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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this comment unnecessary

107 replies

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 18/10/2018 12:03

Took my DD 14 months to a free music class trial on Monday, the class is aimed at 1-2 years old, so young toddlers. My LO loves music and is very active so I thought I’d give it a go. In the class all the kids pretty much sat and banged instruments while the teacher sang at them. My DD didn’t really do this and instead walked round the room clapping and trying to grab the bubbles in the air (there were bubbles) but with a huge smile on her face. Anyway at the end of the class I kind of confirmed it’s not really for her. The franchise just called me to follow up and I explained that it was a good class but probably not for us, to which she said “yes I have a note from the teacher, your little one was nice but very busy” Hmm
Well I actually didn’t ask for feedback on my child, and as for “busy” she’s a bloody toddler who is excitable. I feel it’s this kind of judgement that makes mothers worry about attending groups whether we have a grumpy, crying or “busy” baby. Wish I had told her to stuff her class.

OP posts:
Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 18/10/2018 13:03

Antigon if you’re going to attack me for attention at least read my posts correctly:
I didn’t cancel a class it was a taster session
I’m not precious I think the comment was unnecessary.
As for this being a non-event, I didn’t say “stop the press”, this is an opinion forum.

Re money- your sly dig about my financial circumstances are unfounded. I wouldn’t waste money on something I didn’t think was value for money regardless of how much disposable income I have!

OP posts:
TheMShip · 18/10/2018 13:04

If it was Monkey Music, yeah they're shit for toddlers who don't want to sit still. Try Music Bugs instead - far far better.

Bear2014 · 18/10/2018 13:09

YANBU. It was unprofessional on their part IMO. They should have just replied 'no problem at all, thanks for letting us know and for trying us out'. End of.

AnotherPidgey · 18/10/2018 13:11

The comment was unnecessary. It's not a setting such as nursery that needs to feedback on children's development. Nothing is gained by it.

Fishforclues · 18/10/2018 13:14

Just as well you found out first week.

I remember being embarrassed at a music class where all the other children sat nicely banging their xylophones, while my child slowly and determinedly tried to take hers apart. She is 11 now and Tech is her new love at secondary school. She'll be just fine.

LilMy33 · 18/10/2018 13:14

I wouldn’t like the word “but” being used. I wouldn’t be mortally offended or anything just hearing the words “your child is nice but....” makes me a little prickly.

FWIW both of mine would have been chasing bubbles and dancing around instead of sitting nicely and playing along with the music at around that age. In fact, I’m surprised more toddlers in the class weren’t! I’d say dancing and chasing the bubbles was being very much being part of the class. If she’d spent the whole time trying to escape that would be different.

Dontfeellikeamillenial · 18/10/2018 13:14

Tell her to get to fuck Grin

BackIntoTheSun · 18/10/2018 13:16

My one year old DD is always the one wandering off at these sort of things, definitely gonna start telling people 'she's just very busy, she's got a lot on' Grin

Devilainelle · 18/10/2018 13:20

Try rhythm and rhyme at your local library.

LaurieMarlow · 18/10/2018 13:25

Don't see the problem personally. People dont actually need your permission to have an opinion on your child or their suitability for an activity they run.

Even if this were true (and I agree with another that it's not their remit) they are attempting to sell a service to the OP.

So you'd think they'd have the wit to avoid offending her in the hopes that she'd try again when her child is older and/or recommend the service to others.

Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 18/10/2018 13:28

it was disconcerting that all the others just sat quietly the whole time. It was as if they were drugged
This exactly!!!

OP posts:
Tinty · 18/10/2018 13:28

My Ds went to mummy and baby music group from about 14 months, he ran around dancing to the music that the other babies made, he had a whale of a time. We went to this group until he was 3 occasionally he joined in and played the instruments but mostly he just liked to dance around, maybe he misread the group title and thought it was Ds dance group Grin.

They were lovely and were not bothered at all by the fact that he didn't sit nicely and play instruments all the time. Sometimes other babies joined in the dancing but mostly they just played the instruments and had great fun, this was a really great inclusive group. It is a shame that the group you went to was not like this.

I actually saw the group leader 16 years later and he asked me what my dancey ds did nowadays. I had to tell him Science at Uni not Dance. Smile.

