to ask if you can afford a 'private' school in the UK but have chosen to send your child/children to a state school why?

[Foreverexhausted]

My three year old DD has just started a nursery attached to a fee paying school. I chose the nursery because it is by far the best nursery in the area but unfortunately we can't afford to send her to the school itself as fees are £15k per year per child and we have two children.

We have friends who could afford private schooling but their children are in state schools and then others who can't afford it but are just scraping by because they like the status of children attending a private school.

I think they are worth it if you don't have any good states schools near by and can't move to be near a good state school.

Or just send them go your nearest school and trust in the fact that as they're your child they'll be ok anyway?

A lot of people are saying they send their kids to state schools and then pay for tutoring/extra curriculars outside of school. Surely this is still using your money to buy your child experiences and opportunities that many other people can't afford for their children?

@Lethal

No. The teacher turnover rates at these schools must already be disheartening for the children who attend. I even have the option of faith schools but they are only marginally better. Of course, some students will do great regardless but I will never just place my own DC in a school with a 'hope for the best' attitude if I have other alternatives. I doubt many of the people in this same thread would, so I'm not the martyr you're looking for.

And considering I went to a very rough school, I feel I know where the school let me down and where it had its graces. There are schools perceived as rough, and then there are just bad schools. I personally don't need the Eton or creme de la creme schools (where's the fun in that?), I just want something reasonably decent at the very least.

For all those saying "because private schools are not fair", I'm going to assume that you don't think they aren't fair because they give a subset of society a perceived advantage? On that basis I'm going to assume that you don't pay for your child to go to any extra circular activities (or bother to take them there) -music lessons/holidays/tutoring or have moved house into the catchment area of a better school? Because anything you do to enrich your child's life more than another child's is buying them an advantage over the other child. But for some reason ballet/drama/music/gymnastics/swimming/tutoring/sailing/moving house etc etc is socially acceptable for many/most. Paying for school isn't. Its the same. One just costs more.

To afford private, we would have to make some major lifestyle changes.

I was privately educated, and know lots of privately educated adults with low paid jobs..... Part of me thinks that a stupendously expensive private education is no guarantee to a well paid job. Maybe my children would rather a childhood without financial pressure and parents able to help with a deposit for a house in the future. It is too big an amount to roll the dice with. What if it doesn't give my children an amazing education, and set them up for life?

Also there was still bullying and poor teachers in my private schools. It wasn't all roses.

Finally my husband earns substantially more than me and he was state educated.

If we had any issues with our local state schools, then we might leave, but so far we're happy.

private school keeps ones child separate from a whole 'sub-set' of society

There has been quite a scandal at one of our local private schools. Seems those disposable income can buy a lot of weed.

Sorry to break it to you but weed is an issue in loads of secondary schools, both state and private. I've been in three schools this week where I know there are kids buying, selling and smoking the stuff. 1 private and 2 state.

My husband and I both went to private schools and at a push we could afford to send our DC's. However we are fortunate that we have two very good local comprehensives.
I think private school sheltered me a bit too much and it was a shock coming out into the real world. I still sometimes form snobby judgements of people without even speaking to them and I hate that. I would like my DC to mix with people from different walks of life.

Our neighbour's kids were at private and didn't want to bring their friends home because they were embarrassed about their perfectly normal size house.
The thing I will miss is the opportunities in sport particularly. I played in a top national school team in a sport I would never have got into properly otherwise.
We went to a local cross country competition at the weekend and the private preps got the top places in most of the races - no coincidence they were the ones doing proper warm ups, team talks etc.

Lethal as does ballet/sailing/gymnastics/and especially moving house. Unless you are regularly taking your children to help out at food banks I don't think your argument holds.

I love the sweeping generalisations on here, can you imagine if that was said about pupils from state schools?
Does my privately educated dc not speak or interact with my state school dc?

Maybe we segregate within the home? .
If anything, the smugness that emanates from some of those waxing lyrical about the state system is pretty galling.

Is it beyond the understanding of some of you that we are doing it for reasons other than snobbery? That we might have tried the state option first? That some dc need a bit of extra help?

My local state school refused to take my dd because she needs a bit of extra help, they were so incredibly unkind that I still harbour a grudge. A normal high school that did everything they could to make us feel second class citizens.

The academic private school she is at now has encourage her to flourish and it’s oretty obvious that a lot are there for pastoral reasons.

You are completely disregarded the disruptive nature of some state school individuals who your children will be in class with who completely de-rail the teaching. You are also totally disregarding the network you can build at private school - whether or not you agree that is rigt/wrong it isn't something YOU can give them.

Actually, my dd's education isn't derailed by disruptive children in the slightest. The behaviour at her school is generally very good. There are disruptive kids, of course, but they never really get anywhere near the top sets. If I had a child who was stuck in those lower sets, I'd certainly consider private schools as I mentioned further up the thread. The system isn't fair on hardworking kids who are not very academic, I'm well aware of that.

