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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Single sex (girls) high school

117 replies

BambooPlate · 18/10/2018 16:16

Our closets school is single sex and we are likely to get a place for dd. It's a great school but whenever I tell people that dd is likely to go there people are negative about it. They say that it's an artifical environment more bitchy and competitive.

My cousin says she would never send her dd there as girls are more likely to become gay in a single sex school or 'experiment' in this manner. Apart from being a homophobic attitude i believe this is bs right?

AIBU to think that single sex ed can be a good option? Or is it socially limiting?

OP posts:

Cambalamb · 18/10/2018 17:03

If you're gay, you're gay. Being around girls/women doesn't turn you gay!

RangeRider · 18/10/2018 17:03

My cousin says she would never send her dd there as girls are more likely to become gay in a single sex school or 'experiment' in this manner.
Your cousin has a sense of humour. I went to an all-girls school & hated it, and turned out gay. It may not have been the all-girls bit that made me hate it, it certainly didn't affect my sexuality. I didn't come out until years later & never fancied anyone at school.
I think single-sex secondary schools are a good idea though. But I'd have preferred a much smaller school with both sexes.

PinguDance · 18/10/2018 17:03

Massively depends on the school and your child - I would have resented being sent to an all girls school and did absolutely fine in stem subjects in my mixed school, but where I live now I would probably send my daughter to the local single sex school (if I had one) cos it’s better and would be a lot more convenient. I do have friends who went to single sex schools and most of them say that’s rather not have done but needs must at the end of the day.

AlexaShutUp · 18/10/2018 17:05

I believe the research suggests that girls perform slightly better in single sex schools. That said, I wouldn't personally choose a single sex environment because the world is not like that. DD was also adamant that she didn't want to go to an all girls' school.

We live in a mixed society, and I want my dd to feel confident about operating in that society. I love the fact that she has close platonic friendships with boys as well as girls, and although it pains me to say it, I do think the mixed friendship groups result in less bitchiness and falling out.

As for the homophobic crap about kids at single sex schools "becoming" gay, that's just bigoted bullshit, and highly offensive at that!

IHaveBrilloHair · 18/10/2018 17:05

My Dd has always been at mixed sex schools, she's doing STEM subjects and is bisexual!

Angelil · 18/10/2018 17:07

Your cousin is talking BS indeed.

As for this idea though:
"They say that it's an artifical environment more bitchy and competitive."
I went to a single sex school from 11 to 18. This is exactly what I would have said about it. Girls are HORRIBLE to each other. I wouldn't recommend the single sex school experience at all. It also means that when you go to university you have a lower chance of being prepared for interactions of any sort with the opposite sex - even initiating friendships can be really awkward.
Obviously you can recover from that. But it's not the start to university (or indeed normal mixed-sex working life) that I would want for my daughter or son as it makes you more vulnerable.

lalalonglegs · 18/10/2018 17:08

Of course schools and daughters vary but my daughter is at a single sex school and it has been a very positive experience - she has been offered masses of opportunities and encouragement that I don't think would have come her way so easily had she been with boys. The ethos is quite feminist and the school builds up the girls' self-esteem. We have the opportunity of sending our younger daughter therel or the (more prestigious) mixed school my son attends and we are sending her to the girls' school .

Godowneasy · 18/10/2018 17:08

I heard girls do better academically in mixed school and boys in an all boys school, not sure how true that is though!

It's actually the other way round! Research shows that girls do better in single sex education, particularly in the sciences.

I can't believe that anyone would buy into the notion that a girl is more likely to be gay if they attend a single sex school!

My daughter went to a single sex school and loved it- not particularly because it was all girls, but because it was a nurturing, stimulating environment which gave her so many opportunities. She chose to stay there for sixth form too, she enjoyed it so much. She thinks she probably achieved more academically at the single sex school than she would have in a mixed school.

Angelil · 18/10/2018 17:08

On the good side, though, it does mean that as other posters have pointed out, you really do have a sense in an all-girl school that girls can do anything (maths, science, sports etc). But a good mixed school should foster that attitude as well.

noctu · 18/10/2018 17:09

I went to a single sex (girls) secondary. It was awful. So bitchy, so much bullying.

Surely it is the job of parents and educational institutions to prepare children for the working world -- which by its nature is mixed sex? The arguments of reducing the 'distraction' of the opposite sex don't cut it for me. Many of the girls at my school (usually those who had been there for primary school too) did one of the following when they finished:
a) couldn't look a boy in the eye, as they simply hadn't been exposed to them in a day-to-day environment other than fathers and brothers (if applicable). Simple interactions in the workplace with the opposite sex became difficult, and relationships even worse. No... not exaggerating.
b) went the other way and slept their way around college/university/etc.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 18/10/2018 17:09

I was single sex for 12 years. It got a bit bitchy years 9 & 10 but people were much nicer to each other in yr11. 6th forms seem to depend on the year group as they're smaller and either work together or people faction off a bit or friendship groups tend to have more adult dramas as they get nearer leaving school & the lie of the land changes.

There was nothing we couldn't do because we were girls and it definitely instilled me with some confidence!

shearwater · 18/10/2018 17:10

DD1 was in a mixed primary school and takes part in activities with boys outside school. It's not like she will never be allowed to mix with boys until she is an adult. The "real world" is not like any secondary school (thank God, in the case of mine). But a single sex school allows girls a safe space to express themselves and build confidence before they go out into the wider world.

