to ask if you can afford a 'private' school in the UK but have chosen to send your child/children to a state school why?

[Foreverexhausted]

My three year old DD has just started a nursery attached to a fee paying school. I chose the nursery because it is by far the best nursery in the area but unfortunately we can't afford to send her to the school itself as fees are £15k per year per child and we have two children.

We have friends who could afford private schooling but their children are in state schools and then others who can't afford it but are just scraping by because they like the status of children attending a private school.

I think lots of schools - both private and state - put too much pressure on children. And some children, regardless of the school, put too much pressure on themselves.

It's certainly the case that, based on threads on here, that (in general) DC going to private schools have way more homework than those going to state schools. And it's not always clear that the extra homework is valuable. As a real life example, I remember a friend telling me that her DC was expected to do a minimum of 14 hours homework over May half term in preparation for school exams. That was in Year 5.

We have one DC, who attends private school. We can afford it, but have had to cut back on other luxuries, but I think it is an easy sacrifice, as the school is wonderful. Yes - academically it has high standards and the children are encouraged to reach their potential, but the resources and smaller class sizes mean that each child has a more individually-tailored learning structure, and can be nurtured to develop confidence alongside ability. There are so many clubs and extra-curricular activities on offer, and specialist teachers in school for art, music, dance and Forest School, and we have been delighted with our son's progress. He loves school and learning is a joy for him. We only have one child, and with two private school would be beyond our reach. I am glad we made the decisions we did as it is wonderful to see him flourish. For me, private schools aren't just about academic excellence, but also about the other opportunities that open up and the self-confidence that is instilled in pupils and the desire to do one's best.

@flowery From what I understand from friends and family at private schools, the pressure is in another league to that at state schools.

I'm sure there are some state schools that pile on the pressure (grammars for instance) and some private schools that are more relaxed, so it is a massive generalisation. But I think it probably holds true for a lot of places.

My other reasons:
More money to do exciting things as a family
More money to allow us to work slightly less hours to hang out with DC more
The results aren't a great deal better (a recent study reported in the guardian found that private schools only improve results by one grade once other factors are taken into account)
You're part of a true community at a state school (round my way at least) not a pretend middle class one.

We can’t afford it, but if we could I wouldn’t choose it anyway as we are very fortunate to live in an area with outstanding state provision. The secondary we’ve chosen for DS1 (fingers crossed as we’re slightly out of catchment!) is often mistaken as a fee paying school because results, teaching and facilities are actually better than the local private schools...

I'm feel a bit sorry for the posters who think that by going private they have avoided their children being "exposed to drugs and violence". I was privately educated and can confirm that your DC will be exposed to drugs, probably more and "better" (as in stronger) drugs than they would be exposed to at the local comp, as the kids have more money! Cocaine was particularly popular and very easy to get hold of as I recall. As for violence, there weren't many fights breaking out in the school playground, that's true, it was more insidious than that. Bullying was absolutely rife and did get physical but was very much behind closed doors. Sexual harassment was also a big problem and the school swept it under the carpet for fear of damaging their reputation or upsetting the wealthy and influential parents of the perpetrators rather than dealing with it.
While private school may have given me some advantages academically, I would never privately educate my own DC due to my own experiences.

i’ve heatd from statschool parents in year 1 (!!!) that the sats pressure is starting. tons of spellingsheets, other worksheets etc. horrible

Bullying was absolutely rife and did get physical but was very much behind closed doors. Sexual harassment was also a big problem and the school swept it under the carpet for fear of damaging their reputation or upsetting the wealthy and influential parents of the perpetrators rather than dealing with it. While private school may have given me some advantages academically, I would never privately educate my own DC due to my own experiences.

Which is why I wouldn't send me DS to our local comp but to a state school in the next town instead. I experienced exactly as you say, but I experienced it at a state comp. Every school is different, there are good & bad comps, just as there are good & bad grammars and privates. You have to look at choices in your own area and not just blindly follow your own prejudices.

I went from a failing comprehensive/sixth form to Cambridge. I have spent time with and get along with people of all backgrounds. Education is more than just what you learn in the classroom

If I think of all my grown up friends, in our forties, I could not tell you now who went to private, who went to grammar, and who to state. It's a complete mix. Some super successful in business, some not, no correlation with the school type.
For that reason, it just seems to be a waste of money. Quite possibly, the same child in state who got 8 As would have got 10Astars at private, but it just doesn't make any difference by the time they get to 40. They all go to the same universities anyway.

For that reason, it just seems to be a waste of money

That’s the thing though, for me the value of paying for primary has turned out to be how utterly happy she has been at school, the experiences she received, the small class sizes.

It doesn’t matter what she achieves in 10/20/30 years time, that value won’t be lost.

