More WWYD - if your teen DD had gained a lot of weight

[mistybridge]

Tricky I know but how would you deal with it? 5’3 and about 11 stone.

[Shitlandpony]

Lots of people projecting their own issues here. It is not very overweight, as another poster said, a half stone loss will bring her back to the normal range.

[memorial]

Tinty that's puts your BMI under 20 and right at the lower end of the "normal range". Don't project your expectations and insecurities on other young girls

[Tricycletops]

You’ll get loads of advice saying ignore it, not that overweight, fat shaming etc etc. However - I was an overweight teenager. I wish somebody had brought it up when I was still only slightly overweight (as your daughter is) and helped me to change my habits. If they had I probably wouldn’t have been a size 22 by the time I started university. Much easier for her to lose a stone now than 3/4/5 stone in ten years.

[yikesanotherbooboo]

I agree with DON'T RAISE IT. She knows whether or not she has s comfortable with her weight. Think about what you are offering for meals and portions by all means... that's good for everyone but don't let her feel judged if you can help it. Teenagers can lose weight very easily if they want so it is simply reversed. It suppose modelling good eating habits and being active is good for us all but be very careful with your DD. She is likely to be hypersensitive to being criticised however subtle you are. !!

[Aprilislonggone]

As her dm it is down to you to mention it imo.
Chat /support /kick up the arse /
Surely it's neglect to ignore it?

[OutPinked]

My DM was always very open with my dbro and I if she thought we were gaining too much weight. She was never mean about it but she encouraged us to eat healthy meals and would send us to school with something healthy, cook a healthy evening meal and ensure the house wasn’t filled with tempting junk. It worked for me personally but I was never an overweight teenager per se.

[Nousernameforme]

Is it stress related do you think?
I wouldn't make it personal. I would put the whole family on a healthier eating plan. So meals come with half a plate of veggies as standard. Get in healthier snacks so popcorn instead of crisps alpen light bars instead of regular snack bars. Always have fruit in. If the dc just help themselves put a stop to that.
You can't do much if she is earning her own money and buying junk for herself though

[pictish]

A ‘lot’ of weight. I thought you might be referring to rather more than a few lbs over the ideal. What would I do? Give her a brief but pleasant heads up, ask if there’s anything I can do to help...then stfu about it.

[bringbackthestripes]

It would actually take a stone weight loss for her to be in the top end of normal bmi not half a stone if she was 10 stone her bmi would be 24.8

Op who cooks the family meals and what is her diet like in terms of healthy eating & portion sizes? Do you know what she eats at school? Does she snack often?
Could she help with cooking so that she learns how to make tasty low calorie meals?

[MrsJBaptiste]

I think you should say something. My parents always made comments about weight, outfits, friend choices, etc. as we were growing up and although I'd always tell them I didn't care what they thought, my mum and dad were the people I did care about.

Say it a nice way (she must know she's put weight on) but don't just ignore it or be passive aggressive although well meaning!

[Shitlandpony]

Not necessarily and it’s splitting hairs as op said height and weight were about 11 stone and height 5’3.

[cingolimama]

I agree with Tricycle - I was an overweight teenager too, and it was awful. I'm not convinced it's a good idea to ignore this. Personally, I know I would have appreciated someone guiding me.

[Chalkhillblu3]

You need to be a role model for her. Get cooking together, make lovely packed lunches (not a soggy sandwich), so she can save her money for something nice. Go out for walks or bike rides as a family. Make sure there is always a healthy snack for her when she comes in from school, to tide her over until dinner. There are tons of resources online about meal prepping. Try to open up her tastes by trying one new healthy food a week together. Even if it's horrible you can laugh about it.

[reallyanotherone]

You will get the people who will post with a head tilt about how they’re 5’6 and would feel wobbly/soft/huge at 7 st.

People have a massive weight range at various heights. 5’3 is something like 7.5-10 st i think to be in the normal weight category.

I was made to feel huge and massive as a teen and it’s never left me.

[Lougle]

What sort of build is she though? I'm 5'8", with a slim frame and no boobs, so 11 stone on me would look relatively fat, because although I'm tall, it would all be flab - it would go to my bum and waist, not my boobs, etc. Does she naturally have quite big bones, frame and boobs to start with?

