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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this comment unnecessary

107 replies

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 18/10/2018 12:03

Took my DD 14 months to a free music class trial on Monday, the class is aimed at 1-2 years old, so young toddlers. My LO loves music and is very active so I thought I’d give it a go. In the class all the kids pretty much sat and banged instruments while the teacher sang at them. My DD didn’t really do this and instead walked round the room clapping and trying to grab the bubbles in the air (there were bubbles) but with a huge smile on her face. Anyway at the end of the class I kind of confirmed it’s not really for her. The franchise just called me to follow up and I explained that it was a good class but probably not for us, to which she said “yes I have a note from the teacher, your little one was nice but very busy” Hmm
Well I actually didn’t ask for feedback on my child, and as for “busy” she’s a bloody toddler who is excitable. I feel it’s this kind of judgement that makes mothers worry about attending groups whether we have a grumpy, crying or “busy” baby. Wish I had told her to stuff her class.

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 18/10/2018 14:37

Your little one was very busy.

She's 14 months old. What do they expect. My nephew is the same age and He's everywhere. Yes I know other kids were there and sitting playing with the instruments but. We can't all have perfect little programmed robots,can we.
A 14 month old baby chasing after bubbles is perfectly normal.
Its no wonder mums can feel lonlet and isolated.
Also what about children with Special needs are they going to say the class isnt for them. If they did they find them selveS in serious trouble unswe Disability Discrimination, would they not.!

Givemeyourbunsandyourbiscuits · 18/10/2018 14:38

Sounds exactly like my experience with my toddler at a 1-2 year music class. All the other children sat nicely while mine ran around the room doing anything but joining in.
HOWEVER, I received a Facebook message from the leader after the class saying she hoped I would return and said that some of the other children had been the same when they started so not to be put off.
So, YANBU and I think that's awful.

shearwater · 18/10/2018 14:46

Monkey Music definitely involves moving around, for children and adults!

IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes · 18/10/2018 14:46

Don't know if I would call it "feedback" so much as making casual conversation?? The people who run these classes aren't going to instantly memorise every one of the kids' names/abilities/characteristics so if she made notes I would imagine it was for their reference in how to adapt future classes to suit them all. Rather than some kind of Simon Cowell figure passing judgement on those who didn't perform as the should have!! Grin

dany174 · 18/10/2018 14:48

OnlyFoolsnMothers I guess its all on how you chose to receive it. I would have accepted it as pleasant phone chatter and an agreement on my parenting decisions. They would have had to call back anyway because you know your child best, maybe she was not her usual self that day or she tends to wonder around a lot in new places.

It also depends on how you sounded over the phone, maybe if after that comment you answered with something like "Yes, she didn't seem that interested in just sitting down for such a long time, even though she liked the music" they might have suggested a more active class if they have those. But not everybody given the unthankful task of doing the callback are natural sales people.

Just try and focus on the intent of the remark not how it came across. I don't think it was intended to offend. It was an attempt to agree with you, it was an attempt to be friendly and understanding.

LaurieMarlow · 18/10/2018 14:55

Maybe the teacher wanted to be very clear that the OPs dd was not suitable for the class.

Maybe. But that would demonstrate shitty business sense.

The OP's child does not sound like a terror, but a normal toddler.

The OP has friends/acquaintances/people online she talks to.

KurriKurri · 18/10/2018 14:58

I think anyone who thinks all 1-2 yr olds are going to sit still and play instruments, is utterly clueless about what can be expected of children this young.

You'd expect a gamut of behaviour from joining in (from the older ones for some of the time) to running around utterly uninterested in the music and anything in between. Your DD sounds as if she comes roughly under the heading of interested, moving about physically enjoying the music - which is totally fine for a toddler.

if you want little ones to sit and play instruments, don't blow bubbles - I find it hard to imagine that many toddlers would be able to resist chasing bubbles.

