To decline invite to wedding so close to Christmas?

[swansandducks]

I've been invited to a cousin's wedding two days before Christmas. I regretted the invite because, frankly, it's such a busy time and I can do without the pressure of having to travel to a wedding as well (2 and a half hours each way, not allowing for extra Christmas traffic, or stay over night)

She's apparently really upset because a lot of her guests have declined the invitation.

Part of me feels guilty but part of me feels that if you plan your wedding that close to Christmas you have to realise that a lot of people won't want or be able to go. AIBU?

AIBU to

Sorry, meant to say 3 days before Christmas. It's on the Saturday not the Sunday.

The reality is any Christmas wedding people are busy.

She surely had to expect this?

I would only do it if I was going to be hosted at Christmas and didn't have to do any prep. Even then I would find it a PITA.

YANBU to not go.

Can't say I blame you. If it was on your doorstep then you might have felt able to pop along but 2.5 hours driving each way (even without Christmas traffic) the day before Christmas Eve? That's just daft planning. Besides, you probably have elderly parents to entertain

Also the traffic will be pretty awful and the weather might not be great

We were married on Xmas Eve. We invited close family and friends and put everybody up who wanted to stay for the whole week - they arrived Xmas Eve or the day before and went home on New Year's Day. It was the best Xmas ever and everyone loved it. You can't have a Xmas wedding and not make it easy for your guests, and you have to expect that it won't work for everyone.

Your cousin is NBU to schedule her wedding for the day she wants, but she is BU to be upset when people can't attend.

I had my wedding very near Christmas and hardly anyone came.

In hindsight it's my own fault.

How far ahead did they book it? Did they check with relatives whether a Xmas wedding was ok before going ahead? If they’ve just sprung this on you then I think it’s pretty unreasonable. Most women, and especially mothers, are run off their feet three days before Xmas with all the prep, and certainly can’t spare a whole day for a wedding.
I think you should plead a prior engagement.
Perhaps you’ve already booked to take the kids to Lapland. Or are far too busy knitting Santa costumes for the guinea pigs....
You’ll think of something.

Of course YANBU, it's one of the busiest times for travel, accommodation can be a problem, and people are also busy prepping for Xmas in many cases.

Personally I wouldn't go, but saying that I wouldn't go even if it wasn't at Christmas as I hate social events especially ones away from home.

Depends how close you are to your cousin & how badly you really want to be there.

If you can make it work then go but if it's going to cause you lots of stress (which it sounds like it will) then decline. As PP have said, booking your wedding at Christmas you would expect not everyone can make it.

YANBU. That's exactly the reason I've planned my DS' party 1 month early. His 1st birthday is 22/12 and he is having his party on 24/11 and the 3 of us will do a family day out somewhere on his birthday, not Christmas (zoo etc). I knew that it would be hard to get people to come so close to Christmas. It's such a busy weekend. It's a shame for her, but she must have thought this might happen.

I always think that people that have weddings that close to Christmas/weekdays/abroad don't want many people there and that's why they do it.

It wouldn't have been so bad if it was in the lull between xmas and new year.

I think it would be lovely to go to a wedding just before Christmas. Very festive. I have a very unMN attitude to wedding though...

I agree that surely she should have expected this to happen. Other people's lives don't revolve around your wedding and people seem to forget this.

I would go to a wedding that close to Christmas if it was local, but if it was an overnight stay quite unlikely.

YANBU. I would just send her a gift and be done with it. Too much travel and wouldn't want to stay overnight.

TheFallenMadonna, i agree with you. Christmas weddings are gorgeous! I would love to go. Op, tell the soon to be bride that you can't go but you know someone on Mumsnet who will take your place :-).

It will be a lovely wedding and I am sorry to say but it is your loss really op. Christmas party and wedding rolled in one Saturday before christmas sounds great. Yes there will be some traffic, the case with any day but you could be organised in advance and make the most of the whole weekend.

It might be nice and festive. I would go. You have enough notice and can plan ahead for Christmas. It’s not like it’s Christmas Eve.

YANBU
I wouldn't fancy it either

Yanbu op. Shes not being unreasonable to have the date, but U to dare to be upset.

I would go if I'd had loads of notice, so could make sure I had everything bought, wrapped, prepped etc, would be nice to see everyone especially at that time of year, stay overnight, and back by lunch time on the 23rd , so still plenty time to get last minute jobs done, although I love weddings

I don't blame you. Has she only just invited you? It's late for a wedding invite, lots of people will have made plans already.