to ask if you can afford a 'private' school in the UK but have chosen to send your child/children to a state school why?

[Foreverexhausted]

My three year old DD has just started a nursery attached to a fee paying school. I chose the nursery because it is by far the best nursery in the area but unfortunately we can't afford to send her to the school itself as fees are £15k per year per child and we have two children.

We have friends who could afford private schooling but their children are in state schools and then others who can't afford it but are just scraping by because they like the status of children attending a private school.

Because
Primary school round here are all outstanding and in affluent areas. I really couldn’t see how private would be better. If by better you mean their peers will be middle class kids with motivated parents and engaged teachers.

At secondary the schools are still good but the private options are non existent for boys there is one very famous school that is a non starter unless you are very rich or very clever idieally both and charges £30,000 pa and doesn’t take day boys. The other private schools are miles away in the next city.

I already feel my kids primary school can be a bit of a cozy bubble. I will do them good to mix with a bigger variety of people at secondary.

1. I like them going to a local school and all their friends living within a mile radius. It's really nice for them to be part of that community and easier for me re play dates and parties.

This is also a lovely advantage of a local school. Your DC are embedded in the community and know all sorts of people and don't have to traipse across town or county for their social lives

@JacquesHammer that may be true of England but in Scotland I've never heard of a child not getting into their catchment school (especially in my area) we have about 30% placing requests so plenty of space for local kids.

I had one child go through private and one (12 years later ) go through the state system. they both got very similar grades when they did their final exams and the one in state has now gone on to do A levels . Both can conduct themselves well in any situation and both are well mannered and well spoken. As a parent I felt I was expected to input a similar amount of time for each child.

But obviously with the older child it cost a small fortune. In conclusion I would say with good parenting and a decent state school similar results academically can be achieved for similar intelligence children, however the peer groups within the private schools can be quite a different dynamic, and trying to 'keep up' is exhausting! We came across none of that pressure within the state system !

Hope that helps ?

That last post makes me feel better! I don’t want to be exhausted by keeping up.

As another poster earlier said, less money spent in school fees means a better quality of life for us. Our younger child studied WWII at primary - we took both of them to Berlin to supplement this learning. We will be taking our older child to Poland when she learns about the concentration camps (the school run this trip but not everyone gets on it).

This year we took the children to hear classical music at the Royal Albert Hall, to see Anne Frank’s house in Berlin, surfing in Cornwall and on a tour of Italy (where they learned where wine comes from and how to drink it 😆). We are also saving for university with the aim that each child will have £7k per year living expenses saved up on entry. Couldn’t afford any of that if we were paying fees. It would really have to be something special to justify it, and crucially, my kids would have to want it.

@Vivaldi1678 yes we're very lucky that we have that school where we live. We haven't done much looking into secondary schools though, so it could be the case that the lovely primary school feeds into a secondary school where every pupil is addicted to heroin.

It probably wouldn't be that bad. But you get the picture.

that may be true of England but in Scotland I've never heard of a child not getting into their catchment school (especially in my area) we have about 30% placing requests so plenty of space for local kids

You’re very lucky!

There was a big song and dance in the local press this time because 75% had got their first choice and it was the best stat for x number of years.

Of course it’s a fairly blunt instrument as it will include people who put first choices they were never getting into. However every year there are hundreds and hundreds of families who don’t get any of their preferences - which is a massive problem.

My youngest seemed to react to eldest going to private school and desperately wanted to go to the same secondary that his mates did. It really helped that it was rated “outstanding”

He’s done better academically than eldest, but is more anxious and not as comfortable in his skin. So I wanted him to do his A levels at private school but he insisted on the 6th form college. Ironically, his best mate that he can’t bear to be parted from has gone to a different college to do a BTEC.

frankly if your husband is a state school teacher, contrary to what you suggest, unless you are a corporate lawyer you wouldn't be able to afford a top private senior school.

What an odd comment. We're in 2018 FFS! It is possible for women to be high earners too, you know, and they're not all corporate lawyers either.

