To ask what the stupidest thing you’ve ever done is?

[Wineandpyjamas]

I’m sure there have been threads like this before but here goes.

A few days ago me and DH took our DCs swimming. DCs are 3 and 5 months.

Get changed, get in pool, everything fine. We get out and DH takes charge of the baby while I get toddler dressed. All going well until I realise I haven’t picked our shoes up from the locker. I go to get them and lo and behold - no shoes! I stood there for a good few seconds just staring. It was definitely our locker but completely empty. I check the neighbouring ones just in case, but no.

DH comes out and I tell him what’s happened. He can’t believe it. I can’t either. Toddler is starting to cry as she thinks someone’s stolen her shoes. Cue me starting to think the same and saying in a bewildered tone over and over again: “but who would steal shoes?”

Several kindly other people commiserate whilst also looking a little baffled. I got the attention of a member of staff, lovely guy who looked in his late teens. He looks astonished but very kindly offers to get a master key and check a few of the locked ones near to mine.

DH is triple checking the changing room we were in, toddler and baby now both crying (they were toddler’s fave paw patrol trainers). I’m wondering how on Earth we’re going to get home as we don’t drive.

Staff member opens a few neighbouring lockers but no joy. Shoes have vanished. We go up into the canteen area barefoot and DH starts getting ready to run the half hour walk home and back with spare shoes for us. I keep saying to the poor staff member that I can’t believe someone stole shoes (getting angry). It’s around this point that I have an awful, dawning realisation.

I’d actually put all our stuff in a different locker right down the other end at first but then realised it didn’t lock. So I’d obviously moved all our stuff to a different one and just left the shoes there. Very quietly and shamefaced I went back to check and yup! There they were.

I blame it all on the baby brain but I felt so incredibly stupid. I just know the staff were giving me pitying looks and rightly so. DH pissed himself laughing.

Any other stupid stories to make me feel better?

Probably recently when under influence of dental anaesthetic, picked up a pair of ladders that had been dumped and carried them home. No one told me that dental anesthetic and concussion don't mix.

There's a thread in classics where a woman walked into her bedroom with a book and a bowl of soup, carefully placed the book on the table and flung the soup on the bed.

I was actually in pain from laughing 😂

Walked to the shop with the dog and buddy. Tied dog up and walked home after the shop without the dog

Someone actually did that near me. Poor chihuahua had been left for over an hour outside a shop. I saw her as I went up town and she was still there on the way back. Announcements over the shop tannoy got no response so I took her home and contacted the dog warden.

Poor woman came to the house hours later hysterical. She had forgotten the dog was tied up and went home after a few hours. Only realised the dog was gone when she got home.

She was over the moon we had taken her home and looked after her

I just rang my husband crying because the car had been stolen turns out he just drove it to work instead of getting the train today 

Done a million stupid things but this one always sticks in my head for the sheer idiotic memory malfunction.

Went into the bank and asked to speak to someone about my mortgage. Short conversation with receptionist, all very pleasant, told to take a seat etc. Five minutes or so later a lovely woman arrives, introduces herself and proceeds to escort me upstairs to the third floor for a chat. Half way up in the lift I think "Fuck! My mortgage isn't with this bank. I moved it elsewhere years ago." So I suddenly confess to my error and wish the ground would swallow me up.

That was one awkward and slow journey back down to the ground floor.

Made creme brulee , melting the sugar under the grill, it was bubbling a hot.
I decided ( Why?) to touch the burning hot sugar with my finger , then put the burning finger in my mouth.

So - a blister on my finger tip and on my lip
I should not be allowed out .

Earlier this year I had a pair of ankle boots with zips you undid to take them off.

I wore them to drive to a place where I was going to go for a run and when I got out of the car, started to take them off to put my trainers on. I took one boot off but couldn't get the zip to move on the other one.

It was absolutely stuck. DH came to help, couldn't help either. Asked a bystander who couldn't help, but did have a big pair of scissors so managed to cut through leather to release me from the boot.

