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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WWYD BRIDESMAID COSTS

66 replies

Pinkclarko · 16/10/2018 08:45

Morning

I'm a bridesmaid soon. Been on mat pay for a while, have toddler nursery fees each month. Basically skint. I have to pay for dress hair and makeup myself as well as transport and accommodation(not in my home town). Got out of.hen do as its the weekend before and I can't do an overnight stay twice. This is all. Fine, been saving since I had the baby but my question is, would you get a gift too and if so how much would you budget? Won't be drinking as I just can't afford it! (also 20 birthdays that month including my elder daughter!) thanks all

OP posts:

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 16/10/2018 08:48

I think its a bit cheeky that you're having to pay to have your hair and makeup done. If you can I'd be doing both myself. I also think you should only pay for your dress if you've chosen it and its something you can wear again. I'd be giving a card as you've already contributed more than enough, its their wedding and you've had to spend a fortune!

Ginger1982 · 16/10/2018 08:49

Wow, I paid for my bridesmaids dresses and hair and make up. That's pretty shit.

mrss2018 · 16/10/2018 08:51

I think that's a lot to expect you to pay!!
I paid for the dresses and hair and bought the make up as a gift for them both. They came on my hen do abroad and spent 2 nights at the hotel we got married in (I paid for one as she couldn't afford to stay the night before).
They did get us gifts but I didn't expect them to. Maybe just get them a small token gift?

serbska · 16/10/2018 08:51

Would I fuck be buying a gift.

Your gift is the time, effort and money you have spent to support your friend.

People who don't pay for their bridesmaid dresses have a special little place in hell reserved IMO.

SnuggyBuggy · 16/10/2018 08:53

It's very tacky to not pay for your bridesmaids dresses unless you are ok with them just wearing something they already own

Zippetydoodahzippetyay · 16/10/2018 08:54

I wouldnt get a gift. I paid for my bridesmaids dresses, jewellery and hair, they just paid to have their makeup done and travel costs (which for 2 of them were just a taxi fare). The bridesmaid who travelled from another state didnt get a present and I wasnt at all worried - she had put a lot of effort and expense into coming and i would have much rather her snd no present than a present and not having her there. And would have hated to think I had put her in a difficult financial situation.

Original poster

Pinkclarko · 16/10/2018 08:56

Thanks all. She's not from the UK so not sure if things are done differently where she's from. Not taking megabucks, entire budget probably 400 tops but probably discounts drinking and a gift really. Sigh! Need to think about a token gift idea then. Thank you

OP posts:

Berthatydfil · 16/10/2018 08:56

Unless it’s totally your choice of dress it’s very u to expect you to pay.
Hair and makeup - I’m on the fence.
If you’re good at doing your own make up then that’s a waste of your money and hair - if it’s an bride imposed style then again v u of the bride to expect you to pay.
So I wouldn’t be giving them a gift.

ShirleyPhallus · 16/10/2018 08:59

I’d tell the bride I was going my own hair and make up

Fuck paying someone to make you look like a clown (as bridal make up artists so often do)

sparklyfee · 16/10/2018 09:00

20 birthdays? 😳 how on earth can you have 20 birthdays to buy for in a month. That's a lot even for a year unless you are one of the Radford family

Willow2017 · 16/10/2018 09:02

Like hell would i pay out £400 for the 'privilege' of being someone's bridesmsid.
I paid everything for mine and when i was a bm i didnt pay for anything.

What a damm cheek!
Give them a card. and an bill for £400

WhirlyGigWhirlyGig · 16/10/2018 09:02

So it's now a thing where brides don't actually pay for all costs for their bridesmaids? When did that start happening?

PoliticalBiscuit · 16/10/2018 09:08

Like the old Irish saying goes:

"How do you get to X?"
"Well, you wouldn't start from here "

In your shoes I wouldn't have got that far into a commitment and spends, but I would still feel like I had to get a gift. Is there any way you could get out of hair and make up if you were any way able to do them yourself?

Do you have a bottle of alcohol in the cupboard? That and a £1 gift bag and £1 card would be better I think. I'd just feel a little more comfortable knowing I had given something.

Winterbella · 16/10/2018 09:16

If they couldn't afford to have a bridesmaid they shouldn't be making you pay for it nah not happening

Inertia · 16/10/2018 09:16

Some friend the bride is - she knows you are skint but is making you pay to wear what she’s chosen?

You need to say that you’ll do your own hair and makeup , that’s a luxury you can’t afford.

Don’t give them any more money. Bottle of wine and a card shows willing. Or perhaps something homemade from the toddler

Aeroflotgirl · 16/10/2018 09:18

Very rude and cheeky of bride, brides pay for the dress, shoes, hair and accessories, make up etc. I would not have agreed to it if there had been all those costs. No I would not get her a gift, or get her a token gift.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/10/2018 09:19

Or stick £10 in card or £10-15 gift voucher and let that be done.

JingsMahBucket · 16/10/2018 09:19

Are people deliberately missing the post the OP made saying the bride isn't from the UK? It doesn't seem to be traditional where she's from to pay for all the bridesmaids' outfitting.

Deadringer · 16/10/2018 09:22

I am amazed at the amount of people who decide to have a dream wedding and have everyone else pay for it. Token personal gift is what I would do or perhaps a bottle of champagne.

onalongsabbatical · 16/10/2018 09:23

Do you actually want to do it at all? Saying no is an option. Can't say you sound keen.

Loopytiles · 16/10/2018 09:26

I would cancel your appointments for hair and make up and do that yourself. If the bride queries it just state that it’s due to the cost.

I would buy a card and inexpensive gift.

scrivette · 16/10/2018 09:26

Could you get a token gift, picture of you two together at the wedding, stick it in a frame, send card with nice message in it after the event?

Original poster

Pinkclarko · 16/10/2018 09:27

Ha ha thanks all! Yes 20 birthdays is cray cray.. Its. A mixture of adults and kids to be fair so a lot of ten pound gifts I hope. Well I figure I'd spend at least a couple of hundred as a regular guest so I guess factor that in. A nice bottle is the obvious choice, can't believe I didn't think of that, thanks!

OP posts:

Loopytiles · 16/10/2018 09:27

You mention 20 birthdays in one month: if some of those are adult friends, friends’ DC who you see only rarely, or your extended family and you buy gifts for them suggest just getting cards as you can’t afford gifts.

Original poster

Pinkclarko · 16/10/2018 09:27

Oh yeah and she only told me if the costs yesterday. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I could possibly get out of makeup but hair, haven't got a clue how to do it up 😆😆😆

OP posts:

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