To ask what the stupidest thing you’ve ever done is?

[Wineandpyjamas]

I’m sure there have been threads like this before but here goes.

A few days ago me and DH took our DCs swimming. DCs are 3 and 5 months.

Get changed, get in pool, everything fine. We get out and DH takes charge of the baby while I get toddler dressed. All going well until I realise I haven’t picked our shoes up from the locker. I go to get them and lo and behold - no shoes! I stood there for a good few seconds just staring. It was definitely our locker but completely empty. I check the neighbouring ones just in case, but no.

DH comes out and I tell him what’s happened. He can’t believe it. I can’t either. Toddler is starting to cry as she thinks someone’s stolen her shoes. Cue me starting to think the same and saying in a bewildered tone over and over again: “but who would steal shoes?”

Several kindly other people commiserate whilst also looking a little baffled. I got the attention of a member of staff, lovely guy who looked in his late teens. He looks astonished but very kindly offers to get a master key and check a few of the locked ones near to mine.

DH is triple checking the changing room we were in, toddler and baby now both crying (they were toddler’s fave paw patrol trainers). I’m wondering how on Earth we’re going to get home as we don’t drive.

Staff member opens a few neighbouring lockers but no joy. Shoes have vanished. We go up into the canteen area barefoot and DH starts getting ready to run the half hour walk home and back with spare shoes for us. I keep saying to the poor staff member that I can’t believe someone stole shoes (getting angry). It’s around this point that I have an awful, dawning realisation.

I’d actually put all our stuff in a different locker right down the other end at first but then realised it didn’t lock. So I’d obviously moved all our stuff to a different one and just left the shoes there. Very quietly and shamefaced I went back to check and yup! There they were.

I blame it all on the baby brain but I felt so incredibly stupid. I just know the staff were giving me pitying looks and rightly so. DH pissed himself laughing.

Any other stupid stories to make me feel better?

I have done something similar to you, OP, except that it was my own shoes and to this day I have no idea where they went! I was also at the swimming pool and when I opened my locker at the end of my swim... no shoes.

I looked all over the place, asked about six different staff members to check back of house for me, wandered around asking random strangers if they’d seen them... nope, nothing.

I had to walk home in my socks. Luckily they were just crappy cheap plimsolls that I didn’t really like. But the mystery still drives me mad!

I got into a total panic because I couldn't find my six month old mindee. I was holding him!

Spent all day kicking off at school because my glasses had been “stolen” (I was about 14). Went to all my teacher plus head of year, deputy and head. Head asks “are they the same male as the ones on your head?” Yes, i’d had them pushed up on my head all day!

Drove to a hospital appointment for DD (5) having been up half the night with DS (2). Found legal parking near hospital (not always easy), had appointment and returned to car by a slightly different route. Except the car was not there. I walked the length of the street, all spaces full of cars, one of them mine. That's when I saw a big yellow sign warning that this was a high vehicle crime area and decided the car had been stolen.

Took DD home in Uber while DH phoned police - who, fortunately as it turned out, were not that interested though obviously they logged it. I told a few people at school what had happened after dropping DD off. Walked home and started to think about how very very unlikely it was that thieves would steal our old and rather battered Golf on a fairly busy street in broad daylight. Then I wondered if there might be a very similar-looking parallel street where I had actually left the car. Checked Google maps, realised there was, rushed there to find the car without so much as a parking ticket. I felt like such a fool but it also helped me to realise how affected I was by lack of sleep.

none of the mine!

I have done many stupid things. More than once I've walked home from work only to see no car on the drive and realise I drove to work.
Recently I went to work and left the front door open, with the keys in the lock. Neighbour had noticed after I'd left and was worried I'd collapsed in the house, so she'd been in to check. She suggested she have my mobile number in case I do the same again.

I once drove to the tip, on my own, emptied the car of crap, then got back in to the passenger side of the car to wait for DH. I was getting impatient (and angry), and it took about 5 minutes for me to realise that he hadn't come with me, at which point I had to sheepishly get into the drivers seat and take myself home.

Went to an interview with the right company but in the wrong city. Unsurprisingly they had never heard of me.

ILoveGroot you win, that really did make me lol!

I have also got the bus home and then realised I drove there.

