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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About SIL/PIL puppy?

99 replies

Dobbythesockelf · 15/10/2018 20:27

I will start this off saying I do not get on with my in laws very well.

My Sil has been bought a puppy by her boyfriend. It is only 3 months old and she has never had a dog before, none of my dh family have any experience with dogs. She still lives at home in their very small house which only has one room downstairs, open plan kitchen lounge

I have a 4 month old and a 3 yr old. My aibu is would it be wrong for me to refuse to take my children round to their house esp ds who's a baby until the puppy is older and properly trained? MIL thinks I'm being ridiculous but having grown up around dogs I don't feel comfortable going to a house where there is no where to safely keep the dog away from children especially at such a young age.

OP posts:

Maelstrop · 15/10/2018 20:30

Is it a massive puppy? It will probably have a bitey stage whilst teething and multiple accidents so probably not the most hygienic of places to take your dc just now.

Mummaloves · 15/10/2018 20:31

Are we talking a Great Dane sized puppy ? Chihuahua sized ? Depends really, they could get a puppy crate and crate the puppy while you’re there with the kids, it wpild help with toilet training it too.

Singlebutmarried · 15/10/2018 20:32

I totally understand your apprehension.
I’ve two fully grown dogs and would still keep the pair of them separate from any visiting kids.

Puppies and babies/toddlers can mix, but usually when they’re all in the same household all the time.

We had pups with a 5yo and it was a nightmare. Not the pups. The child was just MEGA excited the whole time.

We still have moments three years on.

Is the pup ‘free range’ completely or does he have a crate he can retreat to as a safe space?

Though I’m sure your SIL/MIl think it will be cute for babies and puppies together in pics, but the reality is there’s a possibility of nipping and growling (toddler and puppy both 😆) and it’s also not fair on the pup to have his territory invaded.

Also breed of dog, small tea cup chihuahua type are quite breakable, bigger dogs less so.

adaline · 15/10/2018 20:33

Everyone has to be a first time owner at some point!

How do you know they won't have it on a lead or crate train it? All puppies are bitey and jumpy for a while but it sounds like you just think they won't bother with it.

Ceecee18 · 15/10/2018 20:35

Depends on how well you and your DH can trust them not to 'trust' the dog. I thought I could trust my dad and then he left DD (at 11 months) face to face with their small dog and walked away, well with just a stair gate in between, but the dogs face came through and she could have easily bitten her. Or DD could have stretched her arms through and hurt the dog.

When I told him not to do that again (I'd gone into the hallway, came back and saw it) he said 'it's okay, I trust the dog'. Made me realise that despite what I said, he thought he knew better as its his dog.

Original poster

Dobbythesockelf · 15/10/2018 20:36

It doesn't have a crate as far as I know. They only got it last week. It's a medium sized dog. It's a cross between a spaniel and another dog but I can't remember what they said. My worry is that as they have never had a dog before they don't fully get the dangers. We are the only family with small children so it won't be used to kids at all. My 3yr old is very excitable and charges round like a mad thing most of the time this coupled with a screaming baby makes me slightly apprehensive

OP posts:

MacosieAsunter · 15/10/2018 20:38

Is it a puppy or a werewolf ?

codenameduchess · 15/10/2018 20:38

Have you met the puppy yet? You are a bit U to decide without as some have lovely temperaments and are fine with kids.

My mums dog has ever had an accident or a bitey stage and him and my 3yo are best friends. He's a massive dog and I've never had a hesitation about them growing up together, obviously sensible precautions are taken (not left alone etc) but they play for hours together - doggo is an excellent at hide and seek

But a friends dog is v jumpy and has to be held back when we visit so he doesn't knock 3yo over when we arrive, still wouldn't refuse to visit though.

I think growing up around animals is great for odd and teaches them a lot. I really don't get this hatred of any pet being allowed near previous dcs (allergies aside).

codenameduchess · 15/10/2018 20:41

Also, teach your 3yo how to behave around a puppy? Watch the kids yourself an step in if 3yo is over excited?

Floralnomad · 15/10/2018 20:41

I think you are being utterly ridiculous but it’s a good excuse to not visit your inlaws I suppose . I also can’t see what them being first time dog owners has to do with it , it’s just a case of watching your children whilst you are there .

Original poster

Dobbythesockelf · 15/10/2018 20:44

I don't hate animals I actually worked with animals before I had dc. But this means I saw a lot of dogs coming into be rehomed cause they snapped at kids etc. SiL works 40+ hours a week and they have never had a pet of any kind ever.
I haven't met the dog we live 2+ hours away but we're planning on visiting in a couple of weeks. Mil just keeps saying to dh 'I'm sure the kids will love him" when he tried to explain out concerns

OP posts:

DeltaZulu89 · 15/10/2018 20:45

YANBU. Puppies are unpredictable, it only takes a second for an excitable pup to knock into a coffee table and send a hot drink flying, or to jump up and knock you off balance while holding the wee one, or playfully mouth at a little foot. I’m sure the pup is lovely, and I’m sure your not accusing it of being a werewolf, but accidents happen around young dogs, especially ones that aren’t used to kids, and it only takes a second! This is coming from an owner of two large dogs and a new baby.
Maybe compromise, ask the dog to be crated while you are there, or perhaps the boyfriend could walk it while you are there? Maybe take the three year old so she burns off some energy as well? Presuming he isn’t desperate to see the wee one as well of course.

