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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to 15 hour flight with two toddlers?

101 replies

Beeperbird · 15/10/2018 04:39

My older sis lives in Asia and can’t come back for Christmas this year (tradition to be all together). We were planning a holiday to meet halfway but that has fallen through due to expense of halfway locations!
She now wants us to all fly out to see her, but I don’t really want to as 1) it’s 15 hours with two toddlers, 2) if we’re travelling all the way somewhere surely it makes sense cost wise for her (as one person) to come to uk to see us rather than all 8 of us - my parents, us, my other siblings) to go to her! Never mind the environmental impact!
She thinks I’m being ridiculous and that Asia would be a fantastic adventure, which it would be but just not practical!
We suggested a family holiday in uk to make it more special for her to come back but she’s turned her nose up saying “it’s not worth it for her”

OP posts:
Noteverythingisabingthing · 15/10/2018 04:58

I am not sure taking 2 toddlers anywhere could be classed as a fantastic adventure, an experience yes, an adventure yes, fantastic hmm no. Stressful and chaotic. Say you will go when the children are 5+ and it is upto her whether she wants to come visit you.

Kezebel · 15/10/2018 05:02

Yanbu. I have a similar predicament, only to Africa. Friend took his 2 (generally beautifully behaved I might add) toddlers, said it was the worst experience of his life from start to finish. That was all the convincing I needed!

Justkeepsledging · 15/10/2018 05:09

I've flown a lot with my kids. The worst age was from about 11 months to about 2.5. Basically the stage where they want to be up and mobile but can't be distracted by screens for more than 10 mins. I wouldnt do a 15 hour flight at that age unless you really want to go! It will be hell.

flumpybear · 15/10/2018 05:09

Bloody terrible idea!

Just have Christmas different read apart this year

TanteRose · 15/10/2018 05:17

tradition to be altogether is fine, but she is being ridiculous.

I am the older sis in Asia (well, not YOUR sis!) and I would never demand that family should travel out here for any reason - and certainly not with toddlers.
In fact, it was the other way round for ages for us - I was the one with toddlers who wasn't willing to travel over to the UK for Xmas. I only ever did it twice in fact (my kids are now 20 and 19). We travelled in the summer if we were going to make the trip (no way could we afford two trips a year!) and sometimes, only one trip back every two or three years.
You have to get used to all this when you're the one living far away, like your sister is.

anyway stick to your guns, she'll live.

KioreWahine · 15/10/2018 05:23

I was expecting to say YABU. But in this situation I really don't think you are!

Just laugh and ask your sister if she will provide overnight childcare will your kids get used to the timezone. Trying to stay awake through your own jetlag while looking after small people, in a silent house overnight, is no fun. And very few people volunteer to help IME!

Say you'll do it when the kids are old enough to watch TV while you snooze.

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/10/2018 05:27

So its only worth it for her if you all make the effort? I suggest you text her telling her that its fine, you will Skype her during your Xmas meal and hopefully see her next year. Either a) your tradition will change or b) she will suddenly decide she can come to you after all and then sulk the whole time.......

CheesecakeAddict · 15/10/2018 05:38

Yanbu
Your sister sounds selfish if she thinks it sounds reasonable for her whole family to go over to Asia but it doesn't make sense for her to come over.

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 15/10/2018 05:43

I travel with my 8 yo very regularly to Asia, and have always broken the journey with a night in a hotel in Dubai airport.
I will say when he was small. We did used to fly in one fell swoop but there were 2 of us and one of him.
Breaking the flight has restored my sanity.

In your case, your ( I presume childless) sister Ibvu.
If she can spare the time to meet Halfway; she can get to England.
As she’s the eldest; She’s going to have to start learning it’s not all about her...

Kokeshi123 · 15/10/2018 06:01

I live outside the UK so have plenty of experience of toddlers on flights. I would totally do it--for a holiday I actually wanted.

But it sounds you and your other family members are not eager to visit the destination and that this is something she is demanding everyone does for her.

