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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To decline invite to wedding so close to Christmas?

94 replies

swansandducks · 19/10/2018 14:14

I've been invited to a cousin's wedding two days before Christmas. I regretted the invite because, frankly, it's such a busy time and I can do without the pressure of having to travel to a wedding as well (2 and a half hours each way, not allowing for extra Christmas traffic, or stay over night)

She's apparently really upset because a lot of her guests have declined the invitation.

Part of me feels guilty but part of me feels that if you plan your wedding that close to Christmas you have to realise that a lot of people won't want or be able to go. AIBU?

AIBU to

OP posts:
SerenDippitty · 19/10/2018 15:02

A few years back we were invited to a wedding which fell on the weekend before Christmas (I.e Christmas was the following weekend). To be fair we’d had plenty of notice - save the date cards were sent the previous Christmas. It was in a country house over a whole weekend festivities beginning on the Friday night. We were able to stay at the house which was beautifully decorated and looked wonderful. We had a great time. I would go OP.

spanishwife · 19/10/2018 15:04

It sounds lovely! The only person making Christmas a 'busy time' is YOU. You don't have to do ANYTHING in the few days before Christmas, but you are deciding to.It's a saturday so no annual leave required. If you don't want to make it a priority, that's your call, but don't blame her.

OnceUponATimeInAmerica · 19/10/2018 15:05

I'd love it. Winter weddings are wonderful!

I am completely bah humbug about how overblown Christmas is these days. So many OTT mountains of gifts, special bedding and sleepwear, Christmas Eve boxes, elves on shelves, decorations that would make Donald Trump weep with joy at the bling going up in November, 95 course meals 5 times a day, pretending the shops are shut for weeks on end when it's only one day. I 'peak Christmased' reading a thread on here about making the whole of advent special. Pare back the excess and do the important thing, which is time with family, like a cousin's wedding.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/10/2018 15:09

I'm not surprised she's upset, who wouldn't be - but it really is to be expected that people will decline when there are only 2 days to go after the wedding before Christmas!!
Not everyone is able to (or wants to!!) be fully organised for Christmas with 3 days to go, so her wedding is right in the middle of "busy" time for most people. And the last weekend before Christmas is valuable shopping time for some!

I agree it can be done, but most people will consider that it just can't, it's too difficult, and decline. Plus the demons of bad weather and busy roads/travel as well - urgh!

SoyDora · 19/10/2018 15:09

Ah it sounds lovely, I think a Christmas wedding would be great. We once went out for a very very posh lunch 2 days before Christmas and there was a wedding at the hotel, it looked absolutely beautiful (and well attended).

AlexaAmbidextra · 19/10/2018 15:11

SerenDippitty
The bride and grooms initials weren’t C and H and the wedding in East Anglia by any chance?

Lweji · 19/10/2018 15:12

The only person making Christmas a 'busy time' is YOU. You don't have to do ANYTHING in the few days before Christmas, but you are deciding to.It'saturday so no annual leave required. If you don't want to make it a priority, that's your call, but don't blame her.

Pretty much sums it up.

BusterTheBulldog · 19/10/2018 15:12

We had ours a few days before Christmas and no one at all declined. Sent our save the dates the previous Christmas though so plenty of notice!

craftymum01 · 19/10/2018 15:13

I got married three days before Christmas. Told people in advance and the invites went out in August. 90% of people came. I would have been upset if lots of people had declined but I think that is a natural reaction as you want your friends and family there. I appreciate though that some people have lots to do around Christmas.

motherofdogscatschickens · 19/10/2018 15:16

We got married at Christmas time. It was lovely, and actually made Christmas quite special as we get to see all the friends and family together that we normally wouldn't.those that came said the same.
It did require people to be organised themselves and not need to panic buy Xmas presents on the sat before. But we sorted out hotels and made sure people had travel sorted as we live far from family.