Original poster

Dobbythesockelf · 15/10/2018 20:45

And we have 2 cats so dd knows how to behave around animals and my sister has a dog. I am not worried about my dd's behaviour but like all kids at 3 she sometimes gets over excited and it only takes a moment at the end of the day.

OP posts:

Inertia · 15/10/2018 20:58

If they refuse to comprehend that there may be a problem then don't take the children round. It sounds as though there is no secure place for the puppy to retreat to. It isn't fair on the puppy to risk him being scared by an excited toddler and a potentially crying baby, and it is absolutely not fair to put your children at risk from a frightened, untrained dog.

BoomBoomsCousin · 15/10/2018 21:05

I think to simply say you won’t go is probably a bit U unless they have form for pretending they are sorting things and then not doing it so you’re stuck. You would be more than reasonable to say they need to have a way to separate the dog from the children while you are there and refusing to go until they do.

It doesn’t matter what the dog’s temperament is, it’s a risk, you will need to watch and interaction like a hawk and with two children that is not the sort of visit that’s going to be any fun for anyone. Not to mention the poor dog may need a break from an excited 3 year old!

Original poster

Dobbythesockelf · 15/10/2018 21:14

My dh mentioned keeping it separate somehow and his mum said "it's such a sweet dog who won't be a problem". I think that's what annoyed me the cause they seem to refuse to see why we are apprehensive both for the sake of the children and the puppy. If they would day that yes they will get a crate/ take the dog elsewhere for an hour I wouldn't have as much of an issue but so far they don't seem to think it will be a problem.

OP posts:

MadameButterface · 15/10/2018 21:15

I think you shouldn't go, as you don't like them and have already decided that it will be a huge problem. Whatever they do won't be enough and you will find a reason to huff and puff and catastrophise about it. so just skip the drama and don't go.

MakeAHouseAHome · 15/10/2018 21:17

Depends really, they could get a puppy crate and crate the puppy while you’re there with the kids

Erm what!? Why the heck should the dog have to go in the crate when the kids go round. OP don' go if you have a thing about kids and dogs but don't expect SIL to lock dog away while you are there. I certainly wouldn't.

Original poster

Dobbythesockelf · 15/10/2018 21:18

My dh also doesn't want to have the children around the puppy either it isn't just me. I don't like them but I don't stop my children seeing them. This is literally the only time I have considered cancelling a visit in 3 years.

OP posts:

QuickNC123 · 15/10/2018 21:20

I think if it’s a puppy you’re fine to go round and actually, it’s your children whom should learn how to behave round animals.

Original poster

Dobbythesockelf · 15/10/2018 21:21

I don't have a thing about kids and dogs in general but a 3 month old puppy who has never been around young children and a toddler and a baby makes me wary.
I don't really like crates but plenty of people use them as far as I'm aware. There is nowhere in the downstairs of their house to keep the puppy separate as it is just one big room, that is my problem with the situation.

OP posts:

Original poster

Dobbythesockelf · 15/10/2018 21:24

Again my children do know how to behave around animals. Well the 3 yr old does the 4 month old doesn't know what a dog is. But she is still 3 she doesn't always act appropriately all the time, she sometimes gets over excited, please tell me how to stop her suddenly jumping or shouting when something excites her..... which I imagine a puppy probably will. She has only just turned 3.

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 15/10/2018 21:26

Usually I am very much on the side of dogs and children = safety first, be cautious but in this case I think you may be a little over-anxious if you’ve not even met the puppy yet.

Go, reiterate the need for the poor puppy to have safe space away from visiting children (i.e. make the argument for the pups welfare not about how it might be dangerous), watch closely, remove either children or dog if need be, point out that as the dog gets bigger and the children get bigger it will need excellent training and try to relax a bit.

ThePoliticiansPraiseMyName · 15/10/2018 21:32

I have a 3 and a 6 yo and a 3mo dog. Introducing the children to the puppy now will help it get used to children. The 3 yo should be old enough to understand being quiet and gentle hands around the dog. The 4mo is small enough to keep out of reach. Ask sil/pil to put pup on a lead and introduce your dd calmly. My 3yo helps walk and feed the dog and our pup is a St. Bernard so huge. It sounds like you've latched onto a reason to refuse to visit so aren't going to listen to any suggestions though.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/10/2018 21:34

This is a 12 week old puppy? A cockapoo maybe? Ime you would be much better taking the children round now while the dog is young so it can get used to your children.

You're going to be there to supervise them aren't you?

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