It's not all about her, and it clearly makes more sense for her to come back to the UK. If she doesn't want to get on a plane, well, maybe she needs to accept that she'll be having Xmas without the family this year. I'm surprised she does not want a family Xmas--it's the time of year when people are often eager to go back to their home countries.

missperegrinespeculiar · 15/10/2018 06:11

well, I don't know, I travelled with my kids all the time, longer then 15 hours, too, from when they were about 2 months old, I always enjoyed it, but if you don't want to, then up to you

the thing is though, does your sister always come to you? have you ever seen her place? her life there? I have lived overseas, and it was important for me for my family and friends to see what my life was like, could it be that maybe she would like to share with you?

clairedelalune · 15/10/2018 06:27

I really don't think it makes sense for 8 of you to travel out there particularly with two toddlers. However I do see where she is coming from especially if no-one has been out to see her; if she has been there a long time and is always the one coming home maybe cost is an issue for her too. If this is the case, could the 8 of you club together for her flight?

WanderingTrolley1 · 15/10/2018 06:36

Yanbu.

Sounds like an absolute nightmare!

BoneyBackJefferson · 15/10/2018 06:39

if we’re travelling all the way somewhere surely it makes sense cost wise for her (as one person) to come to uk to see us rather than all 8 of us - my parents, us, my other siblings) to go to her!

Are you splitting the costs?

Never mind the environmental impact!

The environmental impact is the same unless you are planning to go on different planes.

BrisaOtonal · 15/10/2018 06:41

I used to live in Asia. the 15-hour journey with toddlers is a nightmare unless you are flying business class. Also, what are you gong to do when you get there? Are you staying in a city where she lives? If so, that will mean lugging your 2 DC around in taxi's without car seats. If you are going on to somewhere hot you then have to think of excessive heat, mosquitos (dengue fever) and sand flies. Finally, Christmas in Asia is crap. You wouldn't know it was on unless you were making loads of effort.

I lived there and had it down pat but wouldn't take small DC there on holiday. When I was an expat, it was up to me to make sure I made the effort to see family, not have them speaking ££££ because of my life style choice.

TipseyTorvey · 15/10/2018 06:43

There's no way in hell I'd even consider this with my toddler. He is a handful though, others may have more placid offspring. I would imagine a very stressful and exhausting trip followed by 2 weeks of misbehaving kids due to the lack of routine and timezones plus I bet your sister will want to do things that aren't toddler friendly to show off where she lives? Museums, city centres etc? Just no.

SillyMoomin · 15/10/2018 06:54

it’s not worth it for her

Then it’s not worth it for you to fly to her. Simples

Dragon3 · 15/10/2018 06:59

YANBU. Maybe you could all chip in to pay for her flight home?

Volant · 15/10/2018 06:59

There is no way you are going to have a fantastic adventurous holiday with two toddlers, and they won't remember any of it anyway.

kaytee87 · 15/10/2018 07:01

Sounds awful.

Rednaxela · 15/10/2018 07:06

DSis is the one who chose to move out there surely? Actions have consequences!

YANBU. It would be hell on earth

OliviaStabler · 15/10/2018 07:09

I read it that she is sick and tired of making the journey each year to you and wants you, for once, to travel to her. Might be wrong.

BoneyBackJefferson · 15/10/2018 07:11

At 15 hours each way its time for a new tradition.

trojanpony · 15/10/2018 07:13

Yanbu
I’d be breaking with tradition

Flights to Asia at Christmas at this time of year for 8 people???
You are looking at north of £10k as a minimum surely?
I’m assuming she can’t put you all up comfortably either.

15 hours in economy = Hell
All of you in one room = Hell
Kids not have car seats / toys / comforts = Hell

Even if she has a cast iron reason for not being able to come I’d say that’s a shame well will have to Skype instead

SnuggyBuggy · 15/10/2018 07:13

I wouldn't do it.

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