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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Single sex (girls) high school

117 replies

BambooPlate · 18/10/2018 16:16

Our closets school is single sex and we are likely to get a place for dd. It's a great school but whenever I tell people that dd is likely to go there people are negative about it. They say that it's an artifical environment more bitchy and competitive.

My cousin says she would never send her dd there as girls are more likely to become gay in a single sex school or 'experiment' in this manner. Apart from being a homophobic attitude i believe this is bs right?

AIBU to think that single sex ed can be a good option? Or is it socially limiting?

OP posts:

Newerversion · 18/10/2018 17:46

Tell your cousin that she is talking out of her arse! Like I said, I went to a single sex school and guess what? Those of us who were straight were straight and those who were gay were gay. She does realise that school is just 5 hours of a day, weekdays, term time and that very little of that time is spent snogging or experimenting behind the bike sheds?

Katiepoes · 18/10/2018 17:46

When I was in school in Ireland single sex schools were the majority, sure there were bitchy girls but they'd have been vile in any school. There were some deeply unpleasant boys in my brothers' school, frankly I doubt listening to some teenage gland shouting about fish smells and boobs/no boobs would have been fun during double German class. Or maybe the bitches would have been lovely and the sex crazed boys all charming just by being in the same room all day?

Not sure about 'turning' gay either, I suspect if that were even possible the spotty grotesques my brothers hung around with would have been far more effective at turning a girl away from men forever.

What a load of shite. Some schools are better than others, some schools suit some kids better than others. Pick the one that your daughter will thrive at and sod what anyone else thinks. (Watch out for feminists though, quite a few of us come from girls school hotbeds of militant lesbian man-hating )

Newerversion · 18/10/2018 17:47

People don't 'end up gay'

LakieLady · 18/10/2018 17:48

I went to an all-girls school and I'm really glad I did. The environment was very inclusive, there was virtually no bitching and I don't recall any bullying, being good at sport, or drama or academic or anything were all equally respected and I bloody loved it.

However, that may have been more to do with the ethos of the school (it was GDST school) than the fact it was single-sex. GDST schools seem to turn out a lot of women who go on to remarkable things: Mary Beard, Mary Berry, Stella Rimington and Cressida Dick all went to GDST schools.

I doubt if girls educated at single-sex schools are any more likely to be gay, although a girl from my year went on to become a gay activist and now works for Stonewall.

IFeelSorryForMillie · 18/10/2018 17:51

The "real world" is not like any secondary school (thank God, in the case of mine). But a single sex school allows girls a safe space to express themselves and build confidence before they go out into the wider world

^this was my experience of an all girls school.

Theworldwentwhite · 18/10/2018 17:51

I went to an all girls school, I loved it!

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/10/2018 17:52

Ok end up may be the wrong turn. They are too young to know at this moment in time. It's not really something I've put much thought into cos I really don't care. All that matters is they grow up and are happy and loved and treated well

Original poster

BambooPlate · 18/10/2018 17:53

"So what if they do experiment. Least they won't get pregnant. I suspect if that were even possible the spotty grotesques my brothers hung around with would have been far more effective at turning a girl away from men forever."
and there are my comebacks

OP posts:

ShadyLady53 · 18/10/2018 17:56

I went to a private all girls school from 9 - 12.5 and left partway through Year 8 because I was bullied terribly. It was a nasty, dare I say, evil environment. The minute I started at my mixed school I noticed the atmosphere was far less intense - the boys certainly took the edge off the bitchiness.

I’d never send a child to a single sex school. A lot of the people I know who went to single sex schools really struggled with knowing how to communicate with the opposite sex, myself included. We were taught that boys were like aliens, disgusting, dirty creatures. This was only in the late nineties too.

At the Girls school we were far more aware of gay relationships than we were at the mixed school. A couple of girls in Yr 7 admitted they only went to that school because they were lesbians - most of them were right about their sexuality even at 11 and are in gay relationships now. I’m not sure a single sex school can make someone gay but I do think it can mess with your head a bit as you have all these sexual feelings and hormones flying around but no one to have a crush on in school if you are straight. Us straight girls tended to develop inappropriate crushes on adult men like the one male member of staff or the plumber or we’d fixate on celebrity males in a weird unhealthy way. I found it really hard to be attracted to boys my own age - I was usually more interested in their Dads! I put it down to not knowing how to relate to boys until I’d been in the mixed school for a good few years.

anitagreen · 18/10/2018 17:58

I hated all girls school I went to one we used to laugh and say girls either left bisexual, slags or to go uni and be a spinster. No idea why we said it . But on the other hand I wouldn't send my daughter to one they was so bitchy and nasty girls would be in different groups, popular girls, geeky girls, sporty, honestly it was like St Trinians. I went to Burntwood in tooting

Missingstreetlife · 18/10/2018 18:05

Tell your cousin to mind her own business, if she has kids she can educate them and instill her prejudice how she likes. Your children will be educated how you think best.
And what if they are gay, plenty of people are, in all walks of life, it's not infectious. End of.

madeyemoodysmum · 18/10/2018 18:07

The lesbian comment is ridiculous why would that to enter into the equation at all there will still be girls at a mixed school and if you fancy them you fancy them. End of!

