Page 4 | Too embarrassed for hairdresser

LEMtheoriginal · 2018-10-21T22:48:09+00:00

My hair desperate needs cutting but im too embarrased to go to the hair dresser. Can anyone give tips for cutting myself?

DuckofDoom · 22/10/2018 14:29

OP, I completely understand. I was in your position a couple of years ago. I hadn’t been to a hairdresser in about 20 years, but my hair was so dry and frizzy and just awful, that I bit the bullet. I think I got lucky finding someone I really clicked with straight away. He was amazing, made me feel really comfortable and I’d genuinely be lost without him now, two years later. When he left the salon, I started going to the new one because I was too anxious of seeing someone else, but it was his suggestion so I didn’t feel like I was imposing myself on him.

I remember feeling so awkward and out of place the first time I went to the salon, but now I get a blow dry every 2-4 weeks and it’s one of my favourite things in life. I always come out feeling like “me” again.

I know lots of people are recommending a mobile hairdresser, but that wouldn’t have worked for me as my anxiety means I’m a bit funny about having people in my house (even my friends and family!) The suggestion of a small, village hairdresser catering for the elderly is wonderful. Definitely try that!

I also thought I’d give you my experience with my teeth. My thoughts on my teeth were worse than my hair. I didn’t go to the dentist for 10 years and they were in a terrible state. Eventually I caught a glimpse of the back of them in the mirror and they were way worse than I thought, and I couldn’t leave it any longer. I researched local dentists that cater to nervous patients, found one and called them up to explain I was very anxious. I actually cried when I got there because I was so embarrassed to show the dentist my teeth but she and the nurse were wonderful. Two years on, I’ve had a lot of intensive hygiene work and a course of whitening, and I’m no longer ashamed to smile with my teeth out.

Sorry this post is so long. I wanted to give you hope that even with your anxiety, you can push past these issues and find ways to change your insecurities. I can’t even tell you how much confidence I have now with regular hair and dentist appointments (and brow waxes and nails!) I spent so much of my life feeling insecure about my appearance but these little fixes have changed everything. (I’m still fat but even then, I’ve found I don’t hate my body any more)

Best of luck! I really hope you find someone to make you feel amazing

DuckofDoom · 22/10/2018 14:30

I was also going to say that having your hair cut professionally will make you feel ten times better than if you do it yourself/ get an untrained friend to do it. I know it’s scary but the end result will be amazing

Hidingtonothing · 22/10/2018 14:52

I’m in a similar boat OP though for different reasons. I pick my scalp (anxiety related) and am too embarrassed to let a hairdresser see the damage I’ve done. I’m perimenopausal and my hair is falling out plus I’m pretty sure I’m getting bald patches because of damage/scarring from the picking so as you can imagine I look awful.

I have found a hairdresser I like (she cuts DD’s hair) and am working up to talking to her about my worries but it’s bloody hard to be brave when you feel crap about yourself. I second PP’s advice to ask on a local FB group, specifically for a hairdresser who is good with anxious customers, I guarantee you won’t be the only one who’s felt like this.

Getting it done will make you feel better though, it’s just getting over that initial hurdle. Would it help (once you’ve found someone you think you could work with) if I said I will if you will? We could spur each other on

GhouldaLovesLillies · 22/10/2018 14:57

Lem, I"m the same.

I found a lovely local retro-fifties-alternative salon who I didn't mind going to, but they closed down and I can't track down the stylist :-(

So it's back to the DIY Mumsnet hairstyle for me (I can't believe no-one else has mentioned it yet!)

GhouldaLovesLillies · 22/10/2018 15:02

Ha! Thread form 2012 here... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/1403769-I-bloody-love-the-MN-haircut

RubyWho · 22/10/2018 16:20

OP, I have felt / feel like this. Hair and teeth especially. My advice would be to go to a small hairdressing business rather than a large chain, or perhaps even use a mobile hairdresser who comes to your home?

Justanotheruser01 · 22/10/2018 16:52

Please don't feel this way my hair often gets quite knotty (i do brush it etc!!) Due yo health condition To the point once I wanted my hair dresser just to cut it all out it was a horrible mattered mess she enjoyed the challenge and said it was easier for her to do it than me as she can get to it on a different angle than me after she got it out I burst into tears it was such a relief on my anxiety I cherish my hairdresser and would probably travel to other side of country for her! You'll find the right hairdresser and it'll be a lot better

Thenewdoctor · 22/10/2018 17:32

Oh LEM please just find somewhere nice and go I’m sure you don’t look half as bad as you think you do and a good haircut will make all the difference.

PlateOfBiscuits · 22/10/2018 17:42

@Becca19962014 I remember your thread! I’m so glad you found someone you trust. I bet you felt wonderful after

Myusername101z · 22/10/2018 17:46

Why don’t you look for somebody mobile ? You may feel comfortable in your own home you can find someone on gum tree who you like the look of and message them your concerns before hand x

GoopWrithing · 22/10/2018 18:11

Just to add my own experience, in the hopes it might help a bit, or something.

