To not let DD(11) go to this party?

[upsideup]

DD is 11 and in Y7, the only people she knew when starting secondary were 3 Y8 girls who she does dance with. Lunch time and out of school she's been hanging out with them and their friends which I don't mind, there is only a few months between them and I understand how they can get on but she hasn't made any attempt to make any friends with anyone in her own year.

She's gone to two of these Y8's birthday party's which were both during the day and has gone shopping with them at the weekends and to sleepovers a few times which have been all been fine, they are all lovely.

There's a Halloween party next weekend at a Y9's house which is 7-12, mostly year 9 going but some Y8's and some Y10's as well. DD has been invited with her Y8 friends who I think are all being allowed to go, we've told dd we don't think she's going to be allowed. Y8's have said they'll stay with her the whole night, my friends Y10 son has said maybe he'll go and that he will look after her too, he is also lovely and I trust that he actually would look after her and make sure she's okay but I know what kind of parties he goes to.

9 year old ds is having a party at our house the same night and she isn't happy about going to this instead when all her friends are going, there has been a lot of tears which is definitely not like her. She is sensible and she's never given me any reason to not trust her to make the right decisions but I still feel uncomfortable letting her go with kids so much older.

AIBU to not let her go?

[Dancergirl]

Wow, amazed at some of these responses.

I have an 11 year old dd in Year 7 and there is no way I would allow her to go to a party like this. And I'm a fairly lax parent!

There is a huge difference between a Year 7 party and a proper teenage party like this. 11 year olds only left primary school a few months ago, they are still very young.

Even if these older kids say they will keep any eye on her, and have every intention of doing so, they could well get distracted or enjoying the party too much themselves to worry about the OP's dd.

I wouldn't want my 11 year old out till 11.30pm, it's just too much too young.

[Skyejuly]

I wouldnt let my 12yr old go x

[drinkygin]

I’m quite laid back back but no way in a million years would my 11 year old go to this party! I’m gobsmacked that you’re even considering it to be honest. She’s literally just finished primary school. She might be upset but she’ll get over it. You would be hugely irresponsible to allow her to go.
To the poster who said they will likely be eating silly foods and scaring each other in year ten (age 15?) you are being ridiculously naive.

[BigSandyBalls2015]

I wouldn't be happy letting her go, too young. But I have to say that not all teen parties are alcohol and drug fuelled orgies

[ContessaGoesAMarching]

I wouldn't be happy. I was allowed to tag along to a similar gathering of bigger kids when I was 9 (they were 12) and I saw all sorts that really confused me and made me very uncomfortable, so I can only imagine what might go on in this case!

[Jux]

The others at school know how old she is. There will be at least one - probably a boy but not necessarily - who will think it would be a laugh to get her drinking. With no parents around for hours then fun can easily go from drinking to pretty well anything. And everything. And there will be photos.

You sound like your belief that your dd looks older will be protection for her, it won't.

[Vampiratequeen]

I would let her go but ask her to leave at 10/10.30, compromise.

[Whatamuddleduck]

I would say don’t let her go. My parents did let me go to similar things from that age and I really wish they hadn’t.
The teens there will be experimenting as teens do. She is not at the same life stage.
Say no, there is plenty of time to party later.