My best baby brain one was looking in the fridge for my sunglasses - and finding them.

Came out of flat one morning and car wasn't parked in usual spot. Called police to report it stolen, hungover all details lovely policeman asked me to confirm when I'd last seen it "yesterday, when I dropped it at garage for MOT". He laughed a lot....

I was 9 months pregnant, arrived back home from a quick visit to the supermarket just in time for my parents to visit when I realised I couldn't find the key to let us in. I looked everywhere and was in tears when my df kindly offered to do a 40 mile round trip to dh's work to fetch the other house key whilst I took dm to the garden centre for a coffee. We went back to my house yet again to meet df with the key

I was talking to one of my clients, I started to say call and then I said knock instead. Just came out as cock.

Excellent.

I realise clients sound dodgy, it was childcare not anything raunchy!

Pressed post to soon! Sorry! So got back with new key, went indoors, made a cuppa, sat at the table with my parents and my house key fell out of the top pocket of my shirt! Thankfully my dparents took it well, but they were worried about my BP!

These are all brilliant! They do make me feel a lot better

@lisasimpsonsaxophone - how weird! Maybe vanishing shoes happens a lot at swimming pools? I’m glad I found ours in the end as apart from averting a toddler meltdown they were really nice pumps I’d just got from Clarks!

I tore the house apart looking for the TV remote once, only for DH to find it in the fridge. I was 8 months pregnant, though, so that's clearly to blame...

Woke up in the night. Half asleep I couldn't find my phone.
Picked up a phone and attempted to ring my phone. Gave up fell asleep again.
Woke up in the morning holding my phone. Realised I had been using my phone to RING my phone. Ho ho what a plum!
Noticed I had a number of missed calls on my mobile from a familiar number around the early hours.
Panicked as it could be a family member in trouble and proceeded to ring the aforementioned number.
Took about thirty seconds before I realised how catastrophically dim I was being...

Shutting my head in the car door ranks pretty high.

I was leaving my friend's house at stupid o'clock after a weekend away, and after I got in the car I realised I'd left my sunglasses on the bonnet. I opened the door, reached through the gap and grabbed them, and slammed the door just a nanosecond before I got my head back inside.

I drove from Huddersfield to Croydon with a bloody awful headache and a bump on both sides of my head.

When I was pregnant, I got out some birthday cards, wrote in them and then got myself ready to go to mums to deliver them.

Went to get them and couldn’t find them. Looked everywhere and I was in tears because I couldn’t find them.

Yep, I had only put them back in the drawer I had got them out of. My dh nearly wet himself

Was holding a guinea pig and told her "let's get you a carrot from the fridge", and somehow, I grabbed the carrot and just as I was about to close the door of the fridge, I realised I HAD PUT THE GUINEA PIG IN THE FRIDGE!!!!! Thank God I realised before I closed the door and walked away. My poor piggie was bewildered but thankfully unhurt. I had been unwell when this happened and my head very muzzy. I am really careful now to take my meds before picking up or feeding the guinea pigs.

I recently had a wave of panic when I couldn't see my 2yr old next to me - then after spinning round a few times looking for her I remembered she was in the pushchair that I was pushing

I bounced a cheque on someone I'd done about £15k of web/design work for, and he never paid me. Hence bouncing the cheque at his travel agency (for £1200). Got landed in court and left with a criminal record. Was only a teen too.

@mozartvanbeethoven I actually laughed out loud at that.

Stupidest thing I ever did was allowing the woman who waxed my eyebrows (in a pop up shop in tescos) to do eyebrow tattoo (in the same place!) and she didn't know what she was doing and ended up completely fucking it up.

Looking in the mirror when I got home was the worst feeling ever.

She wasn't even licensed... I reported her and got her banned.

Managed to find someone to do a reverse tattoo (saline injection) and re do it but it took a few months and was v stressful!

These are brilliant I love the searching for mobile using torch from said mobile!

The other day I was carrying a VERY dirty nappy (think poo explosion) straight to the outside bin with my phone in the other hand. I opened the lid and for some reason threw my phone in the bin and carried the nappy back into the house. Only when I went to send a message as I sat down did I twig. Retrieving the phone was an extremely unpleasant experience given how far down it had fallen