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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Single sex (girls) high school

117 replies

BambooPlate · 18/10/2018 16:16

Our closets school is single sex and we are likely to get a place for dd. It's a great school but whenever I tell people that dd is likely to go there people are negative about it. They say that it's an artifical environment more bitchy and competitive.

My cousin says she would never send her dd there as girls are more likely to become gay in a single sex school or 'experiment' in this manner. Apart from being a homophobic attitude i believe this is bs right? Hmm

AIBU to think that single sex ed can be a good option? Or is it socially limiting?

OP posts:
redexpat · 18/10/2018 16:18

Jealousy and/or stupidity. Every. Single. Time.

ErickBroch · 18/10/2018 16:19

All I would say is that the majority of my friends (both men/women) went to single-sex schools and always wished they hadn't. My best friends who went to all-girls schools didn't enjoy the environment and said there was a lot of drama.

However - I think there's drama everywhere. I personally wouldn't send my kids to single-gender schools unless there was a very dramatic difference in the education they'd receive.

GreenLantern53 · 18/10/2018 16:19

theres was a all girls secondary school next to me but it changed to mixed very recently. I wouldnt choose an all girls school personally. I heard girls do better academically in mixed school and boys in an all boys school, not sure how true that is though!

redexpat · 18/10/2018 16:19

To answer your last question, single sex for girls is great in terms of getting more of them to study stem subjects post 16. Because everything is on offer for them.

Stompythedinosaur · 18/10/2018 16:22

I went to an all girls high, it was quite pressurised and competitive, but I suspect that was more due to the ethos than the genders involved. It could also be very supportive.

That said, I definitely did experiment with gay relationships, but again I suspect I would have done in a mixed school too!

tiredtiredtiredtired · 18/10/2018 16:23

Bitchiness/drama would put me off. Not bothered about the "artificial" side of it because I could say it's artificial for kids to be split by age, you don't live like that In the real world or at work

pollyname · 18/10/2018 16:25

Is being competitive 100% necessarily a bad thing? Teenagers are competitive anyway and a competitive academic school can be something to focus on rather than all the other awkward things that come with being a teenager.

My DS goes to a 'competitive' school, I've had several people say my child will be walked all over by other competitive parents but found them to be really nice and normal.

VeryQuaintIrene · 18/10/2018 16:26

I went to an all-girls' high school and it was generally a wonderful experience. While I am not saying that there can't be bitchiness and drama in reality, adolescents of either sex can be total drama queens and there's a misogyny about such blanket assumptions that's pretty annoying in 2018.

TeenTimesTwo · 18/10/2018 16:27

I think there are pros and cons of both mixed and single sex education. You have to weigh them up alongside everything else. At least you hopefully won't get nonsense like 'science is for boys' in an all girls school.

bumblenbean · 18/10/2018 16:27

I went to an all girls school. Generally I enjoyed it, though at the time I did wish there were boys around as Obviously it meant less social interaction with boys!

I think it depends on the child. I do think that in general single sex allows kids to concentrate more as teenagers without the ‘distraction’ of boys (or girls) around but at the same time mixed schools do have their advantages.

I certainly don’t think your DD would be disadvantaged attending a girls school and as for the ‘more likely to be gay’ thing - completely ridiculous comment!

redexpat · 18/10/2018 16:28

There was a similar thread a little while back. With lots of positive stories. Thing is, dynamics vary from school to school and from year to year, so what is true of school A in year x might not be true in year y.

A lot of people tjink that by choosing something different for your dc that you are somehow criticising their choice. They quite often react negatively and go on the offensive to make themselves feel better.

Omeletteandbeans · 18/10/2018 16:30

One of the many things I hated about the all girls school I went to was the homophobia. I'm bi but could not in a billion years have come out at that school let alone done anything about it.

User212787555 · 18/10/2018 16:30

The results at our non-selective all girls comp are much better than the mixed alternatives. This has little to do with demographics as the catchment takes in both middle class and more deprived areas.

Girls tend to do better academically in single sex environments. I also agree above that they are likely to pursue STEM subjects as there is less of a ‘science and maths is for boys’ mentality.

There was plenty of drama at my mixed comp. Much of it involving boys. I’d 100% send my DDs to the single sex school!

highheelsandbobblehats · 18/10/2018 16:31

I went to a single sex secondary. There was bitchiness, but my friend went to the mixed one down the road and by all accounts, it was bitchy there too. Inevitable when you have that many girls together unfortunately, no matter that ratio of boys.

I will say that there were less falling outs over the aforementioned boys though. We all ran in different social circles outside of school, meaning we didn't have the same male friends.

