Am I an ungrateful twat?

[dirtyandscusting]

So today it's my birthday. Very Late 30s, kids, serious and stressful job - when I was younger I'd have classed me as a "proper" grown up (ish).

I have very few expectations of my birthday I don't get cards or texts from family etc, and have fewer expectations of my partner we've been together long enough for me to know present buying isn't his forte so this year I suggested no presents and instead we go out, just us two as I've been pregnant and breastfeeding for forever (2 under 2) and don't particularly want or need anything..."no dirtyandscusting, no, no, no. I've pulled it out of the bag this year and reckon I've got you an alright gift" he says.

So, my DP has just given me his present, he's spent nearly £40 on a Gryffindor scarf (Harry Potter merch in case you're unsure).

Now, I love HP and I'm a bit of a geek about it but I do not feel as a nearly 40 year old woman I can wear a fucking gryffindor scarf, furthermore it was nearly £40 and it's not even brilliant quality it's all thin and laughably long - I'm on mat leave at the mo and that is almost 1/10 of my current pay!!! I'd honestly rather he not got me a gift than waste his money on something I'll never wear.

Do I hurt his fragile male ego by telling him it's not something I'd have chosen (or asked for) or AIB completely U and an ungrateful twat and should I just spend the winter reluctantly wearing it and misplace it during the summer?

Best bit is I'd totally have been sorted into Ravenclaw, not Gryffindor. The showy gets.

Glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks the book on crafting with cat hair was rather 'out there'! It is absolutely a real book and gives instructions on how to create 'cat felt' after having collected enough cat hair, then use it to decorate things like bags and cushions. (The cat hair is supposed to get washed, just in case anyone was wondering, but somehow that doesn't detract much from the general ickyness of the concept, for me at any rate!)

We have four cats, three of them long-haired, and I'm into crafting (though normally it's papercraft or making jewellery, y'know, normal things ) so to be fair to DH I think he just thought 'plenty of available cat hair + an interest in crafting = a good gift option' and didn't really register the general icky-ness of the idea. lol

To give him his due, present-wise he's excellent at choosing jewellery, sometimes picks out some good tech items for me, but beyond that... well, the cat hair book speaks for itself, I think.

@durtynscusting......well in that case have him fashion it into a loincloth n have him dance for you-it s your birthday ;) xx

Be honest - he couldn't remember which you said. At least he tried. I'd exchange it for a cheaper ebay one and spend the difference, like someone else suggested. And wear the damned scarf. Why are we always so worried about what total strangers who pass us would think?

You can wear it! I take my kids to the leisure centre a few nights a week for different clubs. Sometimes I go into the gym, sometimes I sit and do admin work. There's a mum who is there every week and since the start of last term, she's been reading the Harry potter books. This week she was wearing a Gryffindor jumper!! Big, knitted jumper all Harry pottery. So you can wear a scarf!

Update: I'm wearing the scarf (with other clothing, I'm not that saucy) while drinking a massive glass of wine and making DP watch one of the films. He has zero interest but I keep insisting he watch. Heh heh heh. I feel like I win this round.

Glad you're embracing it. I'm not far off your age (well the wrong side of 30 anyway) and I often wear a Gryffindor hoodie - and I too am most definitely a Ravenclaw too. To hell with chivalry, I'm all about the library. However, I like the colour, so I wear the hoodie and pretend I nicked it off a Gryffindor boy I dated in my final year at Hogwarts

He's just popped over to let me know he kept the receipt so I can exchange it for a ravenpuff one.

Ravenpuff?! He really is clueless

OP, take the receipt and return it. Get yourself something you really want with the money.

It always seems to be women who get stuck with the shitty presents out of fear of offending or upsetting men.

I do get exactly where you are coming from OP. I was 40 last week. My DH got me some nice stuff that I asked for (and sent specific links to!) and then went out on a limb and bought me a hoodie plastered in the logo of our local football team. Now if I was asked which team I support, I would say this one but I haven’t been to a match since I was 15 and couldn’t name a single team member. I’m not what you’d call a fan! However, I had asked for a hoodie so there was nothing on the surface wrong with the present other than I just wouldn’t wear it. Thoughtful, but missed the mark!

I told him and we swapped it. He’d much rather spend £40+ on something I’ll actually wear. He knows me too well for me to hide my feelings.

@DiseasesOfTheSheep that's genius, clearl you were sorted into ravenclaw.
@Havaina Ravenpuff indeed. He's a lovable fool. Although clearly the many conversations we've had about various facets of potter over the years and he's not listened to a word 

If my dh got me anything hp related for a house other than Griffindor i would ltb😁

(Its the house i was sorted into like 15 years ago on the official site)

A Gryffindor scarf! I would have been furious, OP. I would expect my DP to know I’m Slytherin til I die!

£40 - even Warner Bros. notoriously expensive HP shop doesn't come close to that. He must have put a lot of effort into finding you one that expensive.

Oh dear, how do they get it so wrong?

I am 45 and would cheerfully wear it but I take HP fandom to another level! I have a cosplay quality Bellatrix costume I have made for the Halloween party at work :o

@bringincrazyback

Do you still have the crafting with cat hair book? I'm not much of a crafter but my very floofy cat sheds like a bastard. With the right instruction I could probably knit him a companion

I am Slytherin btw, but I will go with anything HP related typing on my HP decal'd laptop wearing my Slytherin nightshirt :o

Took me till my 56th birthday to NOT receive any presents at all. Success! No more tat!

@PyongyangKipperbang well, that sounds bloody awesome!

@PerspicaciaTick it's some deluxe extra long scarf. It's longer than I am tall.

A friend got me a snood too - apparently I look like I need to be kept warm as I approach middle age.

That is a terrible gift. But if it makes you feel any better about it the scarf is supposed to be really long.

apparently I look like I need to be kept warm as I approach middle age

Dont knock it, hang on to them as when you are post 40 they will come in handy right up until "Is it hot in here or is it me?!" when you fling them off and within half an hour of that, put the heating on :o

Ooh - like Dr. Who?

It is a fantastic costume, I have even dyed my hair from its usual red to very dark brown, I have a tendency to take these things far too seriously!

Incidentally, if anyone wants a Bella style goth dress, wand, dark mark transfers and size 6.5 boots then they're yours for £100, which is a lot less than I paid for them :o :o

Joking, I am keeping the lot!

I'm impressed by the sound of the Bellatrix costume... I did take a horse to a fancy dress event once - I was wearing a werewolf costume, the horse (conveniently a nice brown one) was wearing antlers, and I had a big stuffed black dog on her quarters and a stuffed rat on her neck. It was most definitely not cosplay quality, being entirely cobbled together out of what I had in the house, but I thought it was moderately inspired regardless.

I work at HP and can tell you that people of ALL ages wear all sorts. Wear it and enjoy it.