PinguDance · 18/10/2018 17:11

“No bra strap pinging and no gossiping about who's going out with who. Heaven!”

Unfortunately the the pupils in the girls school I used to work in missed this memo! Most of them were nice I suppose but there was a pretty nasty undercurrent - plenty of boyfriends on the sidelines to bitch about too. However, I very much think that was that particular school culture rather than girls schools in general

myrtleWilson · 18/10/2018 17:11

I went to an all girls school and really enjoyed it. There was a partner all boys school next door so there was social interaction.

My dd also goes to an all girls school - partly because of the stats around girls performance in single sex schools but mainly because it is a small school and I think that is the environment that works best for her so I probably would still have chosen this school if it was co-ed.

DD's school at A level appears to be doing well at encouraging girls into STEM - most popular A levels last year were Biology, Chemistry, Maths and then English (DD won't be following that trend )

shearwater · 18/10/2018 17:15

a) couldn't look a boy in the eye, as they simply hadn't been exposed to them in a day-to-day environment

I couldn't look a boy in the eye, or talk to one, or trust any boy/man of my own age for a relationship for years after secondary school because I was constantly subject to name calling and low level sexual assault and harassment by boys throughout secondary school which dragged down my self-confidence for years afterwards. I was fucking gorgeous and thought I was fat and unattractive.

JBob5 · 18/10/2018 17:16

I went to and have taught in an all girls environment. As a pupil I loved it - no distractions from boys, a much more academically charged atmosphere (maybe a bit of competition but healthily so!).

Statistically speaking girls do MUCH better in a single sex atmosphere whereas boys do better in a mixed environment (at different stages).

Teaching in an all girls environment was glorious! The girls worked so hard, put in far more effort than the girls/boys in my current school, went out of their way to do extra projects and pursue their interests. Yes there’s an element of bitchiness once they hit Y9 BUT that happens in mixed schools and actually, if they’re in form groups throughout their time and if their form tutor fosters the right attitude, they tend to stick up for each other more and differences are embraced.

I would certainly send my daughter to an all girls school if I had one!

Pp’s are correct that girls are more likely to take up STEM subjects at A-Level but as with any subject I wouldn’t push a pupil into doing those subjects if they’re more arty/languages/humanities lead.

Regarding the “experimenting” thing I had no personal experience with that and haven’t seen it in the school I worked at. That said...is experimenting that big an issue?

YouTheCat · 18/10/2018 17:16

I went to a mixed secondary for a while and then a girls' high school. The mixed school was more bitchy.

The girls' school was brilliant and I got a really great education where we were encouraged in everything, especially sciences. This was in the 80s and I'd imagine things are even better now.

Mijkl · 18/10/2018 17:22

Apparently single sex is better for girls' academic results: www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-35419284

BarbarianMum · 18/10/2018 17:29

You think parents should seek out sexual harrassment and sidelining for girls to prepare them for adulthood? OK then.

LegallyBrunet · 18/10/2018 17:34

I went to an all girls school and hated it with a fucking passion. The bitchiness and bullying that went on was ridiculous, I don’t feel like it helped my confidence, we were harassed by the boys from the all boys school down the road and I really did struggle to talk to boys when I moved to a mixed sixth form.

Highheels1 · 18/10/2018 17:35

I went to 3 secondary schools before A-levels; a mixed comp (yr7), girls grammar (yrs8&9) and mixed boarding (yr10&11)

Undoubtedly the best environment for learning (for me) was the Girls' school. It was a selective school, but I truly believe that (for me) it was more that there were no distractions for any of the girls of trying to compete for/impress boys in the classroom/playground.

Agree with a pp re the boy band extremists at all-girls school in the 90s!! I was one of the only ones without a hardcore Westlife/Boyzone fetish!

No rampant lesbianism that I was aware of either unfortunately.

MagpieWife · 18/10/2018 17:40

The stuff about sexuality is complete bollocks.

Aside from that, I went to an all girls' school and my experience was mixed. As wells as being single sex, it was extremely academic and there were huge amounts of pressure and competition. The other side of that was a first-rate education.

I did know some girls who didn't have any male friendships until they went to university, but that wasn't an issue for me as I had four brothers and a lot of hobbies. I would hate to raise my daughters that way though.

Original poster

BambooPlate · 18/10/2018 17:42

Thank you for all the positive views. What shall i tell my cousin when she pipes up with that nonsense about experimenting again? It's so annoying I feel she is trying to discredit our choice or put us down or something. I have already told her that it's just silly gossip. Her view is that as girls go through hormonal changes and are surrounded by girls, it's more likely they experiment. It is absurd.

OP posts:

Newerversion · 18/10/2018 17:42

I went to a single sex secondary school and although I got good results and came out pretty well rounded and perfectly able to mix with both sexes I have still chosen to send my dcs to mixed schools. I just feel that a mixed school suits them better as they have always had a real mix of friends of both sexes. So far, so good for them.

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/10/2018 17:44

So what if they do experiment.

Least they won't get pregnant. And mixed schools are all full of people doing the same stuff so.

But then I don't care if my dds end up gay or not I just want them happy

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