I'm conflicted. My 6yo (DD) is polite with please and thank yous, but you give her a penny and she will ask for a pound (literally). On the one hand, I think this is a great skill to have for when she is older, I picture her negotiating salaries at her annual PDR, or convincing a colleague to do that job she doesn't really like, or getting the best cuts at the butcher. I don't know. But then, right now, I feel like stopping her and restraining that skill for the sake of playdates and good relationship with other mums. I feel she can be a tiny bit of a CF sometimes, but at the same time I'm secretly proud of her negotiating skills and I'm not sure I should stop her! Plus the dynamics of gender here really play a part. I feel it looks worse because she's a girl and assertiveness is not really rewarded at this age...
Examples (loosely adapted, for anonymity): DD goes to playdate. She asks if she can get random plastic toy from their house, playdate mum says yes. DD upgrades her request to another toy that is nicer. "Oh, actually, can I take this instead?"
DD is present when someone invites little brother to party. DD puts puppy eyes and asks if she can go. We say no and that she can do something nice that day instead. Party mum feels sorry and says yes because someone dropped out. She has effectively pushed her way in the party. DD goes to party and asks for party bag at the end, which she then wants to exchange for a different bag because the one given was "for boys". She's told off by us.
DD would ask super nicely in front of other people if she could please go to their house for a playdate. I keep saying she can't invite herself to other people's houses. People invite her over after that. She then pushes for having tea at their house, which sometimes she gets. This requests are made with sweet little girl's face, she would look at friend and say "oh, maybe I can stay for tea at yours!", so they would both turn to the other mum and beg her.
DD goes and asks people directly, instead of coming through us. So all of a sudden I head people either agreeing or putting excuses for playdates, school holidays trips, weekend plans, whatever. Usually just in the shape of meeting at the park or someone's house, but still!
DD wants to see film on TV. Friend doesn't like said film. DD starts with "just let me show you the start, it has this thing (random thing not important in the plot that only appears once) that you really really like. I'll show it to you and if you don't like it, then we put the one you like"... Followed by film already on, random detail does not come until minute 30, friend has forgotten about her choice and now they watch this film. She had her way.
I feel it's rude... But then I think I'd like her to have that skill after her teenage years, so she can navigate adulthood asking for what she likes or wants. I feel I'm repressing her now but that in ten years I'll be doing the work to reverse it. I'm tempted to let her be and just excuse her to the parents...
Is your child a bit of a CF? Do you think it pays off in life later on? Is this really that bad or am I overthinking it and people don't pay attention to this from a child this age?