The comment about it making you more likely to be gay is such bullshit. A couple of girls from my year turned out to be gay, but considering there were 200+ of us, odds are that was going to be the case.

I liked it, and have no regrets about going there. My mum wanted me to go to the mixed one. I pointed out to her that she wasn't the one who had to spend six hours a day there. Where does your daughter want to go? Because that's the only opinion that matters.

Rogue1234 · 18/10/2018 16:32

I went to a girl's school and loved it. I flourished there in a way that I hadn't in my mixed sex primary school. Of course that could have been down to a number of other factors, not just the fact that it was single sex.

I am also a lesbian, but I'm pretty sure that it's not because I went to a girl's school Grin

marine04 · 18/10/2018 16:34

All three of my girls went to/go to an all girl's school. It's a great school. It can be a bit catty in the middle years (8/9/10) but as they get older they get so supportive of each other.
Girls are meant to do generally do better academically in single sex schools because they have the chance to excel in STEM subjects whereas a mixed environment is meant to encourage boys. Does it have a partner all make school anyway? Ours does so there are a small amount of mixed social events and some mixing between schools at sixth form level anyway.

Davespecifico · 18/10/2018 16:34

My daughter goes to an all girls school. On balance I'm pleased. She's quiet. It suits her.

Katinkak8 · 18/10/2018 16:34

I went to an all-girls school and I now teach in a mixed comprehensive school. There are pros and cons to both, of course.

I don't remember my school environment being particularly bitchy and I can only think of about 2 girls from my year who are gay. I don't know what percentage of the population is gay, but 2 out of 90 doesn't sound particularly high to me!

FWIW my DH (who went to a mixed school) and I want our DD to go to a single sex school when she's 11. They're the best schools academically in the area and that's important to us. Going to a single sex school hasn't put me off! Grin

BlueBug45 · 18/10/2018 16:35

It's only socially limiting if your DD does nothing else outside school where she mixes with other people her age. Lots of my good friends', male and female, plus me went to single sex schools until we were 16 - our experiences all differ.

Personally I would be careful about some single sex girls schools as they have eating disorders issues.

The rest of the stuff you hear tends to be what a few students in one particular year have done which extrapolated to cover the entire school.

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/10/2018 16:35

I'd send my dd to a girls school in a heartbeat if I could.

I used to think that it would leave them unprepared for dealing with boys but now I honestly think that just means they aren't used to sexual harassment and being pushed out of activities. I realise not all girls are angels my dd included but the vast majority of any problems we have had with her schooling is down to boys and the attitude towards boys behaviour . "That's what boys do" etc

Your friemds are jealous. No doubt about it. I am and i don't even know you

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 18/10/2018 16:36

Grrrr what utter nonsensical rubbish your cousin is spouting about single sex schools being more likely to produce homosexuals. She clearly has no idea about homosexuality.
I’m in a lesbian relationship and both me and my wife went to mixed schools.
If anything I found the girls from the local girls’ school more ‘boy mad’ than the girls at my school predumably because they were more ‘deprived’ of them.
Anyway there was a time when all schools were single sex - was there a higher proportion of gay people historically? I don’t think so.
There is also the view that single sex schools are more likely to create the environment for girls to excel as there’s less pressure on them to perform to gender stereotypes.
In terms of there being more bitchiness in single sex girls schools - believe me there’s plenty of it in mixed schools. You cant escape it.

BonfiresOfInsanity · 18/10/2018 16:37

I went to a girls school and also loved it but it turn me gay! studies show that girls do much better academically in single sex schools.

Thirty years on I'm still great friends with 8 of my school friends despite living miles away from them.

DerelictWreck · 18/10/2018 16:37

heard girls do better academically in mixed school and boys in an all boys school, not sure how true that is though!

Complete bollocks I'm afraid!

Girls do much, much better in single sex environments. There are numerous studies on this.

OP I went to an all girls school and loved it. Yes there was drama (hello...teenagers!) but I didn't turn out unable to talk to boys; gay; slutty; bitchy or anything else associated with the experience!

It's also true what a pp said about the opportunities i.e. STEM. Way better uptake in a girls only environment where they get a chance to believe in themselves a bit more.

themuttsnutts · 18/10/2018 16:39

My daughter goes to a single sex school. I thought it better for her as she used to muck about a bit with the boys at her primary. Her grades did improve at the new school and the standard of teaching was higher. She loved it at first but had a massive wobble halfway through year 7, which lasted halfway through year 8. Part of it was down to her make up but I think she may have been better suited emotionally to a mixed school though she would have still encountered at least some of the problems she had.

BonfiresOfInsanity · 18/10/2018 16:39

And yes, I studied STEM subjects at A level, seriously doubt that I would had the confidence to do so in a mixed school.