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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To decline invite to wedding so close to Christmas?

94 replies

swansandducks · 19/10/2018 14:14

I've been invited to a cousin's wedding two days before Christmas. I regretted the invite because, frankly, it's such a busy time and I can do without the pressure of having to travel to a wedding as well (2 and a half hours each way, not allowing for extra Christmas traffic, or stay over night)

She's apparently really upset because a lot of her guests have declined the invitation.

Part of me feels guilty but part of me feels that if you plan your wedding that close to Christmas you have to realise that a lot of people won't want or be able to go. AIBU?

AIBU to

OP posts:
MrsPworkingmummy · 19/10/2018 15:32

We got married 4 days before Christmas and had the most gorgeous day. We expected people to deline (as people do anyway, Christmas or not), but no-one did and over 250 people packed the evening party. The venue was decorated beautifully, and our friends saw it as another excuse for festive cheer, as well as a family get together. If you can't go, then don't feel guilty. Christmas weddings really can be wonderful though and you might really enjoy it if you give it a chance.

spanishwife · 19/10/2018 15:33

LOL. Tell that to all the busy people with guests coming to stay, food to buy, last minute presents to wrap, a house to clean, a long drive to stay with parents etc etc etc

LOL.. arrange for guests to come the day after, do your online food order and plan to go the shop the day before or the day after, wrap presents the day before or after... etc

You know Christmas is the same day every year right? Just plan better

justfloatingpast · 19/10/2018 15:36

Some people like all the busyness in the week or so leading up to Christmas - bringing the kids to the panto, getting together with the neighbours for a drink, going to the school nativity play and the carol festival in the village hall, putting up the decorations (not everyone has them up from late November) and just the hustle and bustle that adds to the excitement.
Having to be all super organised and miss out on a couple of traditional events in order to travel to a wedding would not be everyone's cup of tea.

justfloatingpast · 19/10/2018 15:38

So Spanishwife you tell your guests to change their flight and come a day later because you're going to a wedding?

Mookatron · 19/10/2018 15:38

We got married near Christmas. It was a Wednesday as well. Not sure what I was thinking TBH.

Still, most people came and had a nice time, and of course I wouldn't have blamed anyone who couldn't make it. It also meant people didn't stay too late and the free bar ended up being much cheaper than we expected!

LemonBreeland · 19/10/2018 15:38

My DB got marrie3 days before Christmas. In their case the majority of people were local which makes it easier. We had to travel 2 hours but could stay with family so not too big a deal. The weather almost stopped us and others travelling from getting there though. As it was a bad winter and lots of snow.

LaurieMarlow · 19/10/2018 15:41

I think a wedding after Christmas (28th onwards) is lovely, but before can be difficult for people. If you aren't able to take much leave before Christmas, those few days for prepping are vital.

tillytrotter1 · 19/10/2018 15:42

Sounds like a wonderful way to relax from the bunfight of Christmas preparations. Surely by then everyone has it all done, apart from peeling a few spuds etc.

penny455 · 19/10/2018 15:44

I mean it's only 1 day ? Can't you stay anywhere the night before ? I would personally make the effort to go

CoughLaughFart · 19/10/2018 15:46

Was there a specific reason she chose that date? (although I know in Eastenders EVERYONE has to get married christmas eve, christmas day, boxing day, new years eve and so on - its da law!)

As soon as I saw this thread I thought of Harry Hill’s TV Burp Christmas special when he showed clips of weddings from the big three soaps. He then said ‘Of course, in real life no one gets married at Christmas - because it’s Christmas’. Smile

Elementtree · 19/10/2018 15:47

I'd love to go to a Christmas wedding. Snow would be awesome. Then you'd have to fight your way through the elements to get home in time for Christmas - like a cheap, made for TV Christmas movie, what's not to like?

Meandyouandyouandme · 19/10/2018 15:50

My DH’s cousin is getting married on the Saturday before Christmas too. I think it’s a great idea, admittedly it’s in the centre of the city about 4 miles away, so not far to travel, and my DC are all grown ups so I am really looking forward to us all going into town all dressed up and having a lovely time with all the lights and decorations up. Just need to find a cocktail dress now Confused

OrdinarySnowflake · 19/10/2018 15:50

Oh dear. Are the bride and groom still at the stage of going back to their parents house for Christmas with no DCs of their own? They might not quite get the amount of work involved in arranging a family Christmas, particularly if you are hosting people.

YANBU to decide that a particular weekend, a few days before you host a big event, that requires you personally to do a lot of work/prep, (which you might have managed prior to the date, but from experience know you might not have done), at a time of year when you won't have as much spare cash as normal, that you would rather decline a wedding invite (that requires overnight stay) of a family member who isn't all that close to you.

