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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About SIL/PIL puppy?

99 replies

Dobbythesockelf · 15/10/2018 20:27

I will start this off saying I do not get on with my in laws very well.

My Sil has been bought a puppy by her boyfriend. It is only 3 months old and she has never had a dog before, none of my dh family have any experience with dogs. She still lives at home in their very small house which only has one room downstairs, open plan kitchen lounge

I have a 4 month old and a 3 yr old. My aibu is would it be wrong for me to refuse to take my children round to their house esp ds who's a baby until the puppy is older and properly trained? MIL thinks I'm being ridiculous but having grown up around dogs I don't feel comfortable going to a house where there is no where to safely keep the dog away from children especially at such a young age.

OP posts:

Grammar · 16/10/2018 07:46

7:33 post I couldn't understand.

reallyanotherone · 16/10/2018 07:46

Buy a portable stairgate. Take it with you when you visit, use it to separate puppy and child when necessary.

Grammar · 16/10/2018 07:47

Oh, OK

nellieellie · 16/10/2018 07:48

Puppies are like sharks with their needle sharp teeth. They get hugely excitable around small children, and they explore EVERYTHING with their mouths. I wouldn’t worry about aggression too much given the pups age - mature dogs that are not used to small children DEFINITELY should not be with toddlers/babies. But, a playful pup can break the skin no problem. Your 3 yr old is a perfect age and size for the puppy to ‘play’ with - ie lots of nipping. Small children whoop or scream, puppy gets hugely excited and even more bitey.
Small children have a tendency to become ‘magnetised’ to dogs, so this should be discouraged. If your ILs were sensible about keeping the pup away, and helping you keep your 3 yr old away, then it’s do able. If your DH can monitor your 3 yr old while you have the baby, then it’s do able. Everyone has to agree though, child, pup interaction to be closely supervised.

pacempercutiens · 16/10/2018 07:49

Yanbu. So far your mil sounds quite flippant about the risks a puppy could pose to your DC. She needs to make effort too.

Why can't she come to you?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/10/2018 07:49

Sensible post nellieellie.

Greyhorses · 16/10/2018 07:52

At one point I had 2 adult german shepherds, a german shepherd puppy from 8 weeks and a just about toddling DS.

Not once did he ever get bitten, mouthed or jumped allover. Nor have any of the other dogs ever mouthed or jumped on me. I’m not sure what sort of rabied puppies you people are buying but it’s certainly not my experience.

She probably is training it, and if it gets too excited shut it away...I’m sure it has no thumbs to open the door. Mumsnet dog hysteria at its best.

MissSusanSays · 16/10/2018 07:58

I took DD a few weeks ago to see ILs. Ew puppy. It was a mistake. We were all excited to go but the puppy was jumpy and nibbly and at one point managed to knock DD over and bite her toes. After that she screamed if the dog came anywhere near her and has cried every time she’s seen a dog since.

This was despite five adults keeping a close eye and trying to do gentle introductions and then eventually putting the dog behind the baby gate so DD could actually get in the floor without being knocked down.

Not my PILs fault, not the dog’s fault and not DDs fault. It’s my fault for forgetting that 11 week old puppies are teething and jumpy. Going to take ages to get DD used to dogs again.

This visit will be stressful for you, you kids and the poor dog.

AmayaBuzzbee · 16/10/2018 07:59

YABVU, let you toddler and the pup befriend each other now whilst the pup is tiny and willing to love everybody. They will love each other, pups are lovely, learning and not some malicious sharks.

If you wait till the pup is an adult, then that’ll be an adult dog you don’t know and who doesn’t know your toddler. Much more reason to be apprehensive until you meet the dog.

MissSusanSays · 16/10/2018 07:59

if it gets too excited shut it away

RTFT- OP has already said it is a small house with nowhere to shut the dog away.

DeltaZulu89 · 16/10/2018 08:19

GDC I completely agree that dogs need to be socialised with children. I don’t agree that my baby should be used for those purposes. And as I’ve explained already, it’s not that I’m afraid of dogs, (thanks to pp who pointed out I’ve already said I’ve got two big dogs) it’s that puppies are naturally prone to excitable behaviour. I don’t see why I should be nervous to sit and feed my baby or drink a coffee in case an over excitable pup comes and jumps at us. Which happens. Why is it critical that the dog meet the baby now? It’s not like OPs baby is the only one in the world, surely it can meet older children on walks? And also, OP said she doesn’t see them very often, so why do her kids need to form a bond with this woman’s puppy? Sounds like people want photo opportunities tbh.
I do agree with nellieellie but what kind of visit would that be? Everyone on edge staring at a toddler and a puppy, waiting for something to go wrong? I would compromise and ask for the dog to be crated during the visit, with maybe five mins of playtime with the toddler before you go, so that excitable behaviour has a clear time limit.

