9 year old DD - just plain greedy!

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Sorry... posting here for traffic

DD has always had a big appetite... but recently she has become unbearable, always eating, throwing tantrums etc.

She’s always been on the ‘fuller’ side of healthy, but recently I’ve been noticing she’s looking quite overweight. I decided to step back and track what she ate yesterday:
2 slices of toast with generous amount of Nutella, a banana and small bowl of shreddies.

2 hours later was rolling about on the floor claiming she was ‘starving’ I gave her an apple. Checked up on her a minute later to see her munching on digestive biscuits from the cupboard!

For lunch she insisted on making herself TWO wraps with lots of ham and cheese inside, a bag of salt and vinegar crisps. Said she was still hungry, I offered her carrot and houmous which she reluctantly accepted.

Mid afternoon... caught her raiding the fridge, getting herself a large chunk of cadbury, and a yoghurt.

Dinner was new potatoes, steamed fish and lots of veg. She ate all of it, demanding more which I gave her, and then proceeded to make herself another bowl of shreddies afterwards.

8pm, screaming she’s hungry, that we’re starving her (!!) she had a tall glass of orange juice and a marmite crumpet.

If you ask me, that’s ridiculous! I try to make her only eat healthy snacks etc, but frankly I sometimes need an easy life. Both DH and I are fit, healthy weight. For some comparison, I, 33 years old ate:

Scrambled egg on toast breakfast.

Apple mid morning.

Salad with falafel & quinoa lunch. Cappuccino.

Greek yoghurt & honey mid afternoon

Same dinner

Chunk of cadbury (less than DD) around 9pm.

Her brother, 11, also has a good appetite, eats less than her.

What do I do ?!

Get her to drink water or chilled herbal tea.

Oh come on, what kind of a 9 year old would drink chilled herbal tea?!

When she was 9, my DD would eat far more than that, and are significantly more than either of her parents. She was also growing at a tremendous rate. She was tall and slim, though, so I was happy to trust her to regulate her own food intake. She's now 12, and the constant hunger has calmed down.

Oh come on, what kind of a 9 year old would drink chilled herbal tea?!

My 8-year-old does. And so did her brothers when they were younger (and now). It's down to what you were raised with, isn't it?

Both of my babies are a healthy, normal weight. They are 4 and 11 months. The oldest is tall for his age and the baby is small for his age.
However, a couple of months ago, my 4 year old started acting out. Stroppy, tantrumming, whinging and moaning. Now we don’t accept this behaviour in our house so we always look for a root cause. I figured out it was a bowl of sugary cereal, ice cream for desserts, sweets and crisps in between meals and lots of snacks and crap in general. I’ve cut the lot. Sugary cereal has been replaced with porridge with a banana in it. Desserts have become fruit or a natural flavoured yoghurt with some blueberries. No crisps. Biscuits have gone. The only “snacks” we now have are fruit. The whole family are healthier and his attitude has improved.

The meals don't seem particularly hearty. There's a lot of calories and sugar but not necessarily things that would fill you up. I mean, wraps and steamed fish are light. Cereal isn't filling. I might look to remedy that first, offer meals with more protein, less sugar and generally more 'filling' stuff. Then if she's still wanting to eat a lot between meals, you know there's an issue.

this is all processed carbs and sugar. She sounds like a sugar addict, which is so easy because sugar is in everything! Stop with the nutella, breakfast cereal, chocolate, etc. Which is not coincidental that two hours later she is starving. These foods cause insulin spikes.

Sugar addiction is real. If she is ravenous, she can have a piece of fruit/carrots, hardboiled egg, plain yoghurt or a babybel. Get rid of the juice, that is just sugar water. Let her have a glass of milk or water. Whenever we refused an apple or carrots as a child, my mum would say, "then you're not really hungry" which really made me think "do I just want crisps or am I actually hungry".

It is really easy to warp our perceptions of portions. Start planning out her meals and snacks with her. Let her know the meal/ snack times. And the difference between a meal and a snack... so lets say she has 7 am breakfast, she will have a snack at 10, lunch at 1, snack at 3, dinner at 6:30 so she knows when her food is coming next. Also, let her know that mild hunger is OK, especially if you know you are going to eat soon.

No more post dinner shreddies, juice, biccies etc. If she is hungry before bed: hard boiled egg, fruit, glass of milk etc. Don't limit her food, just make sure it is healthy. Stop with this sugar-carb crap.

