Too embarrassed for hairdresser

[LEMtheoriginal]

My hair desperate needs cutting but im too embarrased to go to the hair dresser.

Can anyone give tips for cutting myself?

I use a mobile hairdresser because I usually have children around who would ruin a salon experience. It’s low key and easy.

Pinterest is a good source of hair photos to get ideas.

Yup can hairdresser comes to you?

Aw op, I'm sure it's salvageable! You say it's long, thin and grey - so probably lots for the hairdresser to work with!

Do you have an idea of what you'd like? How about keeping the grey as your natural colour for now, just going for a really great cut you like and asking them to recommend some shampoo so it looks shiny and in good nick and isn't hard to maintain? Grey looks really cool cut with a nice cut.

I'm assuming your hair is straight ish from your description - like any of these at all as cuts? All pretty low maintenance.

I go to a salon that's quite punk and frequented by pretty young things seeking rainbow hair.

And, it seems, older women, not in great cosmetic order, but leaving with lovely, well cut hair.

Maybe, if you're not confident, go for a blow dry and ask for some style ideas that you can follow up. A good salon will leave you wanting to rush back for a cut.

As others have suggested, try and find a reputable mobile hairdresser. I used one for a while, but she got pregnant and gave up hairdressing.

We now have someone in the family who is qualified, so its not a problem for me, but maybe in your own home, you will feel more relaxed. (I found my one to be cheaper than the salon as well).

I'm disappointed this isn't a thread about a hairdresser embarrassing themselves!

But as long as you're clean and polite (are you clean and polite?) then any hairdresser would be glad of your custom. Your weight and teeth are neither here nor there. Sorry to hear you've been unwell.

Honestly? If you pick a hairdresser who tends to have elderly clients they will be much more patient and understanding. Whether they work in a salon or mobile. And they'll still have the skills to do as you require.

That's what I do. My health also means it can be years between cuts so the last thing I need is some snotty young fashionista type giving it "well whoooooo on earth cut this??" Instead my hairdresser still remembers my name and dds even a year or more later, chats away as if I were there last week. No judgment, no stupid comments, not scissor happy (one of my anxieties) so trims a little at a time and then asks if that's enough or do I want more off? Doesn't insist on extra treatments or a big pouffy blow dry (though clients that do like this get it)

Hairdressers that cater to this demographic are also well used to either the client or clients advocate giving them a "heads up" on potential issues and are flexible even experienced in dealing with eg back and neck pain or anxious clients.

If you think you're unable to source such a hairdresser via normal contacts, if anyone you know works at or has connections to local residential care for the elderly try and find out who they use, sometimes hospital elderly care wards use hairdressers too - it can give patients a boost. The patients still pay.

Personally I've found these hairdressers are also more reasonably priced, though must admit I give a good tip as I feel she's worth her weight in gold!

I wouldn't go for the first time to a top-end expensive place. Look at people whose hair you like. Ask them where they go. If it's a mid-range, small independant you may be more comfortable. You can have a consultation first and if you don't like their suggestions don't book.

But they'll have seen much 'worse' and you'll feel so much better after a professional cut. Please don't worry.

Also hairdressers who have older clients are very used to dealing with fine even thinning hair. I have a receding hairline issue which I find embarrassing and she's great at cutting to disguise that - miracle worker!

@Becca19962014 I remember your thread and I'm so glad you found a kind person to help you

I remember you too @Becca19962014, my heart went out to you so much, I’m thrilled to bits you found someone lovely and had a positive experience

OP, some really good advice on here. You might feel more comfy with someone coming out to you at home. Having your hair done can feel so intimidating and yet can also be such a lovely thing, I really hope you find the right person to put you at ease and make you feel good about yourself

My mum worked in a hair dresses for 20+ years. The only time there was ever gossip about a client would be if they were really smelly so turn up clean and they won’t give you a second thought. Hopefully it will give you a confidence boost and make you feel more worthwhile

Hasn't this question been asked before by a OP with the same problems?

you probably wont want to do that on here but could you give an area location so some helpful mn might no of a really nice one?
also my friend suffers with self worth and anxiety and spoek to them them on the phone.and said exactly how scared she was to come and the woman was so lovely.she was then really kkind when she went in and so gentle.and whilst it might seem embarrassing to disclose your fears it actually might help in this situation because they wont think anything of how you act when you come in as people can get different ideas of people when they have anxiety unknown to them of what is going on.so if they new they could be really aware.
I think hairdresser are really good at this mostly though.
look online for reviews maybe before hand.
think how good youll feel when you have it done.it could make you feel so much better about things with a little voom of self confidence.you deserve this.your more than your teeth and weight.you might be witty or bright and have some lovely bits bout you that you can show to those around you.hood your head up and show these thigns to the hairdresser and im sure they'll think your lovely.
its their job.let them help you.
I no its scary.but the more you sit with this not doing it the more what ifs and scary stories youll manage to think up and it will build until the more you don't go the more you cant.
you can do it.
I want to hear you come bacl on here telling us all about ur lovely new doo.

