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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to 15 hour flight with two toddlers?

101 replies

Beeperbird · 15/10/2018 04:39

My older sis lives in Asia and can’t come back for Christmas this year (tradition to be all together). We were planning a holiday to meet halfway but that has fallen through due to expense of halfway locations!
She now wants us to all fly out to see her, but I don’t really want to as 1) it’s 15 hours with two toddlers, 2) if we’re travelling all the way somewhere surely it makes sense cost wise for her (as one person) to come to uk to see us rather than all 8 of us - my parents, us, my other siblings) to go to her! Never mind the environmental impact!
She thinks I’m being ridiculous and that Asia would be a fantastic adventure, which it would be but just not practical!
We suggested a family holiday in uk to make it more special for her to come back but she’s turned her nose up saying “it’s not worth it for her”

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 15/10/2018 10:28

Where does this tradition that you all spend every Christmas together come from?

I can see both sides really. Can't your parents go and you have a nice Christmas at home?

ileclerc · 15/10/2018 13:11

I took my then just turned 3yo twins to America. It was around 16 hours with a layover in Iceland.

It was horrific and I refused to fly long haul with them again until they were 6.

DailyMailFail101 · 15/10/2018 13:48

YANBU, there’s not a chancei in hell I would fly long haul with two toddlers, if she doesn’t think it’s worth traveling to the UK then she doesn’t have to, just like you don’t have to travel to Asia. Have a lovely Christmas without your sister.

FlowThroughIt · 15/10/2018 15:31

You all offered to chip in for a flight and she still said no? 😐 She's being stubborn and unreasonable.

BoneyBackJefferson · 15/10/2018 17:08

FlowThroughIt

IMO the sister is being no more unreasonable than the OP.

I can't think of many people that would enjoy 2 15 hours flights so close together, then spending all your time running around after other people.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 15/10/2018 17:23

How would it be an adventure? Your children are toddlers, toddlers don't remember 'adventures' they enjoy routine and the comfort of having all their familiar things around them. It would also not be an adventure for you or your family as you have already been to Asia.

I think you have been more than reasonable in your suggestions, meeting halfway, travelling to another destination in the UK and paying towards her flight. What has she suggested instead of you visiting, it sounds like nothing at all.

I would firmly explain that there is no option of you coming to see her and leave it at that, she can sulk and moan all she likes but she chose to move away.

Witchofwisteria · 15/10/2018 17:49

Fuck that, she chose to move... she must of considered holidays on her own would happen. YANBU

Almondio · 15/10/2018 17:54

Do your own thing at Christmas then treat yourself to a child-free adventure to visit your sister in the new year, you can celebrate the festivities then, belatedly, but with your sanity and budget firmly in check.

OlennasWimple · 15/10/2018 18:01

From the perspective of being the family member living overseas, I can see why she wants to stay in her home this year having been the travelling one for the last five years. It's not just about cost, it's about all the other hassle that travel entails as well as missing out on the stuff that is going on at home.

Personally I'd pack up the kids and get on with it, but then I'm also the person who moved around the world on a bit of a whim and without having ever visited the country before...so maybe not the normal approach to travel...

How old are your DC? My DS very vividly remembers a long haul holiday we took him on when he was little (nearly three), so it won't necessarily be completely "wasted" on them

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 15/10/2018 18:07

It's not just about cost, it's about all the other hassle that travel entails as well as missing out on the stuff that is going on at home.

How is it more hassle to be a single adult travelling to the UK than expecting 8 people including small children to fly 15 hours to your house? That's ignoring the cost involved for 8 flights and not to mention Asia isn't exactly the most festive of places to experience Christmas.

Toomuchworking · 15/10/2018 19:38

Perhaps you could suggest that you will pay for a ticket for your sister (and DP or friend) to come to the UK in order to fly with your children. You take a different flight with your husband and the rest of your family. If she thinks you're being unreasonable ask her why. If it's so reasonable to travel 15 hours with two toddlers perhaps she could show you how best to do it so you know for next time.

I took my 1 year old and nearly 3 year old to Spain last month. If it had been a 15 hour flight someone would have found a way to throw the smallest one out of the window. The older one only made it (on 2 hours sleep the night before) thanks to being just old enough to be placated with iPad and junk food. Do not do it. It will also be horrendously stressful when you get there due to them being unsettled and the time difference. Did I say do not do it? Do not do it.

puzzledlady · 15/10/2018 19:41

I’m doing it in December. But I’m from there so I actually want to do it - and my two (4+2) have done this flight since they were 6 months. We stop in Dubai or this time in Helsinki - it honestly is fine but it sounds as as if you don’t want to go so I wouldn’t if I were you.