And no, - if you do decide to not go to a class after a trial session, you don't expect a critique of your child's behaviour - it's not their place. They were running a free session to presumably drum up (see what I did there ?Grin) business, you are a potential customer, you don't need their opinion on your DD's behaviour. It's not school report time for 1 yr olds.

formerbabe · 18/10/2018 15:14

Well I suppose some may call her behaviour 'busy'...others would say 'first on the dance floor!' Grin

RoboticSealpup · 18/10/2018 15:32

That dig about "money being tight" was hilariously bitchy!

BarbarianMum · 18/10/2018 15:39
Antigon · 18/10/2018 15:39

That dig about "money being tight" was hilariously bitchy!

Think that was me, I wasn't being bitchy! What I was trying to say was that OP gave up on the music group too soon, after just 1 session.

However, if money is tight, then it makes sense to not pay for more music group sessions if OP knows her DD is not enjoying them and just get a bottle of bubbles as that's what her DD enjoyed at the session!

RoboticSealpup · 18/10/2018 15:42

She didn't say money was tight! Where did you get that from?

LaurieMarlow · 18/10/2018 15:43

So why be all offended at someone passing comment on the fact?

The OP didn't say she was offended, she said she found the comment unnecessary.

Which it absolutely was.

LaurieMarlow · 18/10/2018 15:44

What I was trying to say was that OP gave up on the music group too soon, after just 1 session.

I presume it was a taster session, in which case she only had 1 session to make up her mind before paying a terms worth of fees.

Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 18/10/2018 15:45

Antigon money wasn’t mentioned so it was a bitchy comment.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 18/10/2018 15:47

Do you only speak when "necessary"? Sometimes people do this thing called chatting which is a way of forming a transient social bond.

Antigon · 18/10/2018 15:50

You do know that money being tight isn't a crime or a character flaw? We all have times when money is right.

Suggesting that you stopped the sessions too soon but then acknowledging that it's reasonable to do so if (IF) money is right, is not bitchy.

And your OP didn't say it was a taster session.

You are way too over sensitive.

I stand by my first, you're precious and unreasonable.

LaurieMarlow · 18/10/2018 15:53

Do you only speak when "necessary"

No but you seem to be missing the point that it's their job to attract customers and keep them happy. Not risk pissing them off with an ambiguous (at best) comment about their behaviour.

I'm (sort of) willing to believe that the person in question is really socially awkward (rather than chippy and defensive) and was attempting to do benign chit chat. In that case she should get more training.

Antigon · 18/10/2018 15:53

Just re-read the op, you said trial session. My comment still stands, 1 session isn't always a good indication of whether you want to stick with something. However if your DD didn't enjoy it all, no point in spending money on it.

Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 18/10/2018 15:54

You do know that money being tight isn't a crime or a character flaw Hmm

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 18/10/2018 15:56

And your OP didn't say it was a taster session

OP a free music class trial - first sentence of OP - that's a taster session pretty obviously

LaurieMarlow · 18/10/2018 15:57

OP I don't think it really matters what anyone says on here. You've ended up mildly annoyed with them, not interested in returning to the classes and sharing your opinions with other mums.

That's a fail for them, no matter how you look at it.

Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 18/10/2018 15:59

LaurieMarlow agreed
Think there is a lot of soft play in our future Grin...me and my busy child!

OP posts:
twattymctwatterson · 18/10/2018 16:10

Honestly I wouldn't even think twice about a comment like that never mind being annoyed enough to start a thread on it. My 5 year old is still and always has been the definition of "busy". If you're going to let conversational passing comments get to you, you'll probably spend the first ten years of her life upset

themuttsnutts · 18/10/2018 16:25

I think we all know what 'lively, active, busy, into everything' mean - as euphemisms go, they are not exactly subtle. I had 2 like that and have heard it all.

And, yes, even at a music class and I was the same as you. I got uncomfortable and stopped going.

Yanbu. It WAS an unnecessary comment to give to potential customer or, even if you weren't to go back, you still may have recommended it to friends with similar aged children. I doubt you would now.

I also think businesses need to.be more careful because social media makes it v easy for us to publicise what we think