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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to 15 hour flight with two toddlers?

101 replies

Beeperbird · 15/10/2018 04:39

My older sis lives in Asia and can’t come back for Christmas this year (tradition to be all together). We were planning a holiday to meet halfway but that has fallen through due to expense of halfway locations!
She now wants us to all fly out to see her, but I don’t really want to as 1) it’s 15 hours with two toddlers, 2) if we’re travelling all the way somewhere surely it makes sense cost wise for her (as one person) to come to uk to see us rather than all 8 of us - my parents, us, my other siblings) to go to her! Never mind the environmental impact!
She thinks I’m being ridiculous and that Asia would be a fantastic adventure, which it would be but just not practical!
We suggested a family holiday in uk to make it more special for her to come back but she’s turned her nose up saying “it’s not worth it for her”

OP posts:
DaphneDiligaf · 15/10/2018 07:15

Do your children not have other grandparents that might like to see them sometime over the Christmas period?

EK36 · 15/10/2018 07:19

I agree. Just say no thanks, maybe when they're older. Have your own Xmas at home.

Original poster
Beeperbird · 15/10/2018 07:22

Thanks everyone!
Yeah I think she is probably fed up of coming over here, she’s been there for 5 years now. We visited before we had kids and my parents and siblings have each been once or twice - but not for Christmas. I think she’s keen to host but just doesn’t get the faff of bringing the kids over.
Yep she’s inner city in Asia, has no kid stuff at her house so no idea how I’d bring the needed stuff with if we did go!
We have offered to all chip in for her flight over but that hasn’t changed her mind

OP posts:
cdtaylornats · 15/10/2018 07:23

15 hours each way

Llanali · 15/10/2018 07:23

Well I would do it, because I love Asia, I love family and I think travelling with kids isn’t the hell it can be made out to be on mumsnet.

But if you don’t want to, don’t. It’s that simple.

I d think it could be awesome though.

BertramKibbler · 15/10/2018 07:24

I was all set to say YABU because actually, travelling with toddlers, especially with GPs to help, isn’t that bad. Given your sisters response to the problem though I’d say just leave her to it.

Panicwiththebisto · 15/10/2018 07:25

The jet-lag would be awful! I used to do a 12 hour flight to a time zone 8/9 hours ahead and I felt awful for the first 5 days.

Also in some countries it feels unsafe getting taxis - many don’t have easily accessible seatbelts on the rear seats as they are tucked out of the way (difficult to fit a car seat) and the driving standards/road conditions are scary.

Bus travel can be similarly dicey as you have to hold on for dear life.

mummmy2017 · 15/10/2018 07:28

Can you get your parents to go. While you stay here...

Justkeepsledging · 15/10/2018 07:38

I'm struggling to believe anyone actively enjoys a 15 hour flight with two toddlers but each to their own. I love travelling with mine but the flight at that age was not fun.

OP, I would happily do it because I would love to spend Christmas in HK/Singapore/wherever else in that area she is. That would make the flight worthwhile to me. It sounds like it wouldn't be worthwhile for you.

How can there not be anywhere in the middle? Sri Lanka for example?

GetOffTheTableMabel · 15/10/2018 07:40

Christmas is supposed to be fun for small child surely? I cannot see how this works for your children in any way. They will hate the flight, get jet lag, feel dreadful, be away from everything they are familiar with. You will feel guilty (and knackered) that your children aren’t enjoying Christmas and stressed because they’re wailing and keeping other people awake. It is a horrible, horrible idea.

PrincessTwilightStoleMyToddler · 15/10/2018 07:42

There’s no way I would be prepared to do this. I have two under three and just the thought of this makes me shudder. Especially with my lovely but extremely lively nearly three year old. The baby needs more stuff (travel cot in particular) but would cuddle in sling/feed/sleep for a lot of that but the toddler would be just miserable about one - two hours in. And it isn’t just the flight is it? I mean, our nearest airport (an hour away) only really does short-haul so we’d need to drive 2.5 - 4 hours just to get to a suitable airport, then there’s check in, all the time waiting at the airport, then the flight, then transfers the other end... and then it doesn’t sound like you will have the space or stuff you need when you eventually get there!

