To ask what the stupidest thing you’ve ever done is?

[Wineandpyjamas]

I’m sure there have been threads like this before but here goes.

A few days ago me and DH took our DCs swimming. DCs are 3 and 5 months.

Get changed, get in pool, everything fine. We get out and DH takes charge of the baby while I get toddler dressed. All going well until I realise I haven’t picked our shoes up from the locker. I go to get them and lo and behold - no shoes! I stood there for a good few seconds just staring. It was definitely our locker but completely empty. I check the neighbouring ones just in case, but no.

DH comes out and I tell him what’s happened. He can’t believe it. I can’t either. Toddler is starting to cry as she thinks someone’s stolen her shoes. Cue me starting to think the same and saying in a bewildered tone over and over again: “but who would steal shoes?”

Several kindly other people commiserate whilst also looking a little baffled. I got the attention of a member of staff, lovely guy who looked in his late teens. He looks astonished but very kindly offers to get a master key and check a few of the locked ones near to mine.

DH is triple checking the changing room we were in, toddler and baby now both crying (they were toddler’s fave paw patrol trainers). I’m wondering how on Earth we’re going to get home as we don’t drive.

Staff member opens a few neighbouring lockers but no joy. Shoes have vanished. We go up into the canteen area barefoot and DH starts getting ready to run the half hour walk home and back with spare shoes for us. I keep saying to the poor staff member that I can’t believe someone stole shoes (getting angry). It’s around this point that I have an awful, dawning realisation.

I’d actually put all our stuff in a different locker right down the other end at first but then realised it didn’t lock. So I’d obviously moved all our stuff to a different one and just left the shoes there. Very quietly and shamefaced I went back to check and yup! There they were.

I blame it all on the baby brain but I felt so incredibly stupid. I just know the staff were giving me pitying looks and rightly so. DH pissed himself laughing.

Any other stupid stories to make me feel better?

I Iost my trousers at the swimming pool once, which was particularly annoying as I was on my lunch break from work!

DH and I were moved seats on a plane and left our passports on the plane. We were stuck between the plane taking off and passport control for about an hour and a half until everything was sorted. We both felt so stupid!

ilovegroot you win i snorted and had tears from laughing at your tip run lol xx

Started reading this thread and forgetting about the burgers under the grill

I was telling a friend a light-hearted work-related anecdote, in the presence of a new acquaintance. Turns out the new guy was a newspaper reporter. The next morning, my my little story turned up in a national tabloid, totally slagging off my client.

Never heard from the client again.

Fucking journalists.

As an inept student nurse I had been instructed to make small talk with a patient to distract him while he was waiting for a scan. I commented on his lovely tan and asked if he had been on holiday. He told me it wasn't a tan, he was actually in liver failure. Then we sat in awkward silence.

I cringe a lot thinking of it now.

My mum was making custard and she asked me to get her a pint of milk from the fridge, so I did and then got a measuring jug out so I could measure a "pint of milk" she just stood there looking at me but I still didn't even realise,,,
Also I asked my dad how do I make a perfect runny egg, he said fill a pan with water and drop the egg in and wait (I can't fully remember the time), let's say 3 mins, so I did and the egg was s raw when I opened it, turns out he didn't tell me to start timing once the water boiled, I tried to cook it in cold water.
I'm so dim

Not the stupidest, just the most recent.

Decided to make curry. Specifically checked I had curry powder, and headed to Tescos for rest of ingredients. Got home and realised I had chilli but not curry.

Got back in car and drove 20 minutes back to Tesco (all the time wondering how I could be so stupid). Picked up the jar and drove home.

Went to add the curry powder only to find...I had bought a second jar of chill powder.

At that point I gave up and added chilli anyway, it didn’t taste too bad!

I tried to make a car insurance claim to the wrong insurer, sent evidence and all.

Spent several days getting furious with M&S customer service over non delivery of an order. Spoke to them on the phone, ranted at them via live chat/email while they were telling me they had no record of my order. Then realised it was from Debenhams 🙈

Tried to tattoo myself, thankfully I don’t think I went into the skin deep enough as when the scab fell off there was nothing there but some slightly bumpy skin I was a stupid impressionable teenager with a weirdly high pain threshold

Actually just checked and there’s still a couple of small raised bumps where my ‘tattoo’ should be 😂

DH booked us into a hotel at Heathrow for an early flight the next morning. We were flying from Gatwick.

DH put two hard boiled eggs in the microwave as he didn’t think they were cooked through. We’re still finding bits of egg.

DH washed some washing machine gel things because they were sticky.

I cannot compete.

@TheQueef thats brilliant!

I once waited for almost ten minutes behind a small queue of traffic leading up to a set of traffic lights (I knew there were lights round the corner but couldn't actually see them). Cars were queuing behind me and everyone getting impatient at how long lights were taking to turn. Eventually realised I was queuing behind some parked cars...

Booked my DH into a Premier Inn in the wrong city.

Printed out a document at work and on the way back to my desk stopped at the shredder and shredded the whole thing, leaving my pile of papers to be shredded on the printer.