Floofsnootborkandboop · 16/10/2018 08:23

Op, if you’ve worked with animals like you claim then you would know the only way to train a dog to be around children is to have them around each other. I’ve worked with animals for 20 years and have seen plenty of perfectly behaved well trained dogs who after 10 seconds with kids you’d think are the worst dogs in the world all because they never got experience around kids.

I agree it’s the owners responsibility to train their dogs but this isn’t as easy as training them not to pee on the floor, and if your SIL doesn’t have kids and doesn’t know anyone else with them or everyone she knows with kids has the same attitude as you then there’s real way to make sure the dog is trained to be a certain way with kids.

Grammar · 16/10/2018 08:30

I think there have been some sensible responses on here.
I have not advised the OP not to go, simply validating her and her D's concerns which are legitimate given the circumstances

Grammar · 16/10/2018 08:32

And any "hysteria appears to have come more from the ' how ridiculous you are being ' league.

Grammar · 16/10/2018 08:32

' DH's'

Original poster

Dobbythesockelf · 16/10/2018 08:44

I understand that dogs need to be introduced to kids but we only visit once every 2 months so I'm not sure how much use these 2 hour visits every 8 weeks are going to be.
My in laws refuse to visit us as we "chose to move away" so we have to visit.
I have no problem with dogs but at the moment I do have an issue with the idea that there is no where to shut the puppy away from the children.
SIL got the puppy last Wednesday and then went away this weekend so she hasn't even been at home never mind taken time off to get the puppy used to the house. I think it is her dad that is doing most of the work with it.
I think my dh might not want to visit this month as it is his only weekend off. We are going to see what happens when he next talks to his mum.

OP posts:

Deadbudgie · 16/10/2018 08:49

Maybe meet them somewhere away from the house? A dog friendly pub? They can bring the puppy (provided it is allowed to go outside now) on a lead so can see how it is. You could go round to there’s when it’s your 3 month olds nap time and they could stay upstairs for their nap? A 3 year old would be fine with what presumably is acockerpoo size puppy

Jent13c · 16/10/2018 09:01

My mum has a terrible untrained dog and I was very nervous about visiting but my son loves the dog. The dog is crazy and jumps about and has been known to bite so we were very cautious and obviously would have never left them together. Every time we visit he spends the whole time shouting her name to get into the kitchen to see her but hes naturally a very cautious child so wants to be in my arms the whole time or on the breakfast bar so she can't get to him.
My mum puts the dog in the car (in the garage) to calm her down. It's like her safe space and she falls asleep straight away. Would that be an option for you?
Alternatively go visit the puppy for a hour or two then all go out for dinner. Realistically you may not want to spend the whole day if there's nowhere for the puppy to escape to

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/10/2018 09:04

What breed are the puppies Delta just out of curiosity?

Theweasleytwins · 16/10/2018 09:16

My inlaws have just rescued a new (possibly 6 month old) puppy (not small like staffy height i think)

He is very good with my twins but at the first hint of teeth he is taken away

They already have a staffy and jack Russell who my dc adore but never leave them alone with

Sleeplikeasloth · 16/10/2018 09:44

We have a similar issue. Ils have a small breed puppy, but let it jump all over our toddler, and it's knocked her over several times. When I've tried to separate them, they've told me that 'he won't hurt her' and that I'm being over the top. They refuse to put the dog in a separate room because it's his home, and although it has a crate they don't see it as a safe place as they've let our toddler sit in it (I didn't know at the time).
They won't go out without the dog but also don't like the dog having to travel, so they won't even come to a playground with their grandchild, as they can't take the dog in with them. It's really frustrating and difficult.

They seem utterly clueless about toddlers & dogs.

Aprilislonggone · 16/10/2018 09:49

A crate would be a good idea. You can post your dc snacks through the bars..
Seriously, your ils have added to their family just like you have. Make the best of it or stay away. Puppies are delightful, dc are delightful, adults needs to supervise.
Job done.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/10/2018 09:50

That's not good sleep, I can't understand why anyone would put the dog before their GC like that. I have a dog who's very well behaved and laid back but always put my GC first, we introduced him very carefully when DS/DIL came with the baby, watching him like a hawk, put him in another room when the baby was on the floor or eating in a high chair and just constantly supervised them. There have been no issues thankfully and my GC loves him.

MissSusanSays · 16/10/2018 10:29

your ils have added to their family just like you have
😂😂😂 Classic

Wait, are you actually seriously comparing getting a dog to having a baby 🙈

MakeAHouseAHome · 16/10/2018 10:38

AprilisLongGone I totally agree with you - DC in the cage to protect the dog sounds a good idea to me. op if you are terrified your baby will be eaten by the rabied beast then don't go round. But don't expect them to shut it away to accomodate you.

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