At which point we realised the boots had zips both sides and we'd been trying to pull down the wrong one. I had been wearing the boots for a while. And it wasn't just me, it was my husband and the bystander too!

They were nice boots too :(

Stacked up a load of cardboard boxes to stand on when I couldn't find a ladder... I mean I knew they would collapse but I was hopeful... They collapsed. Much pain

When I was younger my dad was complaining his razor was blunt. So I went upstairs to test it by running my thumb down the blade. It wasn't that blunt. Worried I'd get into trouble I wrapped it in loads of toilet roll, stuck my head round the door saying I was popping out to call for my friend then came back a few minutes later saying I'd tripped and cut my thumb on some glass in the street. 

Booked my car into one garage for a service and took it to another one the night before. Absolute panic when I phoned garage Inhad booked it into for an update and they said "it's no here".

Yesterday was making a cup of tea for DH and had poured a glass of wine for me. Poured milk into the wine instead of the tea. As I was doing it I knew something was wrong, but couldn't quite figure out what.

Text my sister to tell her she'd left her phone at mine.

Left my phone in the freezer for about a week.

Also after swimming with a toddler and baby - I'd got a lock from reception with a £5 deposit to lock the pram to a metal bar. After swimming couldn't find the key anywhere and found out I had a hole in my jacket pocket. I searched for about 20 minutes with 6 month old and 2 year old being surprisingly well behaved for once. Two lifeguards helped and moved all sorts of heavy things about to have a good look. Eventually we gave up, but they had nothing to break the lock with so had to call the neighbouring college to ask their caretaker for something. Ended up with a tiny pair of pliers and a very strong man. After about 40 minutes and at least 4 people having a go it finally broke. Lost my fiver obvs. When I got home with the two bored and tired kids, I took my jeans off and the key fell out.

My sleep deprived husband had a drop of water on his t-shirt near his nipple and thought he was sympathy lactating.

Most idiotic is definitely marrying my stbexh. Funniest, texting my daughter to call me as I couldn't find my phone

Some of these are INCREDIBLE!!!!

Last summer I took my dog for a wonderful, long walk. An hour away from the car it started to get quite hot actually so we turned back. We arrive at the car sweltering from the unexpected heat and...i can’t find my keys. We have to retrace our steps and end up having an additional hour of walking before I give up as we are too hot. AFTER we return to the car i decide to ask in the car park cafe...keys had been there for hours as I had dropped them right next to the fucking car. Fml we were both so hot and thirsty.

On a night out with my sister after copious 2 4 1 cocktails. We ended up arguing (as only sisters can) and she stormed off whilst holding my bag with my money, phone, cards etc in.

I called my mum in tears Cos I couldn't get a taxi home, kept sobbing down the phone that she had taken my phone so I couldn't phone a taxi.

My mum said "so how are you calling me then..?"

Erm.... it was in my hand!

The phone in the hand seems a common one - I’ve done that as well!

Also stapled my thumb and had to use a staple remover to get it out, blood everywhere.

@cricketmum84 - I wish I’d seen that thread about the soup on the bed! I’ve done something similar with a cup of tea. It didn’t end well.

Lots...

When I was pregnant and living with a housemate, I booked my car in for a service. Was running late, so flew out the house with my dog and had a lovely leisurely walk back. I was gone about an hour. Got back to the house, on a main road, to find that I’d left the front door wide open with my sleeping housemate inside

I took DS to A Day Out With Thomas when he was about 16 months old. I’d never been to that particular town before and it was so busy. I drove around for about ten minutes looking for a parking space and eventually found one on the corner of the busy main road, in a tourist town during the school holidays, on the day of a big attraction. Went to the station, had a lovey time with DS, came back to the car four hours later and nearly cried because I couldn’t find my keys in my bag/pocket/pram... only to find that I had left them on the top of the car the whole time

I’m sure there’s more...

