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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give up my second job despite dh request

116 replies

Redleafblower · 16/10/2018 13:23

Name changed.

Disclaimers/pre-empting.

  1. I know some of you will think this is gross. My post isn't about that.
  2. I consider it a business and comply with everything that entails. I describe it as selling second hand clothes.
  3. It's through a third party site so I'm only known by my username. They don't know any of my real details and will never meet me or have private contact details.
  4. Only my husband knows irl.

A few years back I started selling my used knickers as a second job. We needed the money and although he was very reluctant, my dh agreed. I didn't ask his permission as such but I wanted his ok.

It's been slow but I've built up a good client base. Although it doesn't bring in a fortune and we no longer need the money, it is good for frivolities. Last year it paid for a holiday and a few day trips etc. It certainly helps us have things we wouldn't otherwise. To me, it's easy money.

My dh has decided he wants me to stop because he doesn't like it. I don't see the issue, it's not his thing but everyone has their own kinks. He wouldn't have an issue if I worked in Ann Summers or whatever. There's a market for it, and it's very little effort for my part and has zero impact on anyone else.

If I stopped my regulars would go somewhere else and there's been a big increase in people doing this so it would be tough to build it back up if I decided to go back to it.

I think we would miss the money.

I've not refused but I pointed out the benefits and that it doesn't affect him and no one knows. I'm descreet about it and I don't have dirty underwear lying around around or anything like that. All he sees is the packages ready to post. He doesn't even see me wrap them. They don't smell. He does sometimes help me with sorting out the financial aspect.

So who is being unreasonable, dh for asking me to stop something which doesn't negatively impact on him at all or am I not respecting his wishes over a bit of a weird subject?

OP posts:
tarheelbaby · 16/10/2018 13:58

Wow! You can sell your used knickers and make enough over the year to go on a holiday ?! Why have I been going to the office all this time?
-misses-point-completely-

I can understand all the points above so can't offer any advice I'm afraid. It is seedy; it does feed into the sex industry BUT it's easy money which is making your lives better - either by paying bills or providing treats.

EmeraldVillage · 16/10/2018 13:58

Seriously?

I totally get why he is uncomfortable with it and in his shoes I would feel the same.

HollowTalk · 16/10/2018 14:00

This is exactly the moment for AF's line about the life of our dear queen Grin

serbska · 16/10/2018 14:00

I don't see what the problem is. They don't have any photos of you. They don;t know your name. They don't know you IRL.

They just get a pair of worn pants. That is odd (imo!) but pretty harmless.

Seems like easy money!

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 16/10/2018 14:01

I'd put it in the same category as sexting randoms off Tinder tbh.

Godowneasy · 16/10/2018 14:02

@adoggymama- I was just wondering the same thing!
misses point of thread

Bluelonerose · 16/10/2018 14:03

Op can you pm me the details pleased. I could use some extra money.

I don't see the issue personally. It's just the same as selling a pair of jeans.

ShalomJackie · 16/10/2018 14:05

I am just here for the delete message Grin

FlowThroughIt · 16/10/2018 14:05

I considered doing this when I needed money to get out of a bad marriage but ultimately it felt like I was selling a part of myself, like indirect prostitution, so I didn't do it.

I can see why it would bother your husband.

WizardOfToss · 16/10/2018 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HildaZelda · 16/10/2018 14:08

I don't see the problem personally. You're not meeting these people. They don't know your personal details or anything about you.
As you say, your DH had no problem having his holiday funded by the proceeds. He can't have his cake and eat it.
I seem to be going against the grain here OP but personally no, I think YANBU.

allinmyhead12 · 16/10/2018 14:09

Adoggymama - i too would like to know how much you get for sending off your pants LOL
do you buy nice ones or are they just any old ones???
If you dont want to put it on here message me lol, i genuinely need more details lol this sounds like the easiest way to make a bit of money with out anyone getting hurt.
In regards to your DH it is a bit odd that after all this time he would change his mind about it....mine would probably say yes do it...less for you to wear around the house LOL!!!!!!!!

myrtleWilson · 16/10/2018 14:12

Am intrigued by the logistics here... how many do you sell and at what price?
You must charge at some mark up to factor in cost of replacement knickers and enough profit to go on holiday.
What counts as "worn"? Presumably if people are happy with an hour you can go through quite a few....

Anyway with regard to DH I don't think he's unreasonable but has he articulated a reason why his view has changed

LaurieMarlow · 16/10/2018 14:12

It's just the same as selling a pair of jeans.

It quite obviously isn't. The fact that people are prepared to pay a premium for 'used' demonstrates that.

WildfirePonie · 16/10/2018 14:13

OP can you pm me info about this please? I would be interested in doing this!

Daffodil2018 · 16/10/2018 14:14

I don't think either of you are BU, but that said, I think you should stop now that he's asked you to. If you refuse he is going to feel more and more aggrieved about it over time and it will drive a wedge between you. Ultimately there are other ways to earn a bit of spare cash.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 16/10/2018 14:16

I can see why your DH is a bit unhappy but if I were him I would suck it up for the extra money! I certainly would if my DH were selling his boxers. It's not like they're wanking over YOU per se.

seventhgonickname · 16/10/2018 14:17

I don't see a problem either.Why has he changed his mind?

Bananalanacake · 16/10/2018 14:17

I think someone did a ama about this a while ago. Or was it shoes

Pissedoffdotcom · 16/10/2018 14:20

I'd be pissed with him tbh. He was okay with it to start with, clearly if the funds paid for holidays it wasn't literally a case of 'work or we starve' & i'm assuming he happily went on the holiday?

Had he said from the start 'no way' then you'd have been out of order starting. But he didn't. He can't all of a sudden have the arse ache about it especially if he is happily contributing to spending the funds

pacer142 · 16/10/2018 14:20

I hope you've been declaring your profits and paying tax on it.

outreach29 · 16/10/2018 14:21

All those wanting to do this - have a bit of pride in yourself and just don't.

I mean, really??

FleeceDetective · 16/10/2018 14:23

Is there any pictures of you on the site associated with the sale of your used knickers?

Hugglethatmuggle · 16/10/2018 14:23

Tell dh to wear the knickers instead then whos going to know Grin

greendale17 · 16/10/2018 14:25

You were desperate at the time so I could just let that go.

But now you want to continue for fun? I agree with your partner. Just feels like dirty money and I would want nothing to do with it.