to ask if you can afford a 'private' school in the UK but have chosen to send your child/children to a state school why?

[Foreverexhausted]

My three year old DD has just started a nursery attached to a fee paying school. I chose the nursery because it is by far the best nursery in the area but unfortunately we can't afford to send her to the school itself as fees are £15k per year per child and we have two children.

We have friends who could afford private schooling but their children are in state schools and then others who can't afford it but are just scraping by because they like the status of children attending a private school.

Totally agree cake. A neighbour teaches in the best private school in the region but even she says there are certain classes at that otherwise excellent school that are really tricky and she would not want her child in. So might be as localised and being unlucky with your classmates.

My dd1 is thriving at her state secondary, my little niece taken out of her (not great) state school and is so so much happier at private but her younger brother has good pals and is confident and still happy at the state primary. You have to feel your way on a child by child basis obv if you don't have the £ private not an option.

Because I am completely happy with my daughter's state comprehensive. She does three languages, loads of extra-curricular activities and meets and mixes with a wide social spectrum of girls (and you do need to learn how to get on with different people). I really can't see what extra I'd get by paying and I think socially it would be less good.

so blueshoes are you saying I should abandon my principles of fairness and morality at secondary school because I can afford it (and because e.g it's a better school than the local comp)? But what about those people who can't afford to do that? They just stick with the local comp and their children suffer?

I can't do that I'm afraid. My children (as someone says upthread) will benefit due to my having more money in other ways. (Mostly holidays for us tbh). My dcs are doing very well at the local state school. my ds will go to one that was in dire straights a few years ago. I will do all I can to help that school to improve.

" went to a bog standard secondary modern. No aspirations but I did Ok despite it in the end. No one went to university"
Of course they didn't. Secondary Modern schools were not intended for people who were aiming at university.

"Do I think they would have turned out like this if they had gone to the nearest state school..."

Interesting. Which ways would they have been different if they had gone to state school? The decent A levels? The ability to get a part time job? Managing to be non smokers? Being able to say no to drugs? What an extraordinarily low opinion you have of people from state schools!

Bertrand, parents and children do get something extra from private school, or they can do. That's why they are all full where I live. Yes my dd would have probably done OK if she'd stayed on at the state school. But I KNOW she'll achieve equally as well but almost certainly better at private school.

sunglasses I'm interested in your assertion that neither of your children smoke and they have confidence to turn down drugs because they went to a top boarding school.

Well none of my children smoke either and I think are completely unfazed by the drug dealers (who hang out in the park next to their state comp. )

I am in a profession with lots of privately educated people. The main advantage (apart from nepotism) that they seemed to have when I was at university was more confidence or arrogance. Now some 25 years later I wouldn't know who was privately educated and who wasn't.

I went to a good private school. Drugs, booze and smoking were rife.

There has been quite a scandal at one of our local private schools. Seems those disposable income can buy a lot of weed.

Our local state school is fantastic and a 5 minute walk away. Emphasis on well rounded kind children as opposed to purely educational goals.
Have several friends and family with kids in private and am very much each to their own, but seriously dislike the attitude that private = better, or worse, superior. It doesn't.
Kids are settled, happy, and learning to mix with a broad range of society - just like they'll have to in the rest of their lifetime.

Do I think they would have turned out like this if they had gone to the nearest state school...

NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!

Heavens to Betsy! OP please don't panic. I can assure you that plenty of children go through state schools and get to top universities (if that's their bag) and get jobs and manage not to become drug addled wasters.
Goodness some folk have a weird view of how the other half lives!

We can't afford private but would move them in a heartbeat if we could.

'Excellent' secondary, but it's still rubbish: very poor behaviour, disrupted classrooms, etc. It's shit as our children are very, very bright.

I have seen over the years a number of parents in the private sector who take the convenient view that payment of fees (and no other parental input, encouragement or support) = guaranteed results. When this hasn't worked out, they've been insensed or even tried to get a fees refund! A lot of people look at a school's headline results and think that it's just like a conveyor belt and kid will pop out at the other end with all the A*'s .....but unless you're a complete genius everybody's got to work hard to get the grades wherever you are.

Just look at the majority of the made in Chelsea cast. They were all privately educated and they're mostly complete twits!