Jux · 18/10/2018 13:59

It sounds to me that your dd was engaging in a far more constructive way than the others. It's all very well banging something, but you can do that anywhere with or without mustic. If they were banging in time, that's different. As your dd was actually dancing (moving to the music) and enjoying it then she got something from it.

I don't think the class is for you. They thought their comment was negative, put it across to you as negative, when, if they knew what they were doing and watched properly, they would have seen what she was doing wasn't just random and irrelevant.

There'll be better classes out there.

RelicHunter · 18/10/2018 14:04

Am I the only one imagining OP's 14mth old baby swaying and clapping to the music? Smile. Quite a nice picture.

GertrudeTheGuineapig · 18/10/2018 14:05

I bet if the op had said she loved the class and wanted to book they’d have been a lot more positive and said how wonderful it was that dd was so involved.

They should have been positive and the op might have been tempted back some day. I think they’ve blundered because they don’t respond well to criticism.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 18/10/2018 14:08

I was at a baby ballet class that used to descend into chaos about halfway through. It was very 'busy' but we needed a calmer environment - smaller numbers and more structure.

I think you've just got to look around and find something that suits your child. At that age most toddlers don't have great attention spans but I do think the bubbles would have been distracting and hard to resist.

IamPickleRick · 18/10/2018 14:09

Why is there a note anyway? I’d have said, yes I also have a note on the teacher, it says dickhead.

dany174 · 18/10/2018 14:11

Seriously you are over analysing a very innocent remark.

Your the one that said the class was " probably not for us" and the person on the phone agreed with your parental decision. As in yes I can see why your think that and its probable the right decision.

The teacher noted she was a bit busy, so not very engaged with the main activity therefor many your daughter finds it a bit boring or other things more entertaining. This is not a dig at your child but an indication that it might not be something she finds particularly enjoyable or the class is not set up in a way that is engaging for her. You yourself picked up these same points, its the reason why you are not going again, so you are both in agreement.

Whats the problem? I truly don't understand.

Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 18/10/2018 14:15

dany174 I didn’t ask for feedback- they called ME! I assume because they want my business. I was very polite in saying great class (it was so so) but not for us.
Any further comment isn’t required- if they too agreed it wasn’t for my daughter then they shouldn’t call me. So to pass comment on my child in such a manner is rude.

OP posts:
IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes · 18/10/2018 14:16

They should have been positive and the op might have been tempted back some day. I think they’ve blundered because they don’t respond well to criticism.

I don't think it's the people at the class who don't respond well to criticism! Imagined or otherwise. From sounds of it OP twice said they wouldn't be back and obviously with bit of an attitude or she wouldn't have felt the need to start a rather "unnecessary" thread about an issue she already resolved. They didn't say anything negative and were basically agreeing with OP. If they'd tried to persuade her otherwise she'd probably have then said they were pushy. If they gave no response maybe that would have been viewed as uncaring to potential customers. So they can't win.

As said previously it sounds like her child was enjoying it in her own way and there was no pressure for her to do exactly what the other kids were so it's a shame she's not getting a chance to go back really. All because of some perceived hint of criticism which I don't see as being intentional Hmm

Booie09 · 18/10/2018 14:18

If your offended over that...wait till parents evening.

RoboticSealpup · 18/10/2018 14:19

Of course it was weird. Someone trying to sell your a service is appraising your DDs "performance". Wtf? But people on Mumsnet are sooo easygoing they never get offended by anything unless it actually happens to them.

GertrudeTheGuineapig · 18/10/2018 14:21

But the op isn’t the one touting for business is she? She doesn’t need feedback because the class decided not to take her dd or something. The class wanted her business. She said no thank you. They then said “oh yes I can see a note here saying your dd was...”. Unnecessary. The op had already said no thank you. No feedback required.

shearwater · 18/10/2018 14:28

It's very rude of them to give feedback on your child. Sour grapes.

Leave them a Google review.

BarbarianMum · 18/10/2018 14:33

"No comment necessary

Maybe the teacher wanted to be very clear that the OPs dd was not suitable for the class. Maybe she only likes to work with "drugged" children.

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