More WWYD - if your teen DD had gained a lot of weight

[mistybridge]

Tricky I know but how would you deal with it? 5’3 and about 11 stone.

Gym membership for Christmas?
As an overweight person I wish a loved one had brought it out into the open!!

How old is she? I'd try to focus on healthy eating and try to find out if anything is upsetting her?

Depends. 13-year-old or 19-year-old?

How old are they?
Eat less, move more is the obvious thing to do. Do they like any sports? Swimming? Walking?
Do you cook fresh meals?

How old is she?

I was 11 stone for much of my 20s but I was 5ft 8, so it does sound a bit much. Could you look at the food you have in the house? Are there crisps and biscuits around that you could stop getting? Reduce carbs and increase proteins? Maybe keep it subtle at this point, although if she is only 13 then it really does sound like it might be helpful for her to nip in the bud.

Pregnant?

How old is the teen?

I'd have a frank talk about how aware are they of their weight & do they want to change it. Directness & tone appropriate to age, mental fragility, maturity, other crap on their plate, etc.

No I wouldn't address it with her. I had so much she about my weight and secret eating - school was tough and that made me eat. My mum knew but didn't say anything. Thank God she didn't, it would have been another person to judge me. But at 16 I joined a gym and started losing weight.

Perhaps you need to reevaluate the food you are buying for the house. You need to start having discussions with her about health and fitness. Don't just ignore this and hope it will magically resolve itself.

Dieting causes weight gain, so I'd stay clear of that. Is it down to emotional eating? Then see how you can support her emotionally. Of its down to eating highly calorie dense foods, make better food choices as a family but don't link it to her weight. Do active things as a family. Focus on health over weight, overweight people can be fit and healthy, and lean muscle mass mitigates the negative effects of obesity. I.e., make her strong not skinny.

I was overweight at this age, 5ft 3 inches and 11 stone. My mum made a couple comments but didn't do it sensitively and now I've had an eating disorder for 10 years! All I can suggest is try and encourage the entire family to be healthy (not unnecessarily saying weight loss is the intention) so she's not singled out and shamed.

How old?

16 - year 11.

Depends. 13-year-old or 19-year-old?

It is overweight massively for either. I was slightly overweight and teased at school for it, my mum never said anything and always gave me massive portions of food which as it was what I had eaten all my life I didn't realise it was too much until I was an adult.

Luckily I lost weight when I lived on my own and I know eat much smaller portions of food.

Now eat smaller portions of food!

If you google this OP you will see that all eating disorder charities, mental health charities and maybe even people with a bit of common sense and compassion will say DO NOT RAISE THIS WITH YOUR TEENAGER - just offer healthy food as much as possible.

I don’t think it’s ‘massively’ overweight. Has she brought it up? She probably is well aware of it.
Can you do healthy eating thing as a family? It’s difficult as they can but their own food at that age anyway.

What about taking up some activity with her yourself - say it will give you time together?

Yeah is also think maybe she's pregnant?

Your dd doesn't sound clinically obese so it is not a medically dangerous situation for her, and if she is happy as she is I would not say anything to her, you risk a very adverse reaction and eating disorders if you do. Consider going healthy as a family and doing weekend sports together, this will help.

DO NOT buy her a gym membership, yes she will get the hint and will be very hurt I would imagine. Passive aggressive behaviour always ends badly.

I would try and find an activity she enjoys.

It’s hard at that age because they make their own choices on what they eat whilst not eating at home. My daughter often chooses to eat pizza at school and fish and chips when she visits her dad. I try and get both my teens out at the weekend for a walk but it’s not always easy as they often lack motivation. I think all you can do is provide healthy food at home or smaller portions.

Bit horrified by some of these comments. It's hardly massively overweight. For an adult (and she may be adult shaped/sized) this is a BMI of 27. Hardly elephant sized.
A loss of half a stone to a stone will give her a normal BMI
No wonder our young girl are under such pressure with such a huge increase in eating disorders

OP Sorry I didn't mean to sound horrible (which it sounds like I am saying that is massively overweight), but I am 5' 3" and 9 stone and that is slightly bigger than I would like to be. At 18 I was 8 stone and just the right weight for 5' 3" and I am medium not small build.

11 stone for 5'3 is overweight. I was once 10 stone and this weight and felt very soft and uncomfortable so lost weight easily following Slimming World. It's actually quite easy to do and you could cook her meals in line with this?
Don't give money for lunches out etc or snacks.

I think exercise doesn't help much, it's about food 80% and exercise 20%