Yes nicebitofquiche. If you rtft she’s already posted on here.

nicebitofquiche yes it has. By me months ago!

My thread is here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/3157988-Severely-matted-hair there maybe some helpful suggestions on it lem

Last time I had my hair cut it was down to my bum, this had grown out from a 1930s style short curly bob.

It was frizzy, with grey and greasy roots and horrible brassy ends, not from bleach but faded dye, all the colour had washed out and left a weird ugly orange colour.

I'm also a good three stone overweight and have dreadful teeth (from a period of poor mental health when I just couldn't do self care and was pretty much a swamp monster)

Once the lovely (and very slim blonde and beautiful hairdresser) had finished with me I looked and felt completely different. And she was just as pleased with her handywork as I was.

For her it was something a bit more challenging less run of the mill, but it let her be a bit more creative than just the standard root touch up and trim.

She also wasn't judgemental at all and was very reassuring saying she had seen far worse (doubtful unless she had dealt with literally crawling and matted hair, because mine was on the way to matted at the back)

It was a little nerve wracking at first but the difference was incredible. That was in June, I'm go back to her in three weeks because I'd like to keep my hair presentable enough to wear down (which it most definitely wasn't)

i was going to suggest Supercuts - they vary from branch to branch, but I love that I can just go when I feel like getting my hair cut (not very often) and not have to book an appointment weeks and weeks in advance. They aren't expensive and if you don't like it, you never have to go back there again

There are lots of videos online about cutting your own hair (some better than others) but it sounds as if you would be best getting it sorted out professionally first, even if your maintenance cuts are DIY

Hi OP,
I'm a hairdresser and I just wanted to say that any decent hairdresser will definitely NOT judge you or make you feel awful about yourself. We are here to make you feel wonderful and to boost your confidence. I agree with some of the other comments suggesting a mobile hairdresser because your hair can be done in your own home or somewhere you're most comfortable. Ask for recommendations in your local area and message them all but explain how you feel - be totally honest with them. You can build the trust and a friendship that way also ask to see pictures of their work they've done previously, even better if they can show you cut and styles they've done like what you're after or thinking of.
Once you find your perfect hairdresser you will feel so much better after that first appointment that you will wonder why you even worried in the first place.
I'm in the south east (Kent) if you're in this area maybe I can come out and help you?

This is similar to me, I haven't been in a few years, no way I can until I lose weight and sort my hair out. I can't reach up to brush, I have to lie down and struggle to grip the brush so it's always a tangle. But I doubt I'd find a place with seats that could take me and someone who would understand I struggle to get down to a seat and up. If I could use scissors I think I'd snip the lot off!

Hi OP, just wanted to say I go to a really friendly village salon, after having a bad experience a few years ago. I walked past it a few times before plucking up the courage to ring. The lady I spoke to was lovely and I knew from that conversation that I trusted her not to laugh at me or talk about me behind my back afterwards. I went to a different area to where I live so I wouldn't see anyone I knew, just in case something happened that I was embarrassed about, but it was all fine. Listening to the conversations around me, it's all about holidays, tv shows - nothing personal and certainly never discussing other clients. Good luck.

Honestly I get what you mean. I had really bad hair at one point, long and thick to the point I had stopped brushing and just tied it up, it got so knotty that I couldn’t get a brush through it. I would stand in the kitchen where there are no carpets and brush with my head down crying because I couldn’t get the knots out. It had dye growing out and looked a mess. I built up the courage to to a hairdressers and was so embarrassed. She couldn’t even get the brush through it. Decided to chop off what couldn’t be brushed and the relief after was amazing. I think she enjoyed the challenge as she kept saying how amazing the difference is and how it looks so much better. She’s great though and now I only use her and go regularly, she knows I have anxiety and is fine if I don’t talk much. She has even given me the confidence to go for a shorter look and even when I ended up not liking it she was supportive about it and reasurred it would grow out. I actually like going now and think you just need to find the right one. I feel much better now my hair is sorted and honestly it was worth the anxiety going the first time.

I second a mobile hairdresser. I didn't go to a hairdresser for about 3 years after having a horrendous panic attack out of the blue while sitting in a busy, a trendy salon with my hair in foils so couldn't just up and leave. There was no way I was going to feel that discomfort again so I stopped getting my hair done until DD suggested a mobile hairdresser.

It's so difficult with anxiety and your concern with your weight and teeth shows this is an 'I'm not worth it, I'm lesser than others' self esteem thing. Well murderers and child abusers would allow themselves to be pampered without a second thought and would thoroughly believe they deserved it. This way of thinking helps me when I start thinking 'it's pointless' etc. It's not pointless if it helps you feel a bit brighter .