More WWYD - if your teen DD had gained a lot of weight

[mistybridge]

Tricky I know but how would you deal with it? 5’3 and about 11 stone.

agnes at 16 many girls are adult sized so if 11 stone is ok for a woman, it's ok for a 16 yr old depending on her build. Obviously OP is concerned about her weight gain, that is the issue, not an arbitrary weight.

Also are you one of those families you see on the countless TV shows about eating well/shopping well, that have massive 'treat' drawers or cupboards? are you all a bit overweight? Temptation must be huge for the kids in those houses!

Anyway, op could just have easily over estimated and her dd could be 5’4 and 10.11 stone

That is still overweight though. I'm 5' 8" and when I was 11 stone, I was definitely on the larger side. At 5' 3", 11 stone is heavy.

Things I would consider - your daughter is 16 and in year 11 (which can be stressful - exams, friendships, boyfriends). If there are other signs of PCOS then take her to the GP. She will be making food choices outside home - trips to Costa maybe? All of this could impact on her eating and weight. If you are going to talk to her (I think you should) - keep it practical and come up with a plan. Focus on food because that will make the biggest difference.

I put about a stone on when PE stopped in yr 11 and then in the 6th form when we could leave school in free sessions. we'd go to the chippy or newsagent. It was a shock that I couldn't eat what I wanted anymore without burning it off.

This was me. I was tiny until I got to 15 and my Mum became really ill and was hospitalised for a year. My Dad worked nights but would cook an evening meal.

With no supervision, we would go down to the shops and buy 2l tubs of ice cream and sharing sized packs of Malteasers and the like, every evening - and eat the entire lot. I got a part time job in a takeaway, which just added to the problem.

My sister and I both ballooned. I went from under 8 stone to nearly 11 in little over a year. I was so miserable. It took me till me mid thirties to get back to a healthy weight; I'm now 9 stone - still only 5' 3" though!

I know lots of PPs are saying NOT to address it with your daughter OP, but I WISH I had had my Mum to speak to about what was happening. And to help me. She was in no fit state to do anything and has carried the guilt of 'abandoning' her girls to years of being miserable about their bodies.

I have 11 and 9 year old DDs, and if one of them started to put on a lot of weight, I would absolutely address it with them - I wouldn't want them to go through years of being miserable about their size - it simply dominates EVERYTHING when you're big (and I was 19 stone at my heaviest).

Good luck OP, I hope you can find out if there is something underlying and help your DD.

Slimming world is great for younger members op.

Ds is in year 11 and is 15 and has been on the plan since February this year and has lost 5st 1lb.

He had a lot of weight to lose but was so determined to do it.
He goes to the gym 3/4 times a week but this has dwindled lately due to the sheer amount of homework and revision he has for his mocks.

A couple of his friends ( girls and boys ) are also following SW and they support eachother. I thought he would hate going to the class ( he has AS and isn't the best socially ) but he loves it and has learnt so much.

I took the lead from him regarding SW as I had mentioned us doing it a few times but he was the one who said "let's go" and this has been important. I encourage the life out of him, am his biggest cheeeleader etc and tell him if he's not eating enough. He was shocked at the amount of free foods he can eat if he's hungry and often says now that he was either eating through boredom or comfort eating.

Good luck

Of course you should address it with her. Some people really over react on this forum, just talking about weight doesn't automatically lead to an eating disorder.
To the people saying a BMI of 26 is only slightly overweight, most people should really aim for the middle of their BMI range (21-22), especially shorter people, and those of Asian ethnicity.

And well done to those posters who have helped their children lose weight.

Before pregnancy I was 11st 2lbs and I'm 5'3. I'm curvy and muscular but not fat - BMI is notoriously unreliable. The first should be on being healthy: eating well, drinking plenty of water and being active regularly. The focus should not be on an arbitrary number on a scale.

Focus not first!

It's a minefield. My mum bringing it up made me eat more secretly!

Definitely don’t raise it. Two of my DDs are anorexic and it has nearly torn our family apart. The whole family have been suffering about 5 years now. Both these DDs were overweight teens who were bullied at school. My advice would be for you to prepare healthy meals for the whole family and don’t buy too many unhealthy snacks. Keep a very careful eye on her if she starts dieting.

I disagree with not raising it. I was an overweight teen - actually roughly the same weight / height as your dd in fact. My mum was very open with me about weight - it helped that she was overweight too and she took the approach of "let's tackle this together". We went on lots of walks together, she stopped buying snacks/junk food and cooked lots of delicious homemade meals that were healthy and full of veg. She never told me not to eat stuff or restricted choice but she would always say "yes you can have a chocolate but maybe some exercise this afternoon then?" or "OK you can have seconds if you're hungry but are you sure you are? You've eaten x,y and z today which should be enough". Just ways to prompt me not to eat mindlessly. I lost lots of weight and ended at 8 stone where I stayed for most of my life until now where I'm 11 stone again after having a baby. Anyway, my point is, I found honest and open communication so helpful. Also she was very careful never to use words like "greedy", "lazy", "fat", "ugly" - she would always sympathise and agree that chocolates and ice cream are delicious and it would be lovely to eat them everyday but we must look after our bodies and nourish them with good food too! She'd also agree that it's hard to motivate yourself to exercise so she always looked for activities I would enjoy - as I say, walking to school / town as part of our normal routine and then bike rides / aerobics to pop music / yoga and pilates / Zumba when I was a bit older and it was just becoming a "thing". It did take a while to shift the weight because I didn't crash diet or do something faddy (and no weight doesn't "fall off easily" when you're overweight as pp have said - that's usually why you're carrying the extra pounds in the first place!) but I did it in a sustainable and manageable way.

I put on a stone or two at that age. It was around the time i went from being able to eat anything and everything and not put on any weight to having to be more careful with what i ate. I remember this being the case for a lot of my friends too