To think it's going to be a long 10 months hearing about this wedding
Namechangeagain22 · 13/10/2018 11:59
My friend gets married next august, for the last two months all I've heard is everything about her wedding. Each week it's a different topic of the wedding. This weekend she is discussing honeymoon plans. Me and the bridesmaids are to meet up at her house for 'nibbles' and help her plan.
I know I don't sound like any kind of friend but I'm being driven up the wall!!! Not only that but how is she not driving herself up the wall!!
TheBigFatMermaid · 14/10/2018 21:35
I am getting married for the third time in a couple of years, I am 51 and will not be asking anyone's opinions! I don't think I did the first or second time either though! I guess I have always been secure in my own mind and not cared about peoples opinions!
MissesBloom · 14/10/2018 22:16
It is absolutely bonkers...worst bit is how she barely stayed 3 hours to my wedding day and missed the fitting for her own bridesmaid dress. Dresses I paid for fully along with their shoes, bags and make up/hair. I needed her for ONE appointment and she couldn't make it.
When I got married I didnt need anybody else's input, and frankly didnt really care much. I knew place settings/centrepieces/favours etc are all incredibly boring I dont think I even discussed it with DH much. It's a formality isnt it...the day is about sharing a special moment with you family and friends. Nobody remembers that stuff.
I daren't start a thread without outing myself anyway...shes gone totally batshit over it all will be surprised if our friendship makes the wedding day.
Sameoldstorytime · 15/10/2018 08:17
totally and 100% agree.
you are her friend, shes excited. stop being selfish and help her towards having the most amazing day. it doesn't matter how little and insignificant it seems to you. as long as she is happy. Dont fall out over it!
In the future, she will help you when everything coming out of your mouth sounds ridiculous!
Ninnibu · 15/10/2018 09:22
To be fair the ‘duty’ of BMs really only extends to the day itself and the hen do. I’ve worked in the bridal industry for over 20 years and I’ve seen it all!! You need to do some planning - who is the chief BM? They need to make a ‘bridesmaids day’ (as far in the future as you dare) when all the crap can be discussed. Encourage her to make a scrapbook that she can share on that ‘special day’ with all the things she’s seen etc.
ralfeesmum · 15/10/2018 11:13
Yes, but thank your lucky stars you can walk away after the wedding ceremony - the groom will probably have her going on and on and on and replaying the wedding video until death they do part.
In theory. Or until he does a runner in order to save the remains of his sanity......
Gromance02 · 15/10/2018 11:25
What? She knows which aspect of her wedding she wants to discuss in advance? That is fucking nuts. Organising a wedding isn't that much work. I've had one, pretty much did all of the organisation myself. I wasn't going to bore anyone else with the details of the prep'. I started a new job the week before my wedding. Didn't make any difference.
thecatsthecats · 15/10/2018 11:51
I've heard that sort of thing - the bride's parents organising and hosting, and I suppose there's a generational unfairness in that when it switched to the couple organising, inevitably there were some people who didn't get to plan their own wedding, but didn't get to plan their children's either. Which is a bit of a bummer, I guess.
I must say, I've rarely encountered the absolutist attitudes in real life about bridesmaids that you get on mumsnet.
No, they're not your slaves for the full length of the engagement, no they're not there to faff around your gracious presence all day on the wedding day. However, all the bridesmaids I've witnessed/been part of have gladly done so much more than just show up and wear the dress chosen for them. I'm annoying my own bridesmaids with my lack of delegation. (They may later come to regret that...)
LoniceraJaponica · 15/10/2018 12:04
"I've heard that sort of thing - the bride's parents organising and hosting"
It really was a "thing". I got married in 1981. My parents organised and paid for the wedding. I am not the least bit bridezillary and was happy to leave the details to my mum to organise. Obviously we discussed stuff, but I was happy with my mum's ideas
- My mum made the dress
2. The neighbour over the road drove me to church in his vintage Rolls Royce
3. My uncle took the photos
4. My mum made the cake, and had it professionally iced by a friend
5. I had to choose the flowers for my bouquet and for my sister's bouquet (she was my bridesmaid)
6. My sister chose her bridesmaid outfit - I let her have free rein
7. There was another wedding in the church that day, and the other bride suggested we shared the cost of the church flowers, which she chose. We were more than happy to do this.
8. My mum and I chose the food and wine for the buffet
There was no evening do
None of the above took months and months of planning. I was away at college at the time and left my mum to do all the worrying. I probably drove her round the bend.
We had a lovely day, and OH and I are still together after 37 years.
ToftyAC · 15/10/2018 12:51
Jesus! Why is she asking everyone else’s opinion? When I got married I chose pretty much everything without anyone else’s opinion except my DH to be.... how strange. YANBU - bridezilla to the max who can’t even form her own opinion as to what it is SHE wants for HER own day 🤔
smilingontheinside · 15/10/2018 18:20
Only 10 months.Try 2 years!! As soon as one of my 3 sons got engaged his fiancée started planning (the day after dress trying was booked with 2 shops and discussion on save the date cards started). As time went on it got worse and near the end nearly everyone was either dropping out, alienated or just past caring and turned up to keep the peace it was horrible. Some family declined invitations and as parents we were considering boycotting it as really the demands were beyond any "normal bridezilla" Very sad and stressful and never to be repeated as other sons were put off ever asking anyone to marry them
Namechangeagain22 · 15/10/2018 20:55
I fear she may be driving her other half away already, she doesn't speak to any of her family so she's relying on us to share the excitement I guess
I did nicely say she may want to save something on the to do list for next year to spread the excitement and she apologised and said she was living in a wedding bubble.
Admitted that part of her is dreading the wedding as the only family she will have their is her mum I hope I've given her enough of a nod to tone down a bit but I can see she's just stupidly excited which is very normal for her and now I just feel like a crap bag lol
Disneyinmyveins · 16/10/2018 23:28
I think kindness might be the way forward. I understand you are so excited to get married and I’m excited for you however if you keep planning everything now you will have nothing to do after Christmas and that will make the wait even longer. I’d say as long as the main things are booked advise her to chill out and enjoy the build up.
NWQM · 17/10/2018 09:34
I'm starting to feel a bit sorry for her now if she doesn't have family she may just be crying out for support. Could you perhaps buy or download for her one of those wedding planner apps? If she isn't naturally an organiser then sorting out something like a wedding can be terrifying I'd imagine. They help though by suggesting when you have to do things by. Also could you perhaps agree to take on a role each - one help with save the day / invites, one help with wedding favours (although they just aren't needed but you get the idea). If it's stressing her I might just bite the bullet and help her get it all done rather than spreading it out.
spanishwife · 17/10/2018 09:44
I feel sorry for her too. I can be a bit overeager and excitable and don't realise how annoying I'm being until somebody tells me.
I would be kind and try and stay excited for her, but turn down anything you think is unreasonable e.g. going to pick up a post box, but sending back a message saying 'the third tiara is very pretty' is hardly a huge task is it?
I would be stepping in to organise something to take her mind off it, along the lines of "you must be so stressed, lets do xyz and not talk about the wedding at all, it's a been a while since we just caught up'
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