I didn't go to a hair dresser for about eight years. First it just wasn't something I was thinking about (so much else going on and stuff like didn't even feature in my thinking), and then I was in a rut, anxious, and embarrassed to have let it get to a state. I also hated the idea of trendy salons with young, pretty, trendy staff, in the fear they would judge me.

In the end I found a cheaper, local hair dresser, who did things like visits to care homes, and didn't come across as cutting edge trendy in general. I walked in anxiously and just asked them to more or less cut it all off - it was dry and horrible. The hair dresser was extremely kind and lovely. No hint of judgement, no questions about why I hadn't been having it cut regularly. She suggested that maybe instead of cutting it all off, she'd trim away all the dry, and then cut it into a style, and if I didn't like it, she'd cut more. I honestly didn't care, so agreed to let her do her thing. She made it lovely, actually lovely! And she was so kind it made going back for a trim again a lot easier. It ended up being a real mood booster for me at the time.

LittleMG · 22/10/2018 18:34

Ok I am a hairdresser and I can tell you there is pretty much NOTHING that could surprise me on your head. Hairdressers really do see it all, do not feel embarrassed it’s our job to make you look and feel good. I would be so pleased if u came to me feeling crap and I made u feel better about yourself. Get to a nice reputable place, relax, except the coffee and biscuits or whatever and just be honest and people will respond with kindness I’m sure. GOOD LUCK I MEAN IT!

LittleMG · 22/10/2018 18:36

Sorry forgot to add, please don’t cut it yourself you won’t feel any better about it. I can cut hair but I’d never cut my own! (36 weeks pregnant and hair like a witch atm lol) x

Original poster

LEMtheoriginal · 22/10/2018 19:25

Thankyou everyone for your kindness. I spoke to a colleague today and she has given me the number of the lady who does her hair. She has had some proper disasters due to overzealous dyeing buther hair always looks great.

I

OP posts:

Becca19962014 · 22/10/2018 19:27

I hope they can help you lem

phlebasconsidered · 22/10/2018 19:34

I hear you. My hair had fallen out so badly due to a medical condition that I needed it cut very, very short. My partner booked me in a posh salon thinking he was being lovely but it was awful, awful.
I ended up giving myself a grade 2 all over and i didnt venture back until 6 years later to proper hairdressers. I got a lovely local lady to come to my home. It was much better and much more sympathetic. Even now i know that hairdressers are not really able to "see" my problem and they just can't deal with it. (Sporadically i can lose ALL hair, body and head) whereas a local in house will build a relationship and be honest.

I get where you are coming from. Sitting there with no eyebrows and hardly any hair was in many ways worse than labour!

TarquinGyrfalcon · 22/10/2018 19:47

I'm glad you have found someone.

I walked into the hairdressers having not had a hair cut for years - I had booked with an older lady but she was off ill so I ended up with a young, trendy gorgeous male hairdresser.
I was horrified and blurted out 'don't judge me' as he started to examine my hair.
He was lovely and gave me a fab haircut - I left feeling 10 years younger and infinitely more confident

QuackPorridgeBacon · 22/10/2018 20:29

Glad to hear you have found someone. It’s awful that you go through so much with such little help. I don’t live in Wales so I won’t comment too much but there has to be something. You’re being left in horrible circumstances by no fault of your own. It’s disgusting how people that need extra help can be treated.

mapleleafs · 22/10/2018 20:37

OP I know where you’re coming from. I suffer from anxiety and once had silly girls in a hair salon laughing and giggling and I felt so intimidated.
Ivy parents never took me to a salon so at this point as an adult I’d been so scared to go this was only my third trip in my life.
Now I find hair salons that are for big standard normal people or elderly people. They aren’t fussed with latest styles or fashions they’re there to cut hair. And if you talk and say how much effort it took you to be there I’m sure they’ll be super kind

ravenmum · 22/10/2018 20:47

Hope it gives you a bit of a boost.

LittleMG · 22/10/2018 20:48

Good luck I really hope it makes you feel nice. I do home hair and it surprised me at first how many people feel horrible in a salon, you’re not alone in that x makes me feel like I should get mine done now!

Graphista · 22/10/2018 23:07

Great stuff hope you have a lovely time I'm sure you'll look great

yesyesyess · 22/10/2018 23:18

Go somewhere far from where you live so you dont have to care what the hairdresser thinks of you, you might never see her again! And ask for their recommendation on what hairstyle suits you. You might feel so much better after. One step at a time.

LadyDeadpool · 22/10/2018 23:26

LEM I know your MH issues are telling you they'll laugh at you and you're not worthy of this self care but you are absolutely worthy and no one will laugh. I know it's terrifying but it is self care and you deserve that. Just plaster on the fake smile and grit your teeth I know it'll be hard I've been there but it's worth it, you'll gain a little of you back and you'll be stronger for it.
Don't listen to that little voice in your head it doesn't always speak the truth.

Darkestnight · 22/10/2018 23:36

I was in a situation like yourself op but met a mobile hairdresser at my slimming club I went to then. She came and sorted my hair out and now I'm OK with it.

I have chronic anxiety but have lost weight n feel better.
You will feel great when you have had your hair done and in turn could lead to more things in helping you feel confident.