However I do feel that single sex schools of both sexes do nothing to promote equality for women, I feel children should be taught in a mixed environment that all sexes achieve whatever they want.
I think separating children and telling them that they can't learn as well or as each other when together is a ridiculous concept and very old-fashioned, we should be moving forward not promoting this crap

Missingstreetlife · 18/10/2018 18:08

Anita, all that popular, geeky, sporty, posh, chav crap also goes on in mixed schools

allthatmalarkey · 18/10/2018 18:13

If anything's likely to turn a teenage girl into a lesbian, it would be the morning fart competition as practiced by the boys in my tutor group at my old mixed sex comp.

If I'd gone to a single sex school I'd be a lot more starry eyed about the opposite sex.

allthatmalarkey · 18/10/2018 18:16

And the fart competition didn't stop us deferring to them and thinking boys were better at STEM subjects. I would seriously think about sending DD to a single sex school if it were an option, especially if she were academic (only 4).

StoneofDestiny · 18/10/2018 18:19

Utter nonsense about sexuality being affected by going to a single sex school. I went (as did my sisters) -we are all straight. Onevbrother went to a mixed sex school, one to a single sex. Both are straight too. We all went to mixed sex primaries then on to mixed sex universities. We sisters have no issues with boys or men - in fact all chose men as partners!

Dbrook · 18/10/2018 18:24

I went to an all girls school and had a great experience. It was a really supportive environment, and academically we were pushed hard and never felt there were subjects or careers that were off limits to us (i’m awful at maths but can only blame myself for that!).

I went to a mixed school before that and by contrast the girls there were very bitchy and cliquey. It was worse than Mean Girls, with someone being ostracised at random every week just for kicks.

As for the turning gay comment - that’s just bizarre, but if she did turn out to be gay what would it matter?

whiteroseredrose · 18/10/2018 18:25

I went to an all girls Grammar and DD is at one now. No bitchiness to speak of at either of our schools. DD has a friend at the local mixed school who has experienced bitchiness as there is competition for boys attention.

I don't know about lesbianism but there is a trans girl / boy at her school. Obviously felt safe in coming out there. DS reckoned that nobody would dare at the all boys school as they wouldn't be so accepting.

Magicpaintbrush · 18/10/2018 18:29

I went to an all girls secondary school and have no complaints, I got a great education and I am hoping to send my daughter to an all girl's school too. I would have been very self conscious and distracted if I'd been schooled with boys during my teens. I am also aware that sexual bullying and pressure can happen so I want to try and avoid that for my daughter if I can.

As for the idea that you are more likely to become a lesbian if you attend an all girls school...just what the...?!? That is such a ludicrous notion and is absolute rubbish.

TheRollingCrone · 18/10/2018 18:36

Do you know OP when I look at the violence/casual sexist that exists towards women ( not to mention the figures on serious sexual assault carried out on school premises) i'm delighted my dd will be going to an all girls school next September.

I always hope she turns into The Biggest Lesbian walking the earth ..
As a straight woman I can tell you: Lesbians are da Bomb!

Poloshot · 18/10/2018 18:39

Load of nonsense people either jealous or ignorant. Take no notice

parkermoppy · 18/10/2018 18:44

gay girls will be gay whether they are at a single sex or mixed school! and she is probably right, they probably do experiment more with girls that girls in mixed schools BECAUSE THERE ARE NO BOYS, but isn't that preferred - no pregnancy scares?!

but as a PP said, people don't 'end up gay'

Darkstar4855 · 18/10/2018 18:50

I went to an all girls school, I loved it there. I don’t think I would have done so well academically if I’d had the distraction of having boys around. I also think it made me more confident as a woman because we were encouraged to take on responsibility and to be ambitious about what we could achieve. There was no being “made gay” or lurid lesbian experimentation going on (at least not that I was aware of) and we still socialised with boys outside school.

Kpo58 · 18/10/2018 18:56

I hated being at an all girl's school. It was bitchy and I didn't fit in with any of the groups. It was also a place that noone would dare to let anyone know that they were gay. Although the stem subjects were available, due to abysmal careers advice noone knew what they could do with them in the real world. Most jobs were also never mentioned, so you were only told about stuff like teaching and hairdresser. This was in the late 90s.

Obviously this doesn't apply to all single sex schools. I'd see what your child's friendship circle is like and then decide. If most of their friends is of the oppersite sex then a single sex school won't be for them.

Original poster

BambooPlate · 18/10/2018 19:06

anita and shady that sounds really tough . On the whole it seems very positive but I appreciate neither single sex nor mixed ed is perfect for everyone. In my mixed schoo, boys were very arrogant and many were hugely sexist from a youngish age. I hated it. Girls were graded according to their attractiveness and the less attractive ones including me were less popular.

As I said we don't really have a choice, it's the only decent school we will definitely get into. I suppose only time will tell. I like the idea that single sex is empowering and that there is less sexual harassment. We have the option to go co ed in 6th form.

OP posts:

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