To ask what the stupidest thing you’ve ever done is?

[Wineandpyjamas]

I’m sure there have been threads like this before but here goes.

A few days ago me and DH took our DCs swimming. DCs are 3 and 5 months.

Get changed, get in pool, everything fine. We get out and DH takes charge of the baby while I get toddler dressed. All going well until I realise I haven’t picked our shoes up from the locker. I go to get them and lo and behold - no shoes! I stood there for a good few seconds just staring. It was definitely our locker but completely empty. I check the neighbouring ones just in case, but no.

DH comes out and I tell him what’s happened. He can’t believe it. I can’t either. Toddler is starting to cry as she thinks someone’s stolen her shoes. Cue me starting to think the same and saying in a bewildered tone over and over again: “but who would steal shoes?”

Several kindly other people commiserate whilst also looking a little baffled. I got the attention of a member of staff, lovely guy who looked in his late teens. He looks astonished but very kindly offers to get a master key and check a few of the locked ones near to mine.

DH is triple checking the changing room we were in, toddler and baby now both crying (they were toddler’s fave paw patrol trainers). I’m wondering how on Earth we’re going to get home as we don’t drive.

Staff member opens a few neighbouring lockers but no joy. Shoes have vanished. We go up into the canteen area barefoot and DH starts getting ready to run the half hour walk home and back with spare shoes for us. I keep saying to the poor staff member that I can’t believe someone stole shoes (getting angry). It’s around this point that I have an awful, dawning realisation.

I’d actually put all our stuff in a different locker right down the other end at first but then realised it didn’t lock. So I’d obviously moved all our stuff to a different one and just left the shoes there. Very quietly and shamefaced I went back to check and yup! There they were.

I blame it all on the baby brain but I felt so incredibly stupid. I just know the staff were giving me pitying looks and rightly so. DH pissed himself laughing.

Any other stupid stories to make me feel better?

Once I threw my phone into the bath I was running.

I didn't drop it by mistake, My brain farted and I actually threw it in.

Most expensive bath bomb ever.

I put my socks down the loo instead of in the laundry basket.

Run up to exams and I was exhausted

I drove a 40 mile round trip to get my spare keys from parents’.
It was late at night so I couldn’t bring myself to wake them. That was the point at which I decided to do a thorough Search of the car.

The keys had fallen down the side & then under the seat.

Me (and in fairness DP too) spent ten minutes searching the boot of the car in the dark for my mobile. "Hold on a sec" I say. "I'll use the torch on my phone to look." Which I did. We then spent about another 30 seconds searching for the said phone, using the torch on my phone to look. Then we realised, it had been in my hand all along!

Returning a hire car late on Sunday evening- cleaned it and remembered to take off my house keys from the keyring-chucked them in the letterbox safe- and realised the car was unlocked!
There was no-one to contact out of hours and the next day the staff didn’t even notice it had been left unlocked to my relief.

@ToastyFingers 😱 - I’ve had moments when I’m crossing a bridge over a river and I think “What I threw my phone in” as a random thought. Never done it though!

Did your insurance cover the water damage??

Accepting a particular job offer. Worst decision I have ever made in my entire life. Still paying the price.

I ordered something from a local shop via Facebook, it had been 3 weeks with no delivery.. went to send this woman a message to ask where it was... I never actually replied to her in the first place, I didn't tell her what I wanted or anything. I'm blaming baby brain 🤦🏻‍♀️

I also spent 25 minutes pulling off the sofa cushions and turning the living room upside down looking for my phone, that was in my hand the whole time.

Finally this morning, baby woke up at 5am after a sleepless night, changed her nappy and 2 hours later she was soaking wet.. I didn't put another nappy back on. Thank god it wasn't poo!

@Wineandpyjamas nope! Luckily I was only a few months away from an upgrade and the ol' jar of rice got it working again for a little while.

I phoned the wrong takeaway to complain it hadn't turned up.
I also tried to get out the car with a seat belt still on.

Join mumsnet
Erm... too many to list actually

17 years old, in sixth form, someone was saying they were going to their great grandmothers birthday that weekend.

I informed the entire class that I had grandparents but didn’t have great grandparents.

Someone corrected me ‘you mean you never met them’. I insisted, no, I’d never had them. Boy did I feel stupid when someone gently explained genealogy to me.

Still can’t explain that one. I seem to remember thinking they were similar to great aunts, that people didn’t always necessarily have them. Lord knows. I’m not a moron, I swear!

Not me but Dh. On the phone with a client...blew the man a kiss at the end if the conversation adding, "bye boo"...I am still laughing writing this. Oh dearie me

Booked a holiday to Spain with car hire went had a lovely time the day before we were coming home thought I’d look at the car hire documents to see where and what time we had to get the car back by
At that point realised I’d booked the flights and car hire for different days and we should have been in the air as I was looking at the papers 😱😱 £500 and a day later we got home needless to say I’m not allowed to book holidays any more 😔

I've told this story on mumsnet before.

DS birthday party at lazerquest.
Me single parent, working full time, (this is relevant)
Everything going pretty smooth, cousins in and SiL watching like a hawk.
School chums in apart from one but still 10 mins to go.
Feeling a bit confident I go downstairs to wait for last kid (lets call him James) and have a celebratory fag.
Now as mentioned I worked full time so knew none of DS school chums. I never did the school run.
At the bottom of the stairs is a kid, about the right age. Are you James? I asked, he nodded vigorously.
Oh come on up I gabbled as I grabbed his little hand and hurried him up, banging on about how he will have a great time. Whisked him at the kit guy, telling him to hurry up and get in.

Now I'm feeling very smug.
6.55 and mission well underway.
Off I go for that fag. Downstairs I light up, chuffed with myself and notice a small group gesturing excitedly. Then a car pulls up and this kid gets out.
He looks at me I look at him, the group are getting really animated now.
Are you TQkids mum? He asks, I nod slowly.
I'm James he said.

That's right.
I'd got the wrong fucking James.

I told someone to go and wank a duck today.

I have NO idea where wanking a duck came from........

TheQueef
What did you do with the first James?

Sleeping with my brothers friend 

Married my husband!

I was staying with my friend for one night and had a long train journey to reach her so I’d packed light. Just a change of top/ pants and my toiletries. Figured I’d wear the same bra and jeans both days. No problems with that.

In the evening, before going out, I had a shower. Started it running, got undressed, stepped in... and it was only when I started soaping up, I realised I’d left my bra on. I have absolutely no idea how I forgot to take it off or why I didn’t notice before it got drenched. I’m very busty so there was no way I could get away with going bra-less!

We only had an hour or so before we were going out so I had to borrow my friend’s housemate’s hairdryer to dry it out.

What was I thinking??

For some reason I had to borrow exh work van. I decided on a trip into the local town. I had never even considered the signs in the underground car park stating the maximum height of vehicles allowed in (hell I had only ever been in in a car). It wasnt until the van hit the roof of the car park and tore it that I realised my error!!!

I caught my usual bus home from work.

It was a few stops into the journey when I realised, I'd actually driven into work that day

Got married. (I actually burst out laughing during my vows ) I have been separated longer then I was married.

After making a sandwich.. managed to put used plate in the fridge and block of cheese in the dishwasher
Baby was about a month old, I’m blaming baby brain

Reaa the fake James was inside Lazerquest bewildered.

As it turned out their whole party were hearing and speech impaired.. Yesss of course that was why fake James didn't tell me he was waiting for his mam and dad.

I did the heroic thing of slimming off to sit in the car and left SiL to sort it.

Mortified doesn't cover it.