Yeah cos everyone at private school is like the cast of MIC

Apparently all comps are like Grange Hill.

just look at the majority of the only way is Essex cast. They were all state educated and they’re mostly complete twits!

Is that okay to post that? No it’s not is it?

Private school pupils are always fair game though aren’t they?

I thought all state schools were like Big School with Miss Postern! And all private schools had heads like Jacob Rees Mogg! 😁

We live in an area with state and private and grammar schools. The private ones are aimed at grammar entry though definitely not guaranteed. The state schools normally see 20% go on to grammar and the test are in good comprehensives. We could have afforded private but as my Dh was privately educated and I was not the educational benefits were scant. We opted state

”Just look at the majority of the made in Chelsea cast. They were all privately educated and they're mostly complete twits!”

Yes of course. Their twit-ness is definitely because they went to private school....

Wow, this thread has been busy!

Ultimately, I guess it comes down to a question of confidence. Confidence in your own ability to supplement and enrich your child's education if necessary, and confidence in your kids' ability to choose friends wisely, motivate themselves effectively and do well wherever they go.

If you don't have that confidence, and you want to pay to fill in the gaps, that's your choice. I just count myself lucky that we don't have to.

Ultimately, I guess it comes down to a question of confidence

Oh I was confident in my child. Just not in the suitability of the school we got given

She’s now back in a state grammar and thriving

AlexaShutUp

Love that smug little dig you got in there. I wonder what happens if you don’t have such perfect children or perfect parenting ability as you?

Mine are in both sectors, maybe that means I only have some confidence in myself and my dc?

I can’t generalise why some send to private and some send to state, but thank God some people DO send to private schools because in London the education system would collapse otherwise. There are nowhere near enough state school places in London for all school age children. The schools are brimful as it is, and land is too expensive to build any more. I worry about that when I hear plans to impose VAT on school fees. Wealthier families would move into catchment of good state schools and everyone else would presumably have to be shipped out in buses to any school that had a place....

Ultimately, I guess it comes down to a question of confidence. Confidence in your own ability to supplement and enrich your child's education if necessary, and confidence in your kids' ability to choose friends wisely, motivate themselves effectively and do well wherever they go.

You are completely disregarded the disruptive nature of some state school individuals who your children will be in class with who completely de-rail the teaching. You are also totally disregarding the network you can build at private school - whether or not you agree that is rigt/wrong it isn't something YOU can give them.

In any case, the individual child's needs should always come first. That's the most important matter in a discussion such as this.

It's very rich to say you would chose the state option when the state option is actually a decent one. I know for a fact the state options around me unfortunately suffer from lack of funds despite a heavy presence of PP students, unreasonable amounts of low level disruption, bad community reputations,
poor (very poor) GCSE results, not so many extracurriculars etc. And what's more insulting to me is that in a town not even 2 miles away from my house, a grammar doesn't include my 'deprived' postcode within its catchment, yet it spans for an eternity into the other direction! So I'm a bit miffed with the grammar system for that!

When we bought this house I knew little about school catchments or grammar schools, but I work closely to where I grew up (inner city, far from naice) and it's amazing how some comprehensives can be everything you'd want in a school for your child. I'd assumed my child would go to state, and that would be that. Then I came here and I realised that state schools are not universally the same and I've really got to think hard about this.

The other side of things, private schools, aren't all great, but in an area such as mine, they are beacons of hope (if you can afford it). It may not be great in terms of community (although the current voluntary scheme one of them has on is heart melting!), but the education is certainly better than our non-grammar state options. I know a girl from private school who smoked weed more than my Rastafarian uncle, so I personally don't subscribe to the drug argument. I have family in private schools too, and usually the benefits outweigh the negatives in their cases, but I'm still growing and observing. In time maybe the state school options will improve to a decent level?

So we will have to move, play the 11+ game, and/or just say Feck it and chose the private option. But, to me, moving to be in catchment of better schools is not greater than just paying for private. It's just a work around, and I'd be buying my child's education in a different way (although the investment is better and the panoramic views from a moral high ground is good for the soul).

I will definitely do state up until primary because I believe it'd be easier for me to supplement DCs education at that level if the teaching quality was an issue. But I just don't know what I'll do, and I won't know until my son reaches that stage.