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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let big brother warn off bully

115 replies

AFOLNerd · 17/10/2018 10:44

Dd has just started high school and is having a pretty hard time of it. She has a medical condition which has caused deformities to her hands and feet. One particularly vile boy in her form has been tormenting her about it. He has been spoken to by the school more that once and still continues.
Last night she came home in tears because after school this little brat had chased her across the field shouting at anyone who would listen to “come and look at these fucked up hands, her feet are like it too” “what the fuck is wrong with you”

Her big brother is at the school, he is a 6 foot year 10 and he wants to have a word and tell him to back off. He has promised me he won’t do today unless he witnesses something. I trust him completely that he wouldn’t lay a finger on this kid, it would just be an “I’m watching you, stay away from my sister” kind of thing. But obviously I don’t want him getting in trouble.

I have emailed her form tutor and told them all this and that this kid needs to be stopped before Ds steps in to defend her.

If the school don’t stop this boy Aibu to let Ds have a word?

OP posts:

LagunaBubbles · 17/10/2018 12:13

Hope today is OK for her OP, what a horrible wee bully he sounds. I'm sick of schools and their attitudes to bullies now.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/10/2018 12:14

But apparently it’s ok for him to be mean to her but not anyone else!

This, my friend, is a perfectly healthy and loving sibling relationship!

Tinkobell · 17/10/2018 12:17

Good grief. So sorry to hear this for your gorgeous lovely DD. The bully should just be excluded, he's a disgrace. Give her tonnes of hugs and I'd just do everything to get that bully turfed out actually.

PattiStanger · 17/10/2018 12:18

I wouldn't even bother waiting, no harm in a two pronged approach but tell your DS to make sure the bully can't turn things around on him. His threatening needs to be subtle and deniable

CaledonianQueen · 17/10/2018 12:20

Definitely let him, my brother had to do the same for me, I am autistic and was being bullied horrendously by all of the boys in my year group, my brother is actually a year younger, but very tall and broad shouldered. Being so tall, he had to learn to fight early and had proven himself a more than capable fighter against boys several years older.

The biggest instigator made the mistake of ridiculing me when my brother was stood behind him (he clearly had no idea that we were related) in the lunch queue. My brother took him by the throat, pushed him against the wall and lifted him a foot into the air, telling him that Nobody ridicules his sister and if he ever caught him or anyone else bullying me again they would live to regret it. He then made him apologise to me. I never heard another peep out of any of the boys in my year, other than several boys who shame facedly apologised for their behaviour.

My brother actually apologised later for not intervening earlier. I would never have expected my brother to do that, he was a year younger and was tormented enough for having a ‘weird’ sister. I was and am incredibly grateful for him defending me! It actually strengthened our relationship and we are very close twenty years later.

I would let your son deal with it, in fact he would have been better just dealing with it rather than telling you. Unfortunately, bullies don’t listen to teachers and will continue to ridicule their victims unless a peer will step in. As long as your ds is in no danger and he doesn’t do anything that would get him in trouble with the police, he honestly is the best person to sort out this bullying.

muttleydosomething · 17/10/2018 12:29

Your DS would be doing totally the right thing by stepping in - and the bully would actually take notice.

I am disgusted at what's happening and that bully should at the very least be suspended after what you have reported.

WickedGoodDoge · 17/10/2018 12:30

I certainly would and would recommend having a couple of witnesses about. It’s the sort of thing that would probably land my DS with a detention if he did it for DD and a complaint was made, but he’d be OK with that as would I.

Tara336 · 17/10/2018 12:33

My brother was bullied at school, I dealt with it by humiliating the bully in front of everyone. He never touched my brother or anyone else again. sometimes it’s the only way

Tinklewinkle · 17/10/2018 12:41

I certainly would and would recommend having a couple of witnesses about

Yes, definitely. He needs to be careful what he says - no overt threats, shouting or swearing that could land him in trouble.

My DD1’s teacher called me to say how impressed she was with how diplomatically DD1 handled it - the girls involved did report DD but when they were asked exactly DD had done a ‘dirty look’ was the best they could come up with

Henryismyfriend · 17/10/2018 13:02

DS and mates could try shame the boy with a sort of "You know bullying someone is just sad don't you? It's not cool at all" and then a quieter closer word of "And that's my little sister you're bullying....." Just so if pulled DS can state that as older pupils they witnessed bullying and stepped in to stop it 'reasonably' with 'guidence' to the younger pupil. A little bit of shadowing this kid where he is at breaks etc by a group of 6ft year 10s who just happen to be there may drive the message home.