OlennasWimple · 15/10/2018 19:52

Heads - of course there is hassle involved in leaving your home and travelling for (I'd guess) at least a week Confused

Cases don't pack themselves (including potentially different seasonal stuff that isn't ever used otherwise). Pets need sitters. Leave needs to be booked from work. House needs to be secured appropriately and perhaps arrangements made for mail (where I live we have to inform the central services office if we are away so that they hold our mail back rather than keep stuffing it into the allocated mail box). Etc etc etc

Yes, it's easier as a grown adult to travel alone or with a companion than it is than to travel with two small DC. But it isn't as simple as "just get on a plane" as some people seem to be making out.

DiamondsOnTheDogsCollar · 15/10/2018 19:55

I have some sympathy for your sister. I live in the US and no one has ever come to us for Christmas. Every year we either have to shell out to travel back or have a quiet, shitty Christmas that’s a total letdown.

Yes, I know it was our choice to move here (albeit enforced by employment), but people always see it as a glamorous, exciting choice - they don’t get the enormous sacrifices that come with it. So it would be nice if just once, they would come to us at Christmas.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 15/10/2018 20:06

Every year we either have to shell out to travel back or have a quiet, shitty Christmas that’s a total letdown.

It doesn't have to be a let down though. Just because it is only you and your partner and children if you have any why does it have to be a shitty day you can make it magical without having your extended family around.

However you present it, expecting small children to travel to another country just so you don't have to travel for Christmas is pretty unreasonable especially when family have offered to pay for your flights.

Veryberrycherry · 15/10/2018 21:27

Geez my SIL flew on her own from Australia to UK and back again with a 3yo and a 3mo. Then did it again 2 years later with a 6yo, 3yo and a 7m old.. It's never going to be easy but it wouldn't put me off. Having nothing to do there for the family would though.

HRMumness · 16/10/2018 10:21

I’ve flown to Oz multiple times with small children - with my first DD when she was 3m and then 10m and then we took her to the US when she was almost 2yo when I was pregnant with my DD2. We then took them both to Oz when they were 4 and 2. We will go again next year when they are 7 and 5. This is in addition to at least 4 short haul flights in the last few years. It’s tricky when they are between 6m and 2.5yo but it’s totally manageable with two of you. Lots of walking up and down the plane, bit of screen time, some play dough or stickers.
I think your sister is being a bit unreasonable but as an expat myself it is hard to do the constant travelling. We generally take turns with our family in terms of visiting so we have to do the trip roughly every two to three years. Hong Kong is brilliant too - bring your own car seats as well (which are usually free to take) to strap into taxis but the public transport is great. Can you perhaps stay in an Airbnb with stuff for the kids and a bit more room than your sisters place? I can think of loads of great things that toddlers might enjoy there - the big Buddha, going on the train, the peak, looking around the wet markets.

RadicalFern · 16/10/2018 11:20

15 hour flight + two toddlers + wrangling toddlers in Asia = no fun. It will not be a fun adventure! I realise that your sister would like not to have to travel to see her family, but maybe you or your parents could go visit her on your own some time instead?

Leapfrog44 · 16/10/2018 17:37

wow! No way I'd do that. With a baby or an older child fine but TWO toddlers. Not a chance in hell. She sounds pretty selfish

Tomboytown · 16/10/2018 17:50

I can kind of see her point.
You could make a holiday of it, which could be fun .
She has to (presumably) use holiday to come to rainy U.K. to see her family. It’s not a holiday. It’s a family visit.

VenusClapTrap · 16/10/2018 18:20

I’d do it if the dc were 5+, but any younger - nope.

altiara · 16/10/2018 18:24

Just say no! No way would I do it. Just have separate christmases. In a few years then think about it.

Banamara · 16/10/2018 18:31

I don't think I would do it personally.

What do the rest of your UK based family think? Christmas is such a bad time to go anywhere especially with young children. There is always the possibility of weather related cancellations etc. And the cost of travel and accommodation is way over the top compared to other times of the year. Not to mention crowded airports full of totally stressed out people!

What I would do is say "hey sis we all feel that it would be much easier for everyone if you came here for Christmas. But if that doesn't suit you, we will meet you at a halfway point sometime in the Spring. See you on Skype on Christmas Day, love you lots". Etc.

Hector2000 · 16/10/2018 18:35

Miss peregrine has a point. I think you need to book in a trip to see her when they are 5 or 6. But it’s natural she wants you to experience her life and home. If you never do it (I’m not saying this year) then you’ll grow apart. It is tricky for you, I can see that.

TheCherries · 16/10/2018 18:48

There comes a time when holidaying together at Christmas is not what it used to be.
I would suggest this hearnis the first year where your parents rotate between the children.
This year they could go out to visit her and next year they come to visit you and so on.

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