there were key meetings that week or if others were off. It seems odd someone would drop all that cash on a holiday without doing the very basic checks!

But your update about him previously booking a ‘surprise’ extra week a few years ago makes me suspicious this is all a plan to get out of the project. Surely ESPECIALLY after last time you would check?? It all looks a bit dodgy to me. Glad your manager is sticking to their guns, it would be bad morale if they made exceptions for stupid partners.

TruffleShuffles · 24/10/2018 15:54

If he genuinely has booked a surprise holiday he’s got nobody but himself to blame for them not being able to go. My husband and I organised a surprise holiday for his parents this year to celebrate milestone birthdays and the first thing we did was get in touch with both of their bosses to ensure the time off was ok.

Is there anything in your contracts about not turning up during certain periods when you’ve have holiday declined? I used to work for a well known shop who has big sales and we would be dismissed for any unauthorised absences over sale times and this was clearly outlined in our contracts.

MiggledyHiggins · 24/10/2018 15:57

If it's true, then the boyfriend is a controlling git. He's keen to have her jeopardise her job and is forcing her to choose between him and her job.

Or it could be she's a cheeky fucker who knew all along but thought that as a surprise, work would back down. Pity she pulled that stunt already though because now it's less believable.

BewareOfDragons · 24/10/2018 15:59

She's a chancer. I highly doubt it was a surprise; they thought they'd get away with it again.

No sympathy

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 24/10/2018 16:06

It's a lovely gesture from her boyfriend but a bit dim to assume that she could just suddenly take a certain week off work. And as it had apparently happened a previous time if she was really not in on it she would have told him never to do it again as it caused problems at work (in a nice way). So it would be highly unlikely to happen again. I would guess she's trying to get out of the long hours and decided to try her luck!

astoundedgoat · 24/10/2018 16:33

I would be FURIOUS if my boyfriend decided that he could pick and choose my leave like that.

It just screams "I don't take you or your career seriously and never will (because I've done this before). My need to be "romantic" and impressive trumps your need for gainful employment."

CarryOnScreamingValenta · 24/10/2018 16:54

Going against the grain, I do have some sympathy for your colleague.

I've seen too many of these 'all hands on deck and clear your diaries' events get pulled at the last minute because something somewhere hasn't yet been signed off; with no apology or real explanation.

I do think, within reason, colleagues should be able to take the leave they are entitled to whenever they want. Obviously, operational requirements have to be considered and normally people book around them, but in this instance, your colleague is celebrating a milestone birthday - not a 'moveable feast'.

Employers are often too quick to declare their own events as being of world-stopping importance. What would happen if this colleague was (genuinely) ill? What would happen if she resigned? They'd find some way around it, I am sure.

I do agree that the Portugal incident was not on at all, and it's unfortunate that she's marked her card in this way - a second similar incident does suggest she's using the 'surprise' holiday as a card to play, which isn't fair.

But taking the 'surprise holiday' element out of things, if this were 'AIBU to be upset that work won't give me time off to celebrate my 40th even though I have given plenty of notice' - I think she would have a valid point.