@yura not my experience at all. There was zero pressure from my dds state school for year 1 sats. Or was it year 2? Can't remember. I don't know, neither did my children. They were never told they were doing it.

@JacquesHammer
Indeed. So, if they're perfectly, abundantly happy at state school, it seems pointless to pay for private.

Indeed. So, if they're perfectly, abundantly happy at state school, it seems pointless to pay for private

Well we didn’t get the chance to find out.

I didn’t think a 25 min journey to school was appropriate for primary compared to 3 minutes to the prep.

That said, I know State school couldn’t have compared in terms of class size, opportunity etc. She went through school with 2 full time teachers in each class as a minimum together with support staff. No necessity to adhere to the National Curriculum etc etc.

OP - Your question is absolutely going to predominantly be answered by a certain demographic! If you are able to afford private but going to state, you are in an income bracket that means you are “sending your child to a state school” in high cost housing, middle class area! Those ‘comprehensive’ schools arenr what the rest of us get....they are just private school by house price & postcode!

That's fine, it worked for you, great.

I wasn't really talking about individual cases.

More just saying, if a child is happy and flourishing at state, private doesn't offer much added value, either in the moment or long term, imo.

Those ‘comprehensive’ schools arenr what the rest of us get....they are just private school by house price & postcode!
Utter Piffle

The catchment for DCs school is 11 miles across and includes mansions and council flats
and big catchments that cover all types of homes are the norm outside London

In West London 44% of kids go to Private school
In the rest of the country its nearer 3%

There are multi millionaires at the school and 6th form DCs went to
The catchment also covers areas with significant deprivation (more so than ANY ward in London)

Good point @Noname99

thereallifesaffy why do you think that state school pupils 'do it all on their own' whilst private school children somehow don't. DO you think someone does it for them? Do you think learning happens by someone else doing the work? Do you actually understand what learning is? Private school children benefit from good teaching and small class sizes but what magic do people actually think happens that makes it easy for them? They have much longer school day, a lot more homework and the subsequent stress and pressure. If they do better, they have WORKED for it even if people don't want to acknowledge this. State school kids swanning out at 3:00pm whilst private may be there until 5:00pm...and then 2 hours of prep after school...that's hard work. They may have privileges but any results they get are down to hours and hours of work just like anyone who does well.

solly, I think the point is that state educated pupils generally have to be a bit more self-reliant and self-motivated than kids at many private schools. Obviously, that's not to say that the private school pupils don't have to put in any effort - clearly, they do.

Solly.
You can't have it both ways.
You can't say teaching is better and they get more support at private, whilst simultaneously claiming they have to work just as hard to get the same grade.
That wouldn't make sense.

For us, we started off in a state primary in London - so did reception and year one, it was a outstanding state with only 15 in reception and we had to attend church a lot to get in. We felt like the private alternatives were too pushy and with no enough facilities to justify the cost. Our state school was only a 2 minute walk as well.

We then moved out of London and the boys went to a lovely prep school - the benefits compared to the state were, better facilities and grounds, the had several periods of sport a week and weren't sitting behind a desk for long period.
A rounded curriculum, that didn't spend time teaching for tests or pushing the children to do work that was too difficult for them just because that's what the national curriculum said that children should be learning at that age.
Access to DT labs, science labs, great extra-curricular activities, drama studios.
More approachable teachers who listen to parents and because their conditions and pay are better are more invested in the school.

We then decided to move DS1 back into a state school (grammar school) for secondary and it was a massive mistake - for all the reasons listed above and we're hoping to get him back into a independent school for year 9.

I have dc in both sectors and don’t recognise the sweeping generalisations about private on this thread.
One of my dc has ASD and was failed badly at two state schools. She is thriving in a private school which is considered quite an academic one. I don’t care about her results, just that she goes in to school happy.
It’s not fair that she has a disability, it’s not fair that I paid for her to escape the last situation that she ended up in. I am not going to not pay because of that though.

Could afford it with cutbacks but i dislike the attitude many people have that you choose an excellent school on the back of very little actual knowledge. It’s my job to parent, educate and nurture my child, and I take full responsibility for that. It’s the school’s job to give my child a good education but that’s only half the story.

Maybe in very urban areas there are state schools where the catchment is entirely made up of DC who live in expensive houses. Away from such densely populated areas (I live in a large town for example) catchment tend to conssist of a mixture of social housing, private rents, owned houses ranging from small flats to mansions. Clearly on here there are people who live in very affluent areas where the local school is predominantly full of naice middle class children, but plenty on here who don't have that experience and indeed cite wanting their DC to be part of a diverse local community as one reason to preferring state.

For what it's worth my DC's comp has a genuine diverse population, both ethnically and socially. Its results hover around "average". No one chooses to move here because the school is so great!