To not give up my second job despite dh request

[Redleafblower]

Name changed.

Disclaimers/pre-empting.

1. I know some of you will think this is gross. My post isn't about that.
2. I consider it a business and comply with everything that entails. I describe it as selling second hand clothes.
3. It's through a third party site so I'm only known by my username. They don't know any of my real details and will never meet me or have private contact details.
4. Only my husband knows irl.

A few years back I started selling my used knickers as a second job. We needed the money and although he was very reluctant, my dh agreed. I didn't ask his permission as such but I wanted his ok.

It's been slow but I've built up a good client base. Although it doesn't bring in a fortune and we no longer need the money, it is good for frivolities. Last year it paid for a holiday and a few day trips etc. It certainly helps us have things we wouldn't otherwise. To me, it's easy money.

My dh has decided he wants me to stop because he doesn't like it. I don't see the issue, it's not his thing but everyone has their own kinks. He wouldn't have an issue if I worked in Ann Summers or whatever. There's a market for it, and it's very little effort for my part and has zero impact on anyone else.

If I stopped my regulars would go somewhere else and there's been a big increase in people doing this so it would be tough to build it back up if I decided to go back to it.

I think we would miss the money.

I've not refused but I pointed out the benefits and that it doesn't affect him and no one knows. I'm descreet about it and I don't have dirty underwear lying around around or anything like that. All he sees is the packages ready to post. He doesn't even see me wrap them. They don't smell. He does sometimes help me with sorting out the financial aspect.

So who is being unreasonable, dh for asking me to stop something which doesn't negatively impact on him at all or am I not respecting his wishes over a bit of a weird subject?

That was long. Sorry.

I think that your H has every reason to feel a little more than weird about strangers wanking over his wife's used pants!

I think YABU. I would not like it if my partner was doing this either, particularly if there was no financial need for it.

It's your right to do with your body or clothing whatever you want, but I think that a job in the sex industry, even a "removed" level job like this, would be a deal breaker for me with a partner. I mean no disrespect to you or to other people on here in the sex industry, but I see where your DH is coming from, and if you respect him, you should respect his feelings on this.

Its just grim really isnt it

Maybe. But he had no issues enjoying the holiday those strangers paid for.

I don't think he's being unreasonable. Even though it's anonymous, it's a lot more personal than working in Ann summers.

I think he's being unreasonable when he was fine with it before. What changed his mind?

I see your DH's point tbh, OP. I agree with RTFT

He's not being unreasonable.

Even though there's nothing wrong with the job, and I can see why you'd do it, I think it's a lot to expect a partner to be ok with. If you're in a true partnership then you both have to consider how the other person feels about anything. How would you feel if he did something for anonymous women on the internet to get off too, and refused to stop if you were uncomfortable?

Difficult one cause I understand why he doesn't like it but also he was fine with it before when the money was needed so I don't know if he can really choose to disagree with it now.
I suppose it is your choice but I would sit and think about it from his pov. It's a bit nasty to think of some guys wanking over his wife's used knickers..... also doesn't it cost you a lot in underwear?

I can see his point really!

Must be lovely knowing your wife is sending he used knickers to men so they can wank over them.

You also can’t compare it to Ann summers, the staff don’t put the vibrations in vaginas or wear the underwear before selling it so it is very different

It is grim. He isn't being at all unreasonable. But neither are you, OP!

You found a niche way to relieve your family finances.

It is supporting all sorts of disgusting behaviours, objectifying women etc etc. You are, essentially, working in the sex industry.

What would you lose if you stopped? Just holidays or would bills go unpaid? Would he leave over it?

Have you had a proper discussion about it or has it just been sentences thrown at each other?

Good luck sorting it all out!

You don’t need the money. You’re in a better financial position.... so why carry on? It’s seedy.

It’s a bit different when needs must!

OP already said some of you will think it's gross so what's the point in saying it?! She doesn't care for goodness sake

I don't think he is being unreasonable, however if he was fine with it before and enjoyed the holidays etc that came with it, what's different now? I also don't think you're unreasonable as if you've got regulars and can do it, why not? It's a growing market and whilst it's not the most pleasant of businesses it can bring in a lot of money

well thanks for that @SerenDippyEggs
OP already said some of you will think it's gross so what's the point in saying it?! She doesn't care for goodness sake thank goodness the MN Police are on the case, part of why MNers think OP is BU, is because it is gross

I wouldn't care if a partner did this but I think he's entitled to feel uncomfortable. He can't control whether you carry on or not though, so YANBU.

You're very welcome @Tahani all in a day's work 🚨

I don't think he's being unreasonable.

I get your position though. It's easy money. From your posts, you seem to be able to dissociate yourself from the sordid realities. If you were single, I'd say that's entirely fair enough.

But you aren't and you making money in the sex industry is very much his business too.

He's not comfortable with it, so you owe it to him to stop.

I don't understand the problem with you - you are literally sending out used pants to people and they pay?

They don't then engage in conversation about their wanky birthday with your knickers do they?

You don't know them and they don't know you - once the pants have left the house what does it matter to anybody what somebody does with them?

I buy a lot of things on ebay and I stumbled across used knickers on there - never knew such a thing existed - also lots of used tights too!

I would have a problem with my DH doing phone sex etc but if he sent his used boxers out to somebody to have fun with I can't see it being an issue?

So your reasoning is that he didn’t mind it when you needed the money/went on holiday/enjoyed spare cash but he does mind now you don’t need the money? It’s probably because he doesn’t understand why his wife enjoy sending her used pants to strangers to dump their load over.

It’s no longer necessary is it?

Sounds like you have a good business going on and your DP wants to have his cake and eat it. I personally would stick to my guns: what you’re doing isn’t hurting anyone.

I don't think either of you are BU but what changed his mind? He was fine until you no longer need the extra cash? I think he is being a bit hypocritical.

Just keep doing it and don't tell him? Surely he can't be too mad if he's accepting the money to pay for things- and who doesn't want to have extra money for treats?

Though I have no idea why anyone would want someone's dirty knickers

How much do people pay per knicker? I'm wondering how many you had to sell to get a holiday

How much do you make? Asking for a friend