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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this comment unnecessary

107 replies

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 18/10/2018 12:03

Took my DD 14 months to a free music class trial on Monday, the class is aimed at 1-2 years old, so young toddlers. My LO loves music and is very active so I thought I’d give it a go. In the class all the kids pretty much sat and banged instruments while the teacher sang at them. My DD didn’t really do this and instead walked round the room clapping and trying to grab the bubbles in the air (there were bubbles) but with a huge smile on her face. Anyway at the end of the class I kind of confirmed it’s not really for her. The franchise just called me to follow up and I explained that it was a good class but probably not for us, to which she said “yes I have a note from the teacher, your little one was nice but very busy” Hmm
Well I actually didn’t ask for feedback on my child, and as for “busy” she’s a bloody toddler who is excitable. I feel it’s this kind of judgement that makes mothers worry about attending groups whether we have a grumpy, crying or “busy” baby. Wish I had told her to stuff her class.

OP posts:
GertrudeTheGuineapig · 18/10/2018 12:27

“Your little one was nice but...”

I mean, that’s never going to end well is it? And nice is such a blah word too. I’d never describe a toddler as “nice”. It’s like “fine” or “ok”.

LaurieMarlow · 18/10/2018 12:32

I agree with you. You didn't ask for feedback on your toddler.

Is it monkey music per chance? I did the trial class, didn't particularly rate it and let them know that (gently) when they followed up.

Their tone on the phone suggested that they weren't too into constructive feedback.

Welshmaiden85 · 18/10/2018 12:33

Probably differing expectations here. When I’ve been to ‘classes’ there has been an expectation of following the teacher/leader, sitting in the circle etc. Whereas at a playgroup it’s fine to dance about.

Nothing at all unusual about a 14m old dancing about to music and bubbles but I can see it makes it a bit chaotic if they all do that.

ImSoExhausted · 18/10/2018 12:36

Can I ask what franchise it was? There's so many around now and I want to know what ones have that strange attitude before I go along haha

IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes · 18/10/2018 12:37

Seems a bit oversensitive to give it more than a couple seconds thought. If she said "nice but badly behaved/disruptive/disobedient" fair enough. Could be you're over thinking it a bit or feeling judged somehow but most kids that age don't have much attention span and sounds like she enjoyed it in her own way. Might have been worth giving it another go and she could settle into it in time but seems unlikely if that short comment they made (which you agreed with) has offended you.

MinnieRabbit · 18/10/2018 12:38

..."nice, but..." not a positive thing to say about a toddler at all to be fair. They obviously didn't like your feedback and responded in kind.

If they don't want dancing and catching bubbles then they really ought to reconsider playing music and blowing bubbles around toddlers.

nonotes · 18/10/2018 12:39

Fwiw my PIL call our little man 'busy' but they mean it in a nice way. She may not have meant it in a mean way, dependant on tone of course.

I'm surprised she passed comment on your child, normally they want people to attend, and realise that children will be children.

Was she disrupting anyone else?

luffly1 · 18/10/2018 12:39

I just think people who work with toddlers wouldn’t say such a comment

Oh you'd be surprised. My niece was asked to leave her toddler music class at around the same age because she "wasn't focused" Grin.

She was a normal toddler TBH, not a little terror running riot. I've been to plenty of similar classes with my (extremely quiet and shy) children and there's always someone having a bit of a wander around. Nothing wrong with it as long as they're not punching other kids or breaking things or otherwise being disruptive.

Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 18/10/2018 12:39

LaurieMarlow I couldn’t possibly say Wink

OP posts:
colditz · 18/10/2018 12:40

It's always fine for 1 year olds to dance about, I don't care if they're in playgroup, music classes or in the court of a judge. I am sick of this trend of classifying children as older than they are and then complaining when they cannot do what the older children do.

14 month old babies generally do not sit down and listen nicely.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/10/2018 12:40

Well she's a toddler not a statue fgs! Don't take it personally.

willgiveitago · 18/10/2018 12:44

"Nice but very busy" ?! What does that even mean?
Sounds to me she acted like a very normal toddler. My two wouldn't have just sat still either.
Don't let it put you off other classes. Most people doing these sorts of classes wouldn't act / think like this. The person from the franchsie sounds passive-aggressive to me. I'd just forget it. Your dd sounds lovely. At that age we tended to go to classes where the kids could move around a lot and do things like catch bubbles. They didn't do well at ones where you had to just sit.

cadburyegg · 18/10/2018 12:45

Being busy isn’t an insult. You’re being over sensitive.