As for the connections, I really don't think dd is missing out there. I probably work with half of the parents who send their kids to the private schools near us, and we socialise with others. DD is friends with quite a few through her various activities. Tbh, they are no more interesting or well-connected than many other people we know.

I should add, I think the connections thing does apply at a few of the bigger name boarding schools etc. However, I'd never even consider boarding as an option as I know too many people who were fucked up by it. And the connections to be made at a standard indie school probably aren't that much to write home about.

Reading to your kids is brilliant but to suggest it gives them a massive academic advantage is crazy.

I have a family member who fosters. They have cared for children who had never been read to. Believe me, reading to children does give them a massive advantage, it's just that you've not seen the impact of not reading to a child.

Anyway, we had an easy choice at primary, an outstanding state primary or (worst case) good state primary vs a failing private school were the options. Our kids have loved their primary and we love the foothold in the community it gives us. State secondary choices are harder. The options are 1) an outstanding religious school (so we won't get in due to atheism and not prepared to lie or expose the kids to indoctrination), 2) a secular school in a very naice area with good facilities, excellent results, no behaviour issues and lots of extracurricula activities but a weak head and complacent governers and a recent poor Ofsted report 3) that failing private school that is now a free school with a poor Ofsted, excellent new head making changes, but still got behaviour problems and poor teaching 4) a historically poorly performing school with new leadership team and cautiously positive Ofsted but long walk to school 5) good private school in next town however earn far too much to get bursaries or scholarships but have 3DC so would be looking at using 1 salary for fees. So number 2 is the choice because I can't face spending half our income for half a grade rise. Thankfully 6th form options are much better.

I went to private school and dont think it was worth the money. I missed out massively socially as it was 45 mins from home and single sex. In general im really against private schools.
However, my DN will be going to private school for secondary and its 100% the right thing FOR HER. She is hugely academically gifted but quite quiet & will benefit from the much smaller classes & quicker pace of work. Her sister wont be going, because anothet environment will suit her better.

@lethal

I'm black, with friends in neighborhoods close, far and wide, and with an extended family so large it'd make your small Christmas dreams burst at the seams. If I chose the private option my DC fortunately will not miss out on being very closely related to people from all walks of life.

However, my DN will be going to private school for secondary and its 100% the right thing FOR HER. She is hugely academically gifted but quite quiet & will benefit from the much smaller classes & quicker pace of work. Her sister wont be going, because anothet environment will suit her better

That's not very thoughtful! Isn't that just setting them up to resent each other??

Or just send them go your nearest school and trust in the fact that as they're your child they'll be ok anyway?

How are you guaranteeing everyone gets in to their nearest school?

Tricky - my kids don't do any of those activities and they are not all available in my area but the kids who do them are indeed from all walks of life. Jaques - yes indeed that's when the argument falls down which is rubbish for those areas.Where I live there is alot of choice and I think sibling policy kicks in for all of them.

"Reading to your kids is brilliant but to suggest it gives them a massive academic advantage is crazy.*

Reading to your kids may not give them a massive academic advantage-but coming from a house where they are read to sure as hell does.

State schools in our area are excellent, my teens are thriving and achieving excellent grades. They couldn't have done better in any environment.

I believe state schools prepare them better for the real world.

I believe state schools prepare them better for the real world

A good school prepares a child for the real world. That can be private or state.

Not read the full thread but in my case it was (a) because the state schools in my area are very good (b) while I could afford it at the time, there were never any guarantees that I would keep my job and continue to be able to afford it and (c) I thought it was better to spend the money on enrichment eg hobbies, trips overseas etc.

State schools are generally more diverse, although I live in quite an affluent area so they probably aren't here. Private schools tend to set entrance tests, too, and I didn't want to put my son through that if there was no need.

Do I regret it? Not really although sport would have been better. That is probably the only downside though. The local comprehensive is a short walk away so he's never had to commute, either. That will change at sixth form level though.

Mine went private until 11 and then state. This was driven by the fact that the best private schools near us are highly selective and although I think my kids would have got in they would have been in the bottom half of the year and I wanted them to be a big fish and not have their confidence destroyed which would have happened. The other private schools simply weren’t as good as our state option which is one of the top state schools in the country. We didn’t feel that we wanted to spend the best part of £300k schools which had poorer results than one we could get for free. A bit of extra sport and a nice music room didn’t justify the cost.

The caveat is that the state school they are at is fantastic, I am absolutely confident that they’ll come out with excellent results and go on to good universities. The children are, for the vast majority, from very similar backgrounds to the children they would have been at private school with. The teaching is excellent, behaviour is generally very good and I like the ethos of the school very much

If we hadn’t this option we would have stayed private but we were never going to go private for the sake of it

Bertrand - yes. I've done state all the way with great success and yes we are all prolific readers