Blobby10 · 17/10/2018 13:14

Let your DS sort it if he will - definitely no need to get physical - a tall Year 10 just standing over a Year 7 will make the bully quake in his boots!

My DS did this for his sister when she moved into secondary school aged 14 (year 10). Year 11 boy took her rugby ball away and started playing with it - big brother (Year 12, 6ft 5 and solid) came over with his mate (6ft 4 and twice as solid ) and literally towered over the ball thief, said in very quiet voice 'Give the ball back now and leave them alone'. Ball handed back, boy never gave DD a bit of bother

CallMePea · 17/10/2018 13:16

I would.
I'm two school years older than my brother and I had to similar when he was getting bullied for something. The bullying soon stopped.

StrangeLookingParasite · 17/10/2018 13:47

because a 16 year old should NOT be beating up / intimidating 11 year olds and any school should come down on this like a ton of bricks.

Yeah, poor, poor bullies and their bullying shit.
God I am sick to the back teeth of people making excuses for these little shitheads, especially when the school has been absolutely useless in their handling of it. As usual.
I got hideously bullied for years, beaten up regularly, no-one did a thing. Now there's more empty rhetoric about bullying not being acceptable, but they're still not doing a fucking thing.

QuizzlyBear · 17/10/2018 13:59

I'm so sorry OP, your daughter shouldn't have to put up with that shit. The school are really letting her down if they're not hauling the kid over hot coals and making it obvious that it ends now.

Regarding your Q though - I had 3 older brothers at high school and they stepped in whenever someone crossed the line with me. If your DS is sensible then let him put the frighteners on the horrible child!

golddustwomen · 17/10/2018 14:00

God yes!! Little fucker needs a talking too by the sounds of it. Makes me worry for the future when my two are in senior school, kids are so bloody mean!

BarbarianMum · 17/10/2018 14:01

If either of my sons ever behaved in the way described in the OP I would be delighted if some big Y10 intimidated them. They'd deserve it utterly.

sashh · 17/10/2018 14:09

Something along the lines of, "anything you say of do to my sister is going to happen to you and your

It's not a threat if he's not doing anything.

CrochetBelle · 17/10/2018 14:10

Absolute little fucker. Yeah I'd give him the go-ahead.

Fluffyears · 17/10/2018 14:31

Or keep your son out of it, give me the details and i’ll go and give the little piece of shit a slap. I don’t condone violence but sometimes it really is the only language that works! He is actually not really a step up from a single cell really. I was bullied for a facial disfigurement but i’m tall and mouthy so managed to sort it myself.

CupMug · 17/10/2018 15:11

My eldest lad did this for my middle lad. I knew nothing about it until afterwards so didn’t give any advice. All the eldest said was a polite ‘please can you stop irritating my brother’. No aggression or intimidation was needed at all. Problem solved.

I’d suggest a polite word in the first instance. With witnesses.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 17/10/2018 15:15

Couldn’t say yes enough.

Polarbearflavour · 17/10/2018 15:17

I was being bulllied at school by a nasty lad. I had enough and punched him one day. He broke his nose. Never had any bother from anybody ever again.

I daresay that would be assualt now!

Toofle · 17/10/2018 16:17

Polarbearflavour, a slight quibble .. you punched him but he broke his nose?

GiraffeObsessedBaby · 17/10/2018 19:03

I'm the eldest with two younger brothers. Despite being a short very nerdy very quiet kid I became a fucking lion when people tried to bully my brothers. I didn't wait for permission I made it damned clear they were to be left alone.

One such bully who tried it on with my middle brother was promptly told by me and then emboldened by that my middle brother stuck up for himself. Said bully who was well known to schools suddenly changed. He spent the rest of his school career actually helping us look out for our youngest brother who seems to attract bullies.

ScreechOwlx · 17/10/2018 19:31

My brother used to do this for me when i was bullied :) but he didnt stop at words! He actually slammed one vile little cretin head first into a row of lockers..left a marvellous dent in them too! 😂 after that no one said a bad word to me, my mum was very proud of him! But when he left id learned from the best to fend for myself ;)

Id let him talk to the bully as a warning, but if he carries on! Let him beat him up :) your girl has her own body guard! It isnt pleasant being bullied :(

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