Oh!! At work - about 8 years ago my boss asked me to send out mail shots to all our previous guests. He asked me if I knew how to blind copy the addresses - I said yes. I didn’t and just sent the emails out as cc. The next few weeks were spent saying sorry to some very angry people

OOh I have another one. Had a long argument with Child Health about vaccines for my newborn. He apparently didn't exist on their system. Cue me 'He most certainly exists and you sent me a letter blah blah..'
Finally had to apologise I got his birthday wrong!! I was so embarrassed.

Many but this sticks in my memory..

When I was younger, about 7 (so in the 80's) my family were all off to Ireland for a holiday - flying from Heathrow I think. Went through passports - all fine, but then when we got to the security checking, the alarms went off when my mums bag went through. They searched her bag and found a gun. Alarms went off, we were ushered into a side room, we heard people saying "they have a gun". I remember my parents being interviewed and we had to hang about for ages waiting. Turns out it was one of my toy potato guns. We waited at the conveyor belt area and saw my lonesome potato gun with a tag on it going round and round. Couldn't collect it as it would have been a problem trying to get it through the airport on our way home again (plus I think we were all too embarrassed!). Shame as I loved that potato gun 

When I go out with my mum usually I drive. This particular day she drove.

We went shopping the got back to HER car. We proceeded to get it the car... She automatically got in the passenger seat and I automatically got in the drivers seat.

I only realised that we were in the wrong seats when the car key for my car wouldn't go in to her ignition!!!

When I was a teenager, it was my first visit to a friend's house. She got some ice cubes out to make us a drink with (I'd never actually had them) and I had the urge to lick them, whilst they were still in the tray. My tongue got stuck, my friend was pissing herself too much so I had to go and see her parents so they could help me. They were also pissing their selves. I bumped into them as an adult. They remembered me.

At uni I'd never used an electric hob so didn't know if it was hot. I decided the only way to find out was to put my hand on it. Yeah, it was hot. When I moved into my first flat, it had an electric hob. I didn't know if it was hot. Yep, I put my hand on it to find out. It was. Put the iron on once, didn't know if it was hot.....you see where this is going. I don't bloody learn. I also accidently picked up my curling wand by the wrong end because I bent down without looking at what end I was reaching for. I'm surprised I've still got finger prints.

A little while ago I drove DCs to school, bumped into a mum a know who was walking to the shops which are by my house so I walked home with her, only to realise my car was still at school.

Ooh another one I’ve just thought of. During a driving lesson I tried to go round to the right.

Obviously I didn’t see all the other cars travelling in the same direction as a clue. My instructor almost had a heart attack. I suppose it’s no wonder I haven’t passed my test yet...

I don’t know if it’s poor form to tell someone else’s story but... a friend of mine went into a sauna with a friend of hers when they were both about 14. When they tried to leave they found that the door wouldn’t open. They started to panic thinking that they were going to cook to death. They started screaming, kicking and shoulder-barging the door so hard that they apparently damaged it quite badly. Then eventually someone heard them and came to find them... and pushed the door open.

They had been trying to push the door instead of pulling it

Oh I’ve thought of another one!

I went to the DVD rental place (remember those?) and rented a copy of Clueless to watch with some friends. Got home, friends all sat in front of the TV, pressed play on the DVD player... and the menu for Dirty Dancing came up. I was annoyed but the DVD place was only around the corner so I popped the DVD in the box and ran back up there.

Got there and huffed at the guy that he’d given me the wrong DVD. He opened the box and said ‘Weird. Clueless is in here, but there’s a copy of Dirty Dancing too. Oh well, thanks for bringing it back!’ Slightly embarrassing as I’ve kept all my friends waiting while I return the extra DVD when we actually had Clueless all along, but never mind.

A couple of days later, my flatmate asks ‘has anyone seen my Dirty Dancing DVD? I’m sure it was in the DVD player...’