Antigon · 18/10/2018 12:47

This is such a complete non-event.

How is 'busy' a dig?

You sound totally unreasonable and precious to be offended.

And to cancel a class because your dd didn't start banging an instrument in the first class is a bit OTT, maybe she'll be more active in the next class.

If money's tight, then of course much easier to just buy a bottle of bubbles.

whippetwoman · 18/10/2018 12:48

I had this exact same thing. When my eldest was younger I took her to a music group thing. All the other toddlers, and I mean ALL of them, sat quietly doing the instruments while my daughter spent the whole time running around dancing, doing everything except sitting still with an instrument. It wasn't for her so I didn't sign up but it was disconcerting that all the others just sat quietly the whole time. It was as if they were drugged. Very odd, especially because she was always a very chilled, easy going child. She's a teenager now and hard to shift from her bed.

wonderandwander · 18/10/2018 12:48

Cape Town

I just don’t “get” it.

CookPassBabtridge · 18/10/2018 12:48

I was always put off returning to groups as it always seemed my little one was the only one moving around. I soon learnt that other active kids had tried groups and not gone back either, so what's left behind are the ones who can sit still for long periods.

IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes · 18/10/2018 12:51

I would imagine the "but" part of the message that was relayed by the way was probably only said to agree with you saying you didn't feel it was for her. It doesn't sound like it was meant in a negative way it was just to back up the same point you were making! If you said that you didn't feel it was for her and they said "that's a shame she's nice AND busy" would that have changed how you viewed the comment?

StroppyWoman · 18/10/2018 12:51

I wouldn't see it as a dig. It's more confirmation of what you said - your toddler didn't want to sit and play instruments, she wanted to walk and clap and catch bubbles. Which is absolutely fine, and like very many wee kids.
The activity is more suited to those who like playing instruments, and that's fine too.

RelicHunter · 18/10/2018 12:51

But OP your daughter was engaged, as much as any 14month can. She was clearly listening to the music or whatever and so was clapping her hands. She also saw bubbles and tried to catch them. A 14mth old would not know that they are meant to ignore the bubbles and sit still. Please don't let this put you off music.i think she is just to young at the moment. Give it another 6 mths and she'll be fine.

Cornettoninja · 18/10/2018 12:54

I’m kind of shocked anyone would think bubbles are a good idea as a background to another activity with such small children?

I’ve a ‘busy’ dd - she’s inquisitive and perfectly normally doesn’t do sitting around having fun to instructions if it’s not particuarly ‘fun’ to her.

We went to a music class (jo jingles) which she loved and did really well at but the instructor was amazing with the children and really engaging. Another woman covered her for a couple of weeks once and she was much more regimental and ruined the class tbh.

If you can find a good instructor the rest will follow imo.

GertrudeTheGuineapig · 18/10/2018 12:55

It wasn’t an offensive comment, but most people would have just said;

“Thanks for letting us know! It was lovely to meet you both and to have you for the trial session. Please let us know if you want to give it another try some time in the future”.

They’ve agreed with the op, yes, but if they had any sense they wouldn’t have! Because the op said “not for her”. They should have left the door open, implying that although it isn’t right for her now, it’s something she might get more out of later.

Not offensive, but unnecessary and not terribly savvy of them to agree with the op I think.

ittakes2 · 18/10/2018 12:56

I'm confused - you confirmed after the class that it wasn't for your daughter and then are surprised she agreed? I'm guessing someone wrote the note to their office to say don't bother calling her as she said it wasn't for her toddler - but they called anyway! Busy is not an insult. Although its a shame - I don't see why such small children can't walk around a music class if they are enjoying themselves. It shouldn't be just about sitting still at such a young age.

BarbarianMum · 18/10/2018 12:57

Don't see the problem personally. People dont actually need your permission to have an opinion on your child or their suitability for an activity they run.

Ds1 used to wander round the room trying to get out of the windows at toddler music group. This was considered normal, it was a "busy" group.

RomanyRoots · 18/10/2018 13:00

Save your money and do musical things at home.
These groups are a social activity, but hardly music classes, which little ones don't need anyway.