I think if you’ve all offered to chip in for your sister’s flight (which you have) you would be totally justified in refusing to go anywhere.

EdisonLightBulb · 15/10/2018 07:43

If you and all the family live in the uk, I take it she has chosen to live in Asia? I am afraid that when one person chooses to live away the emphasis is on them making the visits to keep in touch. A holiday is nice if you want to go and can affford it but you have no responsibility to go over there at Christmas, ever. You didn't force her to life away.

Frazzled2207 · 15/10/2018 07:51

She is being ridiculous and clearly doesn't have her own dc. The most stressful time to travel is that age when they are mobile and into everything but can't yet be persuaded to sit and watch a screen. And when you get there both you and the kids will be horridly jet lagged. And her place is not child friendly. I can't think of any reason you would go tbh until kids are a lot older.

juneau · 15/10/2018 07:54

Your sister is being a selfish cow - stick to your guns. Flying anywhere with one toddler is hideous (I still remember the awful flight we had with DS1 from Luton to Brest in Brittany - about an hour's flight!), and with two is unthinkable. Tell your DSis to either come over here and join in, or forget it. It's up to her. The other 7 of you can enjoy Christmas in this country.

Bluesmartiesarebest · 15/10/2018 07:56

YANBU

No way would I take two toddlers on a 15 hour flight. I know you’ll get a load of people saying they flew to Australia with four under fives on their own and it was fun, but it would be my idea of hell.

PlatypusPie · 15/10/2018 07:57

We travelled a lot with our two from babyhood to see the in laws in NZ so Asia was only a welcome halfway stop ! Not fun for anyone, though it meant they became very good at travelling,and behaving well on a plane. It takes great attention from the parents to make it work but it’s doable if you want to go. You would also have the benefit of extended family on the plane to help out.

It was worth it for us because everything was there for us when we got there - space, toys, the beach and their grandparents to indulge them.

I can understand why your DSis wants to host everyone but if it isn’t somewhere you want to go anyway then you are certainly not going to feel happy about spending money to slog out there and make a less than relaxing journey. Be honest with her and say that it doesn’t work for you at this time.

LoniceraJaponica · 15/10/2018 07:59

The other passengers will thank you for staying at home as well.

Cornishclio · 15/10/2018 08:16

No way would I go. Say you will go over and visit when your DC are older. The journey would be hell and if she is not geared up for young children it will be difficult let alone the expense. Can fully understand her not wanting to come over each Christmas though so resign yourself to being apart.

Welshmaiden85 · 15/10/2018 08:17

Don’t do it! Your instincts are right, stick to them.

GeorgeTheHippo · 15/10/2018 08:21

That would be appalling. Just awful. Don't do it.

MondayImInLove · 15/10/2018 09:13

Don’t go. I am an expat and I would never expect everybody to travel to me especially with young DC!

Wonkypalmtree · 15/10/2018 09:16

We did 13 hours with a five year old, crying babies woke everyone up, then the toddlers onboard wouldn’t settle so the whole cabin was awake. Not great experience but the holiday made up for it. Could you bribe them with a visit to HK Disney?

MatildaTheCat · 15/10/2018 09:20

Forget it, she’s bonkers.

Give it no further headspace.

YANBU. SIBVVVU.

NWQM · 15/10/2018 09:34

You are not being unreasonable. You would not be being unreasonable at any time of year but Christmas is particularly expensive and busy. Don't go just because she is stropping. She is really telling you she wants a different Christmas too. I suspect she knows full well you won't come. Christmas change as family's do.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 15/10/2018 09:41

Christ, we moved ONE hour away (by car) and couldn't get people to come for Christmas and we had the perfect set up for visiting families.

It's part and parcel of moving "away" - you want to see people, you travel back. Sad but true.

YAabsolutelyNBU