A nine year old in the middle of a growth spurt may have significantly higher energy requirements than a middle aged woman, so comparing DD's diet with yours isn't necessarily useful. Also, growing children need (proportionally) a bit more carbohydrate and a bit less protein than adults.

I would be inclined to get rid of the junk food items like nutella (replace with peanut butter) and keep things like biscuits as very occasional treats, not something that is always in the cupboard. Wraps have about the same number of calories as two slices of wholemeal bread, but don't fill you up as much, so perhaps stop buying them too.

Porridge made from whole oats and whole milk, with a sliced banana or some other fresh fruit on top, makes a good, filling breakfast IMO. Not everyone enjoys eggs first thing.

The volume doesn't actually seem too much to me - my 3 year old could manage the same and regularly eats more than I do! But she is on her feet running and jumping from the minute she wakes up so no weight issues. Obviously some food choices could be better but maybe consider activity levels too.

I would advise handling this quite carefully. My Mum put me on a diet aged 9 when I developed puppy fat (after years of being very slim). She restricted my butter intake, sauces, sugary treats...but since we had previously had free reign, and the food she served at home was mostly processed food (I’m not sure she even realised this, I think she’d have said it was healthy), I then felt very deprived. I was hungry, I ended up in a binge/purge cycle. I started taking money to school to buy food on top of my packed lunches. When I was craving a sugar hit and there was nothing in the house, I would binge on honey on toast, cereal, anything I could find. Being told I was overweight and needed to do something about it at such a young age set me up for a lifetime of weight loss and then gain, complete with binge eating.

It’s taken me years and trying various approaches to realise that I am a sugar addict, that eating ‘low fat’ will help me lose weight for a while but then I go back. Now I’m following the ‘No S diet’ - no snacks, no sweets, no seconds except on weekends and two special days in the month. I can go far longer between meals than I thought. I can feel the sugar urges fade within a few days. I’m combining this with reading the Brain over binge book by Kathryn Hansen and listening to the blog. I’d highly recommend anyone struggling with binge eating to have a look at these.

OP I would check there’s no underlying medical issues going on, especially since she’s screaming when she’s hungry. I agree with pp, get her filled up on protein rich meals, let her have some treats but get her choosing consciously rather than eating whatever she can get her hands on, I’d phrase it about making healthy choices rather than saying anything about her weight.

I have a friend like this. I actually posted about him a few weeks ago and got flamed.

I stayed with him for a few weeks while I was waiting for my new tenancy. I bought all the food, filled the cupboards and fridge. Came back from work the next day and it was ALL gone. It's very disheartening to come home tired and hungry and there's nothing left for you to eat.

He would make huge plates of food, and an hour later say he was hungry again. You could actually see the cogs in his head turning thinking 'what else is there that I can eat?' I would laugh it off 'teasing' 'You have a problem!' But it actually really annoyed me as it was costing me a lot at a time where I had a lot of moving expenses.

I'm now in my new place and the food stays where I left it! Bliss!

Not surprised OP hasn’t been back reading some of these posts.

OP I would make sure your DD is drinking enough as your brain can confuse being hungry for being thirsty.

Also is she bored. And eating for the something to do.

What I have had to do with my DS is be strict with what he can and can’t have.
So breakfast is either

Scrambled egg or beans on toast.

Lunch is

Is a wrap or sandwich thin with filling, piece of fruit, yoghurt.

Dinner would be what ever I’ve cooked so for example lastnight he meatloaf, serving spoon of mash, peas and onion gravy. Then half an hour later he had a small piece of cake.

I always make him wait at least half an hour for dessert so if he not hungry he would forget about it and not ask again.

We do have snacks of crisps and knows he can only have one a day so if he has it lunchtime then he can’t have any more. Sweets in pre measuresd bags or mini ones again he can only have one a day.

The snacks he can have more are fruit and cheese. As these are his least favourite so will only have if he really wants to.

He is not allowed to help himself without asking first.

You clearly know what's healthy to eat and what isn't. The issue I see is you're calling out your 9 year old daughter for all of her bad choices and offering us an insightful comparison to your healthy choices.

Can she not eat the same as you for breakfast? Or baked beans as an alternative to scrambled eggs.

Give her a pudding. Rice pudding. Add fruit for flavour and sweetness.

Wholegrain. Slow releasing carbs etc.

Sweet potatoes as an alternative. The list is endless, but it's hard with children, I realise.

Exercise. Minimum guidelines for children are 60 minutes per day.