[SushiMonster]

I don't think it is a good idea to ignore it.

People generally get fatter not thinner with every year.

Good time to address it in a non-judgmental way and build up good habits about healthy eating, portion control, stopping when you're full, getting enough fresh air and exercise.

Does she play sport?

Most people do need to exercise some self control in order to not put on weight. It is so much easier to consume calories than it is to use them, food and drink are everywhere. I don't like the idea you can't think "better not have that slice of cake because I had two biscuits this morning" because you'll spiral into an eating disorder.

[AcrossthePond55]

My first thought depending on how the weight was distributed would be to wonder if she was pregnant.

As far as mentioning to her, you would know best. My mum was able to speak to me about it when she'd notice I'd put on a few. My aunt was NOT able to speak to my cousin without upsetting her. It's all about the relationship you have with your child. My aunt was always the critical type and it reflected in her relationship with my cousin. My mum was always very nonjudgmental and so I never saw her comments to me as 'put downs', but statements of concern.

If you absolutely can't speak to her without upsetting her, just be sure you purge the house of crap and stock with low calorie, healthy foods. Be sure you aren't cooking massive amounts of the heavier calorie foods in your meals, but rather quantities that won't result in huge portions or second and thirds of anything other than veggies or lower calorie choices. That being said, you can't control the foods she eats away from home.

[JohnMcCainsDeathStare]

She is the same weight as me but I am an adult woman who does weight training. 11 st is overweight - I was 7st at her age.

Yes to purging the house of empty calories and sweet drinks - if you want soda swap with fizzy water. How much money does she have - could she be eating in secret? It is critical to tackle the core to overeating as well as the practicalities.

[helpmum2003]

We had concerns about 15yo daughter this year and discussed early on when we saw what was happening. So broke the rules I suppose. It was comfort eating and the source was out of our control.

We're pretty healthy at home generally (cook from scratch) and I did try to get rid of the small amount of junk we had in. DH supportive, siblings didn't know which was a bit awkward at times when they wanted a treat. I agree getting them to cook healthy food is good.

I hope I don't regret saying this but being open about it seems to have been positive so far and weight reducing slowly.

We didn't emphasise weight so much as 'healthy eating and lifestyle' being important. She knows that within reason we will support her with (more expensive) healthy snacks etc.

Good luck it's very hard but I think they need explicit support to get on top of it. We know how adults struggle to lose weight - must be very hard for a teen without support.

[Exochorda]

She knows.

I disagree with those who say don't mention it. You just have to do it carefully.
Are you overweight as well OP? Just that it' might be harder to tackle if you are.


I do have experience of this. One of my DC became overweight. Just slightly but enough to carry a bit of fat round the middle. We are a very slim family so it was a surprise to me. After a couple of years of saying nothing but encouraging healthy eating and exercise nothing had changed but he was clearly very bothered by it.
It was a difficult conversation but one I wish I'd had earlier. He was so relieved to have it acknowledged and out in the open. We tackled it together and he is now a slim if not skinny adult with a healthy diet.

[Exochorda]

Oh and just to add, all the exercise in the world made zero difference to his weight, it was only when he tackled his diet that there was a change.

[mumsiedarlingrevolta]

Wonder if its worth a trip to GP?
PCOS can cause weight gain?

[lastnamefirstfirstnamelast]

my DSD is 16, 5'3 and 11 stone so i know what you mean regarding this and we have found shes gained more since she has had ther saturday job as she spends her money on eating out with friends (mdonalds, sweets etc.she lives with her mum so we cant have to much of a say of what she eats but DP has mentioned if she wants to live with us she will have to get to used to eating what we eat - mainly meat and veg, only take outs 2x a month if that )

I think its very likely to be diet. limit sweet treats in the house, cut down on starchy white food where possible and encourage lots of lovely autumn/winter walks xx

[anniehm]

Carefully! Serve a healthy balanced diet at home and set good examples, avoid having binge foods in the house. Suggest exercise together, something fun. Don't reward with food - find other ways.

This is what I do for myself. I used to reward/compensate with food, never good.