My DH earns a whole lot less than a state school teacher tbh, but we could comfortably afford private education for dd on the back of my salary. Yes, we'd have had to cut back on the mortgage overpayments and perhaps buy the car on finance instead of outright, but I know plenty of women who fund their kids through private schooling, so what LethalWhite's DH does for a living is frankly irrelevant.

I think SollyfromSurrey was lashing out due to the unpleasant realisation that she may have spent tens of thousands of pounds on an education that was no better academically than state, but rather had a nicer environment/smaller class sizes etc

Must feel a bit like when the middle aged tubby men on Shop Well for Less realise they’ve spunked thousands on Superdry hoodies and Designer trainers to simply look like a middle age tubby man in a superdry hoody and designer trainers.

Lethal wow I hope I never cross you! That comment is quite spiteful!

I’m lethal

@JacquesHammer we don't really do a first / second choice either here. It's expected that you'll use your local catchment school, if not then you put in a placing request for another school which may or may not be accepted depending on certain criteria and only after all of the local children have a place or you pay for a private school.

It's expected that you'll use your local catchment school

Yeah that’s what we wanted, then the next 4 exactly as the crow flies.

Didn’t get any.

That's awful jacques !

It was stressful! We kind of expected 3 and 4 to be a no go as they’re selective on religious grounds, but not getting in 1 or 2 was a massive shock.

Because I want my children to be educated in a community that reflects the one in which they live.

Because I’d rather spend the money on travel; exposing them to how others live is a far more important education than schooling.

Because I was educated privately.

Because I fundamentally disagree with the charitable status of private schools.

DH was privately educated, I attended a lovely Grammar. He felt quite strongly that he wanted the DCs privately educated, but we looked around the village school before we bought our house and both agreed it was just perfect.

Our nearest high school (not private) wasn't right for DS1 at all (he has ASD so that was a definite factor) so we looked at a private school and another state school further afield. We accepted that if he didn't get into the state school we liked we'd have gone for the fee-paying school.

DS2 is a slightly different kettle of fish because he's terribly academic and very bright, just as DH was. We'll look around both and work out where he needs to be, but I can imagine the private school working well for him.

For us it's about the right school for each child; the money is there if we need to use it.

The pressure.

I just can't do it to them. I want them to enjoy their childhood. I don't want it to be all about academic success.

@barryfish a good private school is not all sbout academic success. its about loads if opportunities to find out what a child wants. no SATS for starters, there is loads less pressure and tons more support in my sons private school than in the good state schools around

@JacquesHammer same for us. most years are suings only, or siblings plus 2-3 other children. and the parents of these siblings have moved away years ago and are now making the streets really dangerous during drop off/pick up. 6 schhols within 1 mile, didn’t get in any of them.
To all the ones supporting the diversity argument: it really depends where you live. most schools around ours are pretty much single ethnicity with a couple of “others”. private schools are a lot more diverse (including income! )

A lot of private schools mean children are away from home an awful lot longer in term time, and have longer holidays.

It makes for a different family dynamic when the school day runs a lot longer and there is potentially also flexi-boarding and Saturday morning school or semi compulsory school sport at weekends. It adds to the isolation from the local community. The private school is more dominant and all consuming in day to day life than a state school.

Then the long holidays are an extra challenge for a child who is not part of their local community in term time and lacks local friends, and unless the child is left alone a lot requires a parent who has school holidays off or is a Sahp despite the child being at school potentially 9 hours per day on school days.

Private school has more downsides than just fees.

The teaching in the local state schools was fabulous and I wanted to spend money on nice things like travel, not on something you can get for free in the state sector. Even though there are things I can see are good about private school there's things I really wanted to avoid. If we paid fees we'd really struggle to also have the expected lifestyle.

”The pressure.

I just can't do it to them. I want them to enjoy their childhood. I don't want it to be all about academic success.”

That’s a bit odd isn’t it? To assume if you send your children to a private school they won’t enjoy their childhood and it will be all pressure about academic success?

Yura SATS are meant to measure a school's effectiveness and a good one, like my son's primary will ensure that no pressure is put on the children to perform (although it's hugely stressful for the teachers, but that's another matter).

flowery I think the reputation of many private schools, though by no means all, rests on their results and surely when parents are paying for a service there is a certain level of expectation that the school will put pressure on their children to perform?