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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give up my second job despite dh request

116 replies

Redleafblower · 16/10/2018 13:23

Name changed.

Disclaimers/pre-empting.

  1. I know some of you will think this is gross. My post isn't about that.
  2. I consider it a business and comply with everything that entails. I describe it as selling second hand clothes.
  3. It's through a third party site so I'm only known by my username. They don't know any of my real details and will never meet me or have private contact details.
  4. Only my husband knows irl.

A few years back I started selling my used knickers as a second job. We needed the money and although he was very reluctant, my dh agreed. I didn't ask his permission as such but I wanted his ok.

It's been slow but I've built up a good client base. Although it doesn't bring in a fortune and we no longer need the money, it is good for frivolities. Last year it paid for a holiday and a few day trips etc. It certainly helps us have things we wouldn't otherwise. To me, it's easy money.

My dh has decided he wants me to stop because he doesn't like it. I don't see the issue, it's not his thing but everyone has their own kinks. He wouldn't have an issue if I worked in Ann Summers or whatever. There's a market for it, and it's very little effort for my part and has zero impact on anyone else.

If I stopped my regulars would go somewhere else and there's been a big increase in people doing this so it would be tough to build it back up if I decided to go back to it.

I think we would miss the money.

I've not refused but I pointed out the benefits and that it doesn't affect him and no one knows. I'm descreet about it and I don't have dirty underwear lying around around or anything like that. All he sees is the packages ready to post. He doesn't even see me wrap them. They don't smell. He does sometimes help me with sorting out the financial aspect.

So who is being unreasonable, dh for asking me to stop something which doesn't negatively impact on him at all or am I not respecting his wishes over a bit of a weird subject?

OP posts:
PersonaNonGarter · 16/10/2018 14:25

Your DH is entitled to grow and change as a person. You should listen to the ‘new DH’ fairly and not just say ‘well, before you said it was fine’.

It isn’t fine now.

Pissedoffdotcom · 16/10/2018 14:26

Just had the discussion with dp...he wants to know if there is a market for bloke's boxers 😂😂

notapizzaeater · 16/10/2018 14:27

It s not hurting anyone but if he's really uncomfortable with it then I'd sit down with the finances and go through everything.

Can't imagine not having my comfy washed knickers everyday, is it like winning the lottery and having fresh sheets every day?

GrandTheftWalrus · 16/10/2018 14:29

I know someone who faked the dirty underwear and sold them on.

I'd do that. I wouldn't sell my actual underwear.

PatchworkGirl · 16/10/2018 14:30

If you're using your home address to run this business from then it's not completely anonymous so I can - sort of - see where he's coming from. I assume that you are running this legally, as a business - with your (business) address available to customers (consumer contracts regulations, eBay TOS etc.)?

Of course, if you're renting an address to use for this then this is obviously not an issue. In which case I am torn, tbh. I have considered selling in similar areas myself - but if he is genuinely uncomfortable, for whatever reason, then I can see his point too.

Conseulabananahammock · 16/10/2018 14:31

Must admit I was sorely tempted then quickly realised no-one wants Bridget Jones knickers 😂😂😂

fourquenelles · 16/10/2018 14:33

Reminds me of that scene in Shameless where they are all sitting in the pub squirting the gussets of cheap knickers with a sqeezy bottle full of wee (maybe dog?) before packaging them and sending them off. No need to wear them at all

GrandTheftWalrus · 16/10/2018 14:33

That's why I wouldn't sell my own Grin

Conseulabananahammock · 16/10/2018 14:34

Also.... If you need a laugh read the link above... I nearly weed when I read the words "I don't know how well shit would travel"

Topseyt · 16/10/2018 14:35

How utterly gross.

I'd be with your DH here. He probably thinks that you should have a bit more self respect.

As a matter of interest, how much do these wankers (pun intended) pay for this "service" that you are providing?

simplysecondnature · 16/10/2018 14:37

Are your pictures also on the site? I had a flatmate who did this at university and to make any profit on these sites the majority of people are putting up pictures of them wearing the underwear, its a form of sex work at the end of the day and I wouldn't be happy with dp doing it.

Conseulabananahammock · 16/10/2018 14:38

Wonders how much id get if dh modelled my underwear for pics ... misses point

IsBabyHereYet · 16/10/2018 14:39

Putting aside the fact that I personally think it's a bit gross and so unhygienic.

Your DH was ok with it before. He doesn't have a leg to stand on realistically now.

However if your finances are now secure then I would be understanding of my DH and that he didn't like it and would stop.

I also actually think you could do this job without 'actually' doing this job - if you see what I mean - how do people know they are worn...

Conseulabananahammock · 16/10/2018 14:43

I'm guessing they smell them isbabyhereyet
I may have just puked in my mouth writing that

Pissedoffdotcom · 16/10/2018 14:44

consuelabananahammock i'm currently doing a google search to see if there is any demand for bridget jones pants 😂 the variety available - and selling for £15-£20 a pair - seems vast!

EnglishRose13 · 16/10/2018 14:46

Which site do you use?

Conseulabananahammock · 16/10/2018 14:47

pissedoffdotcom sweet that's my holiday paid next year 🤣

glueandstick · 16/10/2018 14:48

And no more washing. Amazing.

GrandTheftWalrus · 16/10/2018 14:49

Hmm... I'm tempted now as I've a wedding to pay for!

Pissedoffdotcom · 16/10/2018 14:50

They seem to sell without sexy photos too...just put some random crap about going to the gym in them or something naughty 😂

The no more washing thing is selling it for me more than anything. Wonder if you can sell sweaty tee shirts 🤔

PortiaCastis · 16/10/2018 15:01

Yuk yuk yuk how crass selling your dirty drawers to perves is pretty awful in my book but then again if people are disgusting enough to sniff dirty gussets they deserve to be charged a few quid per crusty crotch

Tahani · 16/10/2018 15:06

crusty crotch hahaha

Cinnabunbun · 16/10/2018 15:14

Are you sure you don't get some kind of psychological lift out of it yourself? If you don't need the money then why bother?

BarbarianMum · 16/10/2018 15:17

Obviously he did have an issue with it or he wouldn't be asking you to stop now. I can see that this is the sort of thing you might have to trial for a while to see if you were OK with it or not.

Ultimately its up to you but I can see why he's not happy (gut reaction, logically I think its fine).

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