I understand those that chose not to come, despite 9months notice. What I was more annoyed about was the last minute cancellations, having already paid for their food. Or those that said they couldn't come as it was just before Christmas yet managed to go out with their mates or work anyway.

Chocolatecake12 · 19/10/2018 15:16

If it’s your close cousin then I think yabu not to go but if it’s a distant cousin then yanbu.
I guess she’ll find out who her true friends are and the family that matters will make the effort.

YearOfYouRemember · 19/10/2018 15:18

YANBU

We've had relatives unhappy that we've not gone to their/their relatives weddings due to abroad, school time, no kids invited. Sorry but you've made it impossible/difficult/too expensive.

greendale17 · 19/10/2018 15:18

I wouldn’t go either OP. Better things to do that close to Christmas than travel 2.5hrs to someone’s wedding

MinecraftHolmes · 19/10/2018 15:20

YANBU. I'd only go to a wedding that close to Christmas if it was local, and even then I might not if it's the weekend before and Christmas is on the Monday or Tuesday, because the schools will have only just broken off and that's the only useful weekend to shop.

Satsumaeater · 19/10/2018 15:20

I think if a person is important to you, you will put their wedding above one Christmas in the priority list - there will be other Christmases - hopefully they will only have one wedding.

However, I wouldn't choose to marry in December due to lack of light, possible bad weather and COLD!

Honeyroar · 19/10/2018 15:21

I'd go. People make such a fuss over Xmas. It's a day, a meal and a few presents. Why are people incapable of getting organised?? I frequently am away for a week and get back Xmas eve, I still manage Xmas and I'm quite disorganised!

MinecraftHolmes · 19/10/2018 15:23

Also - as a shift worker:

It'saturdayno annual leave required.

Check yo' privilege. When I worked in retail Saturdays from mid-November were mandatory, and there was a holiday ban until the end of January. The people who facilitate the stuff you do on your weekends can't just magic the time off at busy periods.

overagain · 19/10/2018 15:24

If you organise a Christmas wedding you have to expect some people will be busy. Our wedding was 2 weeks before Christmas, we didn't expect everyone to come but were prepared for that (we had it at Christmas as wanted one relative there would not have been able to come post Christmas).

Your cousin shouldn't be surprised.

pamplemoussed · 19/10/2018 15:26

I once attended a Christmas wedding - it was really lovely and I have to say, so memorable compared the the 26 summer marquee weddings I have attended since. But it was before I was married, and very close to my parents home , so suited me at the time. Now with kids of my own and hosting responsibilities I would probably be less keen to be away from home and on the motorway for 5 hours. But you know - it’s an invitation not a summons.

DuckofDoom · 19/10/2018 15:27

Well what did they expect?

YANBU

gingercat02 · 19/10/2018 15:27

One of my cousins got married on 21 December and it was lovely. We had a lovely time with all the extended family as we don't live near them so don't see them very often

spanishwife · 19/10/2018 15:28

@MinecraftHolmes I was speaking for the 90% - my apologies. Of course there are always exceptions.

Elephant14 · 19/10/2018 15:31

I have people turning down events from mid-november onwards as its a "busy time". I'd love to be going to a wedding that close to christmas but yes, I can imagine people are keen not to make it a priority - she'll certainly find out who her friends are Sad

Was there a specific reason she chose that date? (although I know in Eastenders EVERYONE has to get married christmas eve, christmas day, boxing day, new years eve and so on - its da law!)

justfloatingpast · 19/10/2018 15:31

"The only person making Christmas a 'busy time' is YOU. You don't have to do ANYTHING in the few days before Christmas, but you are deciding to. "

LOL. Tell that to all the busy people with guests coming to stay, food to buy, last minute presents to wrap, a house to clean, a long drive to stay with parents etc etc etc

SerenDippitty · 19/10/2018 15:32

SerenDippitty
The bride and grooms initials weren’t C and H and the wedding in East Anglia by any chance?

No, different initials, different part of the country!