Steamed fish, though? Try a healthy fish pie instead. Or fishcakes etc.

Thanks for huge load of replies all. Actually hugely helpful.
I’m not a nasty person at all, just a bit fed up and I think that came across heavily in my post.

Taking in all of the advice!

stop the Nutella, obviously.

Porridge for breakfast with semi skimmed milk- should full her up. That’s a massive breakfast she’s having

amused so what would your advice to the OP be? Not trying to be goady.

My kids (age 6 and 7) tend to go hunting in the kitchen for food when bored. Telling them not to has no effect, they've found all the current hiding places and I don't want to have to sit in there to guard the food; so I have bought a storage box with a padlock. It's hard-core but seems to have momentarily stopped them.

People have looked shocked when I've told them about it...

Well almost everything you listed apart from dinner is an empty carb, so I'm not surprised.

I'm a bit that you're blaming the 9 year old. You and your P are the parents, why do you have sugary crap in the house if your child is struggling? Throw it out, make proper protein-and-veg based meals.

Sorry, I was a bit harsh just then. Just don't blame the kid - you can easily turn it around by having proper nutrient dense food on offer. Good luck.

PhilomenaDeathsHeadHawkMoth

For a start I'd say stop using such horrid language to describe her DD's actions. "munching on...", "raiding...". It sounds horribly judgemental and like she's disgusted by her daughter being hungry. My mum would say things like "you can't possibly be hungry!" and wouldn't allow me to eat anything. She'd also say things like "pull your jeans up, your belly is hanging out". It was overly descriptive and negative, designed to shame.

Just don't make such a big deal about food. Restricting things and making them off limits flips a switch in most people's heads, which makes them that much more tempting!

@3luckystars your post was so kind and helpful.

I am facing similar issues to OP but do not eat quinoa for lunch. It is easy to say ignore tantrums but it is not easy to cope with tantruming. Also repying to "I am hungry" straight after breakfst is not an easy conversation to deal with sensitively.

I do worry about her future. I went through eatinf disorder and I think I can see emotional eating but its so hard to remedy.

I totally understand. I was worried out of my mind about my daughter for the last few months. I even got a book out of the library about how to handle it.

My son is very tall so eats the same and is very thin, so it's so difficult to balance everything.

I don't think it's nice to blame parents because children are like butterflies, each fly in a different way but they all are beautiful.

Anyway. I measured and weighed her and it said she was bordering on overweight so I had a good look at our daily meals.
They were getting breakfast, lunch at school, then a small meal when they came home and then dinner with us in the evenings.
So I cut out the small meal after school and changed our dinner to 2 hours earlier.

So I was measuring her in for her halloween outfit and she has grown 5 cms in the last few weeks. So in summary, just try to make small changes and hopefully everything will balance out.

Good luck.

She needs more protein.

Why are you feeding yourself healthy foods but allowing your daughter to eat so much crap.Her blood sugar levels will be all over the place after that sugar laden breakfast,and then the raiding of biscuit tin and chocolate throughout the day.Give her scrambled egg on toast too with a glass of milk for breakfast.Two wraps is fine for lunch but offer her a yogurt instead of the crisps.The dinner sounds healthy enough,but maybe not filling enough for her if she's going through a growth spurt,so she may need a healthy snack a bit later-some marmite on wholemeal toast and another glass of milk perhaps.Stop putting temptation in her way-hide or don't buy the choc,the biscuits and the nutella(and yes I know I'm a traitor to my name lol) and allow her to help herself to fruit,veg and buttered toast,which she will enjoy if she is genuinely hungry.

Maybe try something with more protein. I disagree with ppl on here and would tell her outright that she's getting chubby because she's eating crap but then say well it's my fault for buying the crap so from now on it stops. Go food shopping with her and plan your meals together so she has an input on what she's going to eat.

This really isn't an uncommon problem. Step one, empty your house of biscuits, sweets, cake, chocolate spread, and anything else with lots of sugar. It is addictive. Step two, talk to your daughter. Calmly. Tell her what you are doing, and why. Show her pictures of human bodies, and explain that millions of people eat too much, and the trick is to learn to love and respect your own body. Step three, work with her not to fear the feeling of being hungry. It is an in-built phobia, the same as heights or snakes. Humans have a natural fear that they need to overcome, and slowly get her not to fear the feeling of hunger. It is tough, but now is the time to do it, and you will all be much happier in the end. Good luck!