Am I an ungrateful twat?

[dirtyandscusting]

So today it's my birthday. Very Late 30s, kids, serious and stressful job - when I was younger I'd have classed me as a "proper" grown up (ish).

I have very few expectations of my birthday I don't get cards or texts from family etc, and have fewer expectations of my partner we've been together long enough for me to know present buying isn't his forte so this year I suggested no presents and instead we go out, just us two as I've been pregnant and breastfeeding for forever (2 under 2) and don't particularly want or need anything..."no dirtyandscusting, no, no, no. I've pulled it out of the bag this year and reckon I've got you an alright gift" he says.

So, my DP has just given me his present, he's spent nearly £40 on a Gryffindor scarf (Harry Potter merch in case you're unsure).

Now, I love HP and I'm a bit of a geek about it but I do not feel as a nearly 40 year old woman I can wear a fucking gryffindor scarf, furthermore it was nearly £40 and it's not even brilliant quality it's all thin and laughably long - I'm on mat leave at the mo and that is almost 1/10 of my current pay!!! I'd honestly rather he not got me a gift than waste his money on something I'll never wear.

Do I hurt his fragile male ego by telling him it's not something I'd have chosen (or asked for) or AIB completely U and an ungrateful twat and should I just spend the winter reluctantly wearing it and misplace it during the summer?

Best bit is I'd totally have been sorted into Ravenclaw, not Gryffindor. The showy gets.

Going as all 4 Marauders is amazing! I would have loved to have seen that! You beat me, hands down :)

Go onto the Pottermore website and take the test.

My 8 year old got Ravenclaw. I am very jealous.

The rest of us got Gryffindor.

Anyway, valid reason to exchange?

Yeah, Pottermore is the only place to be truly sorted. None of the FB ones count. If you want to be canon, it has to be Pottermore.

You beat me, hands down

Oh no - really, yours sounds like a lot more effort and, I'm sure, a more impressive execution.

I'm a Pottermore Ravenclaw, obviously. I mean, I'd like to be brave enough to be in Gryffindor, but I'm too busy cowering behind a pile of books in the library to save the world...

Mid forties here. I wear green & silver Slytherin with pride. Helps if you have the scarf to match your House though so yeah, I’d exchange it. Favourite boots and jacket, you’re all set. Happy birthday

ravenpuff. There's someone on here who describes herself as a Slytherpuff. DD says a badger-headed snake.

Don’t say anything. It does sound like he tried.

I do understand though - I’ve been where you are but it was an ugly antique hairbrush. I still don’t understand how that came about

Best bit is I'd totally have been sorted into Ravenclaw, not Gryffindor. The showy gets.

😂😂

I just got sorted. I’m in Hufflepuff .

This is a hard one.

My hubby once bought me a dress that looked like a lady beetle haha, although I didn't say anything, one look at my face and he knew.... he let me swap it over and I got a dress that I loved and wear all the time :- )

He also bough me earrings that were so chunky they nearly ripped my ears off lol, again, despite trying to be happy about them he picked up that I hated them and we swapped them over for some that I love.

Luckily he saw the plus side to swapping them over and me having something that I would love to own.

It has also happened in reverse when I bought him something and could tell he didn't like it/wanted a different version. We swapped those over and got the ones he wanted.

It's a hard call but I would rather know that I got my partner something that wouldn't be wasted instead of them hiding my gift away lol.

Also mid forties, Slytherin scarf is being put to use, especially this coming weekend.

Happy birthday!

I'm a years ago sorted pottermore ravenclaw. He actually told me this morning (as I was marvelling at the price tag again) that I'm the bravest person he knows so he thought I should be a gryffindor.
I'm slightly mollified and impressed that he can trot out such utter garbage to make me feel a bit happier.
Manipulative sod 

DD would be horrified at being given a Gryffindor scarf. She was unsurprisingly sorted into Ravenclaw. She is Luna Lovegood! As a relative puts it, spacey but intelligent.

Ah, you've got a good one there, dirty! I'd still be tempted to ltb . Not really, I couldn't work up the outrage necessary over Joss stone gate. Although he hasn't forgotten that one, mainly because DC's chorused What did you get her that for? She hates Joss stone (sorry Joss if you're reading, nothing personal)

Happy birthday! Stuff happens like that. You were thought about, and he did brave the shops/websites to find something especially with you in mind. That's worth a lot, really. The only thing to do with the birthday present issue is either to be totally specific as to exactly what you want, (though in that case l you might as well buy it yourself anyway), or accept whatever you've been given with a good grace and put it away for ever or recycle after a decent interval. There's a cliche, "it's the thought that counts" and like all cliches there is some truth in it....

You should just return the scarf (ask for the receipt from your partner!), and then go treat yourself with that £40.
You are both adults! He won't be 'hurt', it's not that deep for crying out loud, it's just a birthday present :/

My husband bought me the same scarf and I had the same feelings. He doesn't know still. My dss wore it for a few fancy dress parties and the cat sleeps on it!

No don’t - I made the mistake of saying something once thinking he wouldn’t mind but he was genuinely hurt - it’s not worth hurting his feelings over a scarf and just be happy that he thought of you x

@user1483644229

And what about his birthday? Do you choose what to get? Are you better at choosing presents than him? Seems a shame to accept you will get shit presents from him.

I do tell him what I would like in advance but if he does go off course I don’t tell him as it isn’t kind. It’s about the thought not me getting what I want materially

I LOVE hp however i do not want the wear the merch because why? I am totally on your side. my brother bought me custom HP glitter tumblers (1 of each house) and they are hideous. As they were custom, there was no chance of a return so i said i love them and they live in the cupboard. LOL

I can see why he felt bad not providing a gift on your birthday and its obvious he tried hard but i do agree that its rubbish to keep wasting money on things which you won't use or like.

I think you need to seriously up your hint game AKA omg i love this so much but i can't really justify getting it for little old me ;) . Or just straight out, i love this, please can you get it for my birthday or just send him links to things and he can choose out of those lol. He'll probably be pleased he can just purchase it and have a happy missus.

Write the hp scarf off as a loss and point him firmly in the right direction next xmas/birthday :p

Oh and for all the 'thought which counts' buggers out there, idk about you but i personally pride myself on buying presents which i see people using over and over again. If my partner didn't like a present i'd got him, i would much rather it was switched for something he would like and enjoy.

I do agree that with people you're not close knit with you should just accept your gift with good grace but i think you should have that level of honesty in your close relationships where you can say thank you so much for such a thoughtful gift darling but would you mind if i exchanged it.

Better than my DH who (before we were engaged) repeatedly hinted about “something sparkly” for my birthday. Then handed me a small wrapped box containing a glitter lip gloss. He thought it was a great joke until I cried actual real tears. I’d have bitten his hand off for a thoughtful gift like a scarf!

Oh my @SputnikBear that's actually cruel! Poor you. I hope he was very sorry indeed!

@Brigante9 do we have the same DH? Mine bought me star war stuff our first xmas - I'd never seen one!

I think the thought counts here, he's put thought into it which I think many people can't say their OHs really do. I would be annoyed at the cost of it though, he could've just primarked one.