Went for flu jab and was asked to hold out my left arm, promptly gave him my right...twice.

Went for a job interview and thought I'd ballsed it up, waited for the lift doors to close and then muttered some expletives and waved my hands in the air. Forgot to press the button so the doors opened and my interviewers were still standing there with an excellent view of my post-interview meltdown.

We had a visitor from overseas and booked a very exciting and expensive activity in London. Everybody had to get up early, we took the train in. When we arrived they didn’t find our booking. Luckily we went a day early and just did the same thing again the next day.

In my early 20s when I wasn’t so sensible I ran into a branch of my bank crying (borderline hysterical) demanding to see a member of staff as I’d just tried to withdraw cash and it said I had insufficient funds. I concluded the money had been stolen from my account as I’d had about a grand in there.

After pulling me into a room and going through my statement, it was concluded that I had actually spent it all, mainly on nights out, buying rounds and clothes. I was extremely embarrassed.

Walking to the local supermarket. Got to the pedestrian crossing and there was a lady in her 50s waiting to cross the road too.

When the green man appeared I told her it was safe to cross, grabbed her hand and walked her to the other side. Only when I let go of her hand did it click what I'd done - whenever I go that route I normally have my ds with me and I'd instinctively just held her hand as I always hold his to cross the road. I apologised, she laughed and was very gracious about the whole thing.

Most recently mis-stepped on a curb in front of a group of students I was escorting to an event (I work at a university) and I rolled my ankle and fell arse over tit on the floor. Jumped up flustered and bewildered and insisted I walk them the rest of the way. That little mis-step was actually a broken ankle... only I could step off a curb wrong and break a bloody bone!

Spent several days getting furious with M&S customer service over non delivery of an order. Spoke to them on the phone, ranted at them via live chat/email while they were telling me they had no record of my order. Then realised it was from Debenhams

Hahah that reminded me of a time myself and DP had a birthday party at our house, which led to a group of us heading into town. DP booked taxis, one turned up, he jumped in that one and we we're waiting for the other. Nothing came. DP text to say it was ABC taxi.. so I rang. Apparently we didn't have a booking, nothing booked, I argued for about 5 minutes demanding to speak to manager etc. DP then texts 'Shit, it was AB taxis' ... absolutely mortified. Taxi turned up about 30 seconds after I got off the phone drunkenly slurring at the taxi woman from the WRONG taxi company.

I lost my car. I used to live in Hertfordshire but work for a large global company and travel a lot. I was taken ill in work (actually in an office in Surrey). I was ill for 2 weeks, I had a taxi all the way home dthen went to hospital for a few days, then home to recover. It wasn't until I went to go back to work I found I had lost my car. I couldn't remember where I last had it... it took a lot of searching at several corporate office car parks across the UK to find it. Then I remembered I'd been taken ill in Surrey but flown there from Lancashire (company private plane shuttle service).

I drive to drop dc off at school and walked home. Was convinced when I got home that my car had been stolen. Have done this more than once I blame baby brain!

I occasionally had to drive the work van in an old job, a very battered old transit. Went off to drop off items to various outworkers, dropped a couple of them, went back to the van for the next drop and it wouldn't start. Tried for ages to get it going but no joy so admitted defeat and called out the AA. I had to wait about an hour for them to turn up. Chap eventually gets there, sits in the front seat, moves the gear stick into neutral and the van starts. I had left it in gear, which is why is wasn't starting. The withered look I got from him lives with me to this day! I never did tell my boss, I blame the old crappiness of the van!

We live next door to an elderly lady. We also have the main drain cover in our garden for us and nearest neighbours. Our toilet started not to flush/clear properly and we had to call the drain people out to rod it. They said it was a build up of sanitary towels (not mine) A few weeks later same again. And yes again a few weeks later. Repeat. My oh decided we needed to buy our own rods and he would diy himself. So on que not happened again so out come the rods and away he goes rod ing the blockage . Once clear he then gets out our hose pipe to flush it. Last quick peer down the ( in his words, poo pipe ) and his car keys and phone fall out of his shirt pocket and down the sewer !f
We did find out the towels were our neighbours tena lady's and thankfully a quiet word has stopped the problem.

I have a few!

I once went to put something in my outside bin and realised my annoying neighbour had put a load of stuff in my bin. Old lampshades and general rubbish. I was so cross. I opened up their bin and start launching all their stuff in! Wasn’t till I was done I realised the bin men had put the bins back in the wrong place and I was actually throwing my neighbours rubbish in my own bin!

While camping, I stood at my tent, holding out my car keys and pressing unlock at the tent door. Took me a few minutes to realise what I was doing, and why the tent wasn’t opening!

I saw a Facebook post that a cat had been run over and killed, I instantly knew exactly which cat it was from the description and knew it lived over the road. I wrote a note and posted it through their letterbox (they weren’t home) to say I’m very sorry your cat has been run over according to Facebook. Only I got the wrong house, and it was their next doors cat that was run over! So I made them panic thinking their cat was dead for no reason.

I could go on. Unfortunately...!