TatianaLarina · 19/10/2018 15:53

She’s upset because she didn’t think her wedding date through. The problem is entirely of her own making.

A family member got married around the 10th Dec - that was perfect - Christmas lights but not too near Christmas to be inconvenient. Two days before is simply too close.

florenceheadache · 19/10/2018 15:57

Dh and I got married at Christmas precisely because we knew most people had time off. I don’t remember anyone not making it.

WailingWinteriscomingbella · 19/10/2018 15:58

Planning better doesn't always work, especially if your on a fixed budget and can't be flexibility with days off around the Christmas period.

I wouldn't be going in your shoes.

OrdinarySnowflake · 19/10/2018 16:00

Oh and MN is a strange place - Christmas has 2 main camps - camp 1. Decorations up in November, all gifts bought before Halloween (I've already seen one thread of someone saying they've bought all their gifts already!), wrapping done before advent calendars are out. Over the top, Christmas everything (bedding, tea towels, crockery, loo roll, the lot) - but are super organised and therefore, unless they had the panto or iceskating booked for the Saturday before Christmas (and they will already be booked), would be able to go.

Camp 2. Christmas is another day. Tree goes up on Christmas Eve and down on Boxing day. Children get 1 small, sustainably sourced gift each, plus a satsuma and a lecture about children in refugee camps. They eat only the same way as normal and don't buy any additional food stuffs. These people are personally offended by the idea of someone coming over or inviting you to their house. These people will also think you are being frivolous and weak for falling for the "comercialisation of Christmas" by wanting to get stuff done. They'd go to the wedding, but probably pass judgement if the Bride and Groom look like they've spent more than a grand all in.

In the real world, most families will be a bit busy on the weekend before Christmas, and if not, would like a relaxing time before the following week's craziness starts.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 19/10/2018 16:00

I really feel for the bride if this is only dawning on her now, especially if no one pointed out the obvious when she was in the planning stage.

That Saturday will be the day a lot of people pick up their turkey, do their food shopping and pick up last minute gifts before the madness of Christmas Eve.

I’d make an effort to be organised enough to get there, but it does sound like a bit of a bollocks.

jq28 · 19/10/2018 16:02

I would love to go to a wedding this close to Christmas! I got married 9th December last year and it was spot on cuz it was festive as hell as it snowed 🤣

OrdinarySnowflake · 19/10/2018 16:05

oh and the week between Christmas and New Year, that's the best time to get married if you are having a winter wedding! It's still festive, but the work is done. People already have time off,and not much to do.

DC1 is a Christmas baby, we've learned over the years, a party the week between Christmas and New Year gets full attendance from all friends bar the 1 or 2 who've gone away for Christmas/New Year. The weekend before is harder, and only about a 1/3 make it.

Pity she didn't talk it though with anyone who'd hosted a Christmas day before who'd spell out the unlikeliness of a full house... Sad

Cliveybaby · 19/10/2018 16:09

If you don't want to go, don't!
We're getting married just after Christmas, and I was hoping it'd weed out the people who weren't too fussed about coming but felt obliged... And it has! My dad's horrible brother said he was busy/too expensive - I said "oh yes we understand... it's such a busy time" - all good.
Almost everyone else is coming! except the family member having a baby 6 weeks before lol.

baggies · 19/10/2018 16:14

I got married 3 days before Christmas over 30 years ago.
Perhaps it was different then but everyone invited came. Families still travelled, still had Christmas to organise, but a family wedding came first.

BlueJava · 19/10/2018 16:15

Tbh 2+ hours drive each way and a wedding on the Saturday before Xmas? Sorry but I'd be getting stuff ready for my kids and OH. I'm not surprised people aren't going - I also hate travelling at that time of year as you can't guarantee the weather. If it was someone really close to me I'd have to go... but totally understand if she isn't getting many acceptances.

Elementtree · 19/10/2018 16:19

Maybe I could go on your behalf in a Face Off meets Wedding Crashers meets Love Actually mash-up scenario?

DevonCherry · 19/10/2018 16:19

I feel sorry for the bride. I can well see the attraction of a festive wedding and all the trimmings it could entail...and I expect she thought it would be magical.
I think you should put yourself in your shoes and imagine how you would feel if if was your wedding and family members opted out because they didn't want the hassle so close to Christmas.

You get Christmas every year, but she'll (hopefully) only have one wedding. It might not be what you'd choose, but